Episode 169: Coolest Cryptid (Live from Los Angeles, CA)
/Julia has come up with the most scientific way of calculating who the coolest cryptid is: a tournament style bracket! While she brings the challengers, it’s up to Amanda and Editor Eric to determine, once and for all, who the coolest cryptid is.
Play along at home with our bracket at spiritspodcast.com/episodes/coolest-cryptid
Content Warning: This episode contains conversations about sleep disorders, threats of violence, kitchen accidents, animal death, death by animal, drowning, STIs, drug use, child abandonment, eating disorders, gambling, alcoholism, and mentions of misogyny and implied sexual assault.
Housekeeping
- Recommendation: This week, Julia recommends An Illusion of Thieves by Cate Glass. Buy a copy and see our new lists of previous recommendations, guest books, and more at spiritspodcast.com/books!
- Live Shows: Last chance to grab tickets to our Austin TX live show at multitude.productions/live.
- Multitude: Join the MultiCrew at multicrew.club, and check out Next Stop in your podcast player or nextstopshow.com!
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Amanda:
Welcome to Spirits Podcast, a boozy dive into mythology, legends, and folklore. Every week we pour a drink and learn about a new story from around the world. I'm Amanda.
Julia:
And I'm Julia.
Amanda:
And this is episode 169, Coolest Cryptid, live from Los Angeles, California.
Julia:
This was such a fun game show to do. I think that we can make it even better next time we play it, but I love designing live show games with the help of Eric Silver.
Amanda:
You're extraordinarily good at it, and you make a great duo. And if anyone in or near Texas or who wants to go to Texas wants to see us do something amazing live, come to Austin tomorrow.
Julia:
Yeah, no. It's going to be a lot of fun. Everything is bigger in Texas, and this is going to be a big, big session of Creepy or Cool.
Amanda:
Oh, what a hint. That's on February 27th, 2020 at 8:00 PM, and the link is at multitude.productions/live.
Julia:
Buy tickets. If we sell it out, Brandon will come out on a horse.
Amanda:
Do you know who would definitely enter any live show they do in full cowboy regalia?
Julia:
Is it our new patrons?
Amanda:
Our new patrons, Lacey, Milena, and Jana, you absolutely would. And you join the ranks of our distinguished supporting producer level patrons, who can self-identify as either a farmer or a cow man, whatever they want. Phillip, Tyree, Megan, Debra, Molly, Skyla, Samantha, Sammy, Neal, Jessica, and Phil Fresh.
Julia:
Meanwhile, our legend-level patrons are always cowpokes in our heart. Brittany, Josie, Kylie, Morgan, Kyla the Husky, Beam Me Up Scotty, Audra, Chris, Mark, Mr. Folk, Sarah, and Jack Marie.
Amanda:
Ugh, so amazing. And if y'all were backstage with us at the show, we definitely would've shared a drink with you. Honestly, this time it was just some Miller Lite from the supermarket because our life isn't always glamorous.
Julia:
Yes, it was. But it was delicious, and that's all that matters.
Amanda:
Listen, a Miller Lite and a shot is honestly all I need in this life.
Julia:
You know what? It's the best bar special you can possibly get.
Amanda:
I agree. Julia, tell me, what have you been reading, watching, or listening to this past week?
Julia:
I've been reading a new book because I'm trying to read more this year. I'm reading a book called An Illusion of Thieves by Cate Glass.
Amanda:
Ooh.
Julia:
It's very much Italian Renaissance inspired with sorcerers who everyone thinks are evil and the main character is one and it's just really fascinating, really interesting. I'm halfway through and it's turning into a heist and I'm just all about it.
Amanda:
I feel like you find the best crime-related books.
Julia:
I do my best. I love a heist.
Amanda:
But fiction with crimes.
Julia:
Yeah. Magic, crimes, fantasy Italy. Hell yeah. All those things.
Amanda:
Incredible. And if you want to hear us talk about another media series that we really enjoy, Julia, myself, and Eric Silver are going to be on Head Heart Gut next month, which is our, of course, MultiCrew exclusive show. I'm not going to spoil exactly what it is. It's Fast and Furious movies, guys. It's Fast and Furious. Oh my god. I'm so excited.
Julia:
It's all about family and Coronas.
Amanda:
Family. Corona. Ugh, I can't wait. You can join the MultiCrew at multicrew.club for just five bucks, and then you can get access to Multitude's newest weekly podcast, which is Head Heart Gut.
Julia:
Yeah, Head Heart Gut is a lot of fun. If you want to hear us just goofing around and making ridiculous arguments, that is the place to do it.
Amanda:
It's really when we're our most unhinged, but also or best, I think.
Julia:
It's honestly true.
Amanda:
And at higher levels, you can get a behind-the-scenes newsletter where we tell you every other week what's going on and do live streams for a certain tier. We send specific glitter pins that are exclusive just to the MultiCrew. You can even get your name on the wall of our office forever, for all time, if you join as a Magnificence member. All that and more is at multicrew.club.
Julia:
Join the MultiCrew. It's so much fun.
Amanda:
Well, I'm not going to keep y'all any longer, so without further ado, enjoy Spirits Podcast episode 169... nice... Coolest Cryptid, live from Los Angeles, California.
Audience:
[crosstalk 00:03:55]
Eric:
We immediately did not get the seating assignments.
Amanda:
I know. It's fine. We'll make it work, guys. It's the same people as before, but Julia has a different outfit and also a different Eric.
Julia:
Yay!
Audience:
Yay!
Julia:
I am extremely extra, and I also changed because I am hosting a game show for you all today.
Amanda:
Yay!
Julia:
Coolest Cryptid. So the rules of the game are very simple. There are many cryptids and monsters out there in the world as any of you who have listened to the show are aware. Don't look at it yet. But we at Spirits know they can also be cool as well as creepy. So we are going to be determining who in fact is the coolest cryptid or monster. We've created a bracket of 32 creatures, and we will whittle it down to the coolest cryptid out there. Show me the bracket.
Amanda:
Ooh.
Julia:
As you can see, it is broken down to yokai, air, water, and land.
Amanda:
Are those the four humors?
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
The four elements.
Julia:
Long ago in a nation.
Eric:
Now Julia, I don't think these are cryptids.
Julia:
No.
Eric:
This says cheese steak.
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
Chicken salad.
Julia:
Yes. We were playing a game before. Okay, so the first round what we're going to do is you guys are going to have a minute per match up to come to a consensus, and then we are going to have different reasons behind each round to decide who wins that round, okay?
Amanda:
Okay. So there's a... There's not one framing question? We're going to whittle it down per bracket?
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Okay.
Julia:
So the first one is just I'm going to describe the creature to you, you're going to have one minute to deliberate, and then we are going to decide who wins that round.
Amanda:
We're just going coolest by the gut.
Julia:
Coolest by the gut.
Amanda:
Okay.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
Can you and Amanda make some early [crosstalk 00:05:31]?
Julia:
You know what? Go ahead. Go wild.
Eric:
Okay. I'm a big fan of Boobrie.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
I love my brother and me up in the top right.
Julia:
Yeah. Excellent.
Eric:
And Jerff.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
I'm going to really have to dwell on Jerff here.
Eric:
Sure.
Amanda:
Why? Whence? Wherefore?
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative)- Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
And I'm also... I'm intrigued by Salmon.
Julia:
It's actually one of your good friends, but we'll see about it later. All right, so Miesha, can we zoom in on yokai first please? All right, excellent.
Amanda:
Miesha's standing in the booth, everybody.
Julia:
Thank you, Miesha. All right. So our first pair up is Makura-gaeshi versus Basan. So Makura-gaeshi is also known as the Pillow Flipper. They take the form of a child spirit that appears in bedrooms at night and will pull pranks on the inhabitants, namely flipping their pillow and placing it by their feet instead of their head.
Amanda:
Oh, I thought you meant flipping over the pillow so you can sleep on the cool side.
Julia:
No.
Amanda:
Like rational humans do.
Julia:
No, no. This is a yokai.
Eric:
Yeah. No, no.
Julia:
There's no rationality behind it.
Amanda:
Okay. Okay.
Julia:
And they're up against the Basan, which is basically just a very brightly colored rooster than can also spit fire out of its mouth. It's also known as the Basabasa, which is the sound that it makes when it flaps its wings.
Amanda:
Oh.
Julia:
When startled, they will vanish into thin air.
Amanda:
Amazing.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
I feel like that is a great cryptid to have on your team. Make a bang and then a quick get away.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Excellent.
Eric:
Yeah. I think the first one is very cool.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative)- Yeah.
Eric:
But it's not that cool.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
It's just kind of like it's great for those occasional nights where you end up flipped in your bed, which doesn't happen a lot to me. But every so often, you know, you're just like, "Why am I over this way?"
Amanda:
What?
Julia:
As we know, Eric is a sleep walker.
Amanda:
Eric is quite haunted.
Julia:
Yep. Super haunted.
Amanda:
Very concerned.
Eric:
That hasn't happened in a very long time. It happened once in college in a lofted bed. Don't know how I managed that one.
Amanda:
Oh boy.
Eric:
Very impressed. Very impressed with myself in the morning.
Julia:
I worry about you in your sleep.
Eric:
Also confused. Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah. Yeah. I think we're agreed on the Basan.
Julia:
Okay. So it's going to be Basan?
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Got you. All right. So next up we have the Amazake baba, who is a... Basically she's indistinguishable from an ordinary old lady, but she will come to your door asking for a drink of sake. If you answer her, whether it is yes or no, you will fall terribly ill. But if you hang a sign on your door saying we don't like sake here, she'll leave you alone.
Amanda:
So many old lady cryptids are just asking you questions, and if you answer them at all, you're dead.
Julia:
Yep. That's true. And she's actually up against another old lady cryptid, the giant disembodied head of an old lady who will float through villages causing mischief by blowing people's umbrellas out of their hands or otherwise delighting in scaring people.
Amanda:
And she's visible?
Julia:
She is.
Eric:
I'm leaning towards the second one.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Okay. Okay.
Eric:
It's just generally cooler.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Also I don't want to hang up a sign that says we don't like sake here.
Amanda:
I feel like that's just asking for people not to bring you sake to your door.
Eric:
It's exactly that. Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
But they could bring whiskey.
Amanda:
That's true. I did, however, just get a real brain blast of an idea for almost like an adult scouts program, only you go door to door selling sake and Girl Scout cookies.
Julia:
Excellent. A good combo.
Amanda:
A real combo.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Who did we decide on? Okubi?
Eric:
I'm going with the second one. A giant floating head is much cooler.
Julia:
All right.
Amanda:
Big head.
Julia:
Okubi it is.
Amanda:
Big head.
Julia:
All right. We're moving on to the next one, which is Yama oroshi, is a metal grater which has been improperly cared for and has grown too dull to grate anything. It sprouts a body and then the dull slicers of the grater stick out like spines from its head and it ends up resembling a porcupine.
Eric:
Okay. This might just be a phrasing question.
Julia:
Uh-huh (affirmative).
Eric:
It sprouts a body.
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
This indicates that the grater is now its head?
Julia:
Yes. Or no, the grater is... Yeah, I guess so. Or it sprouts limbs.
Eric:
Or do limbs come from the center of the grater?
Julia:
I think limbs is probably more accurate in this situation.
Eric:
[crosstalk 00:09:43] Neither is good.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Neither is a great situation.
Julia:
No.
Eric:
But I just wanted to visualize what we're... It's just a cheese grater? What kind of grater?
Julia:
Like a cheese grater.
Amanda:
Like a box grater thing.
Julia:
Yeah. A box grater. [crosstalk 00:09:52] Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
And can you run me again? So the holes come out like porcupine quills?
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah. The little slices. Okay.
Eric:
Okay.
Julia:
And they're up against... let's see... the Namahage, which they are a oni that has red or blue skin, wild hair and eyes, large mouths full of sharp teeth, and they have horns sprouting out of their foreheads, obviously of course.
Eric:
You say mouths?
Julia:
Yes. It's a genre instead of an individual.
Eric:
Oh.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Okay. Oh.
Amanda:
Cool.
Eric:
Got you.
Julia:
On the first full moon of the new year they will visit villages and threaten children and new brides by brandishing knives at them.
Amanda:
Why? What did they do?
Julia:
So they're apparently sent by the gods to warn and chastise people who have been lazy or wicked.
Amanda:
Like children?
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
And new brides.
Julia:
Do your chores, children, god.
Eric:
The two laziest groups, children and newlyweds.
Amanda:
Julia, as a recent bride yourself...
Julia:
Yes?
Amanda:
After wedding planning, are you just like fuck it?
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
You just stop...
Julia:
Yes, you are.
Eric:
Done.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
100%.
Amanda:
I feel like you don't deserve punishment.
Julia:
That's why I need to be threatened by knives I guess.
Amanda:
I feel like you don't deserve punishment for that.
Julia:
Okay. However, first one, terrifying.
Amanda:
Okay.
Eric:
Here's why I like the first one in terms of coolest.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
Okay. That's true. That's true.
Eric:
This is the first time we've dealt with an inanimate object being the monster.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Eric:
And that's interesting.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
That's very cool. Most of them are like, it's a bird, it's an old lady. These are living things that have taken on a weird...
Amanda:
Vibe.
Eric:
Effect. Like a guy with a top hat in college.
Amanda:
Usually everyone has a handlebar mustache now. Why?
Eric:
This is a cheese grater that is now running at you.
Amanda:
Yeah. I do feel like its also-
Eric:
I hate it, but it is cooler than the other thing I think.
Amanda:
It's also a very useful reminder that should you ever find yourself on the hit Food Network show Chopped, [crosstalk 00:11:36] that the most common injuries are sustained from the mandolin and the box grater.
Julia:
She's not wrong. All right. So what should we... did we decide on?
Eric:
We're going with the grater.
Julia:
All right. Awesome.
Eric:
Grater man.
Julia:
Yama oroshi. Awesome. So the next one we're going to talk about is Takiyasha hime who is a sorceress who raised an army of yokai and attempted to conquer Japan.
Eric:
Very cool.
Julia:
She was said to ride into battle on top of a giant toad and is the master of frog magic, whatever the fuck that is.
Amanda:
That one. That one.
Julia:
Let me tell you about Ippondatara. Ippondatara is one thick, trunk-like leg and a single saucer-like eye.
Amanda:
Where is the eye on the leg?
Julia:
It doesn't matter. It is a shy yokai.
Eric:
It does.
Julia:
It tends to stay away from inhabited areas. It moves around by hopping or by somersaulting. However, once a year they do grow violent, and they will stomp you to death.
Amanda:
Whoever is closest?
Julia:
Yep. Just whoever it crosses paths with.
Amanda:
Okay. Okay.
Julia:
This is why it's shy.
Amanda:
This seems to me like a yokai who just needs to live their life.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
I don't need to go bothering them. That's fine. Hey.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
I'm going to have to go with frog queen I think.
Julia:
All right. Cool, cool, cool.
Eric:
Yeah. That sounds very good.
Amanda:
Sounds great.
Julia:
She was the number one seat in this one.
Eric:
Yeah. I mean...
Julia:
Yeah. All right, can we move on to the next one, Miesha? [crosstalk 00:12:56] All right, we're in the air section now. Who's ready for this shit? All right. That's my last page for some reason.
Amanda:
So we're asking who the air bending is in this round?
Julia:
Yes. This is the air bender.
Amanda:
Excellent. Okay.
Julia:
So your first one here is going to be Bas Celik, who is a powerful, evil winged man whose soul is not held in his body, kind of like our good friend from Russian mythology.
Amanda:
Yeah. [crosstalk 00:13:18].
Julia:
[inaudible 00:13:19]. The death list. And he can be subdued only by making him suffer from dehydration. So he's from a famous Serbian myth.
Amanda:
Interesting. When you said Bas I did think about Baz Luhrmann, who I bet also can only be brought down by dehydration.
Julia:
Fair.
Eric:
I was going to say this is a Star Wars character.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
But Bas is up against the Jersey Devil, who you may have heard of. If not, it's a legendary creature that is said to live in the pine barrens of New Jersey. It's often described as being a flying biped with hooves, but there are many variations. Some say it's kangaroo like. Others will say it is like a goat meets dragon kind of situation.
Amanda:
Yep.
Julia:
But either way, leathery bat wings, horns, small arms with clawed hands, legs with cloven hooves, forked tail. It is described usually as moving quickly and emitting a high pitched, blood curdling scream.
Amanda:
At all times.
Julia:
At all times. Constantly.
Amanda:
That is kind of my internal monologue I think if you could project it out.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative)- Yeah.
Amanda:
I don't know. Eric, what are your thoughts here? I'm torn.
Julia:
Winged sorcerer.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Screaming devil.
Eric:
Very, very cool.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Eric:
The Jersey Devil I've seen a lot on YouTube.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
Yeah. As one does.
Eric:
He ends up there pretty regularly.
Julia:
Yes. He's pretty famous on there.
Eric:
Never been very [crosstalk 00:14:37] impressed with the low quality Jersey Devil videos I've seen.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
I have nothing to compare them against.
Julia:
I thought you were calling the Jersey Devil low quality. I was like, listen, fair enough.
Eric:
No. Very high quality man.
Amanda:
Can I confirm with my sports consultant? Honey, is the Jersey Devil, is that hockey team?
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Is that right?
Julia:
Yes it is.
Speaker 5:
Can confirm.
Amanda:
Excellent. Those fans suck, so I'm going to go against the Jersey Devil on this one.
Julia:
Okay, so we're going for Bas. All right, Bas.
Eric:
[crosstalk 00:15:00]
Amanda:
Seen them in Penn Station drunk. No thank you.
Julia:
All right. So now we get to talk about the Boobrie, which is a mythological shape shifter from the lochs of Scotland. Often it will take the shape of a local waterbird like a great northern diver, which is like a large diving bird. It'll prey on livestock when the livestock is being transported via ship. It'll just sneak on and grab them.
Amanda:
That sucks.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Don't prey on livestock.
Julia:
Well, it needs to eat.
Amanda:
Fair. I am mostly-
Eric:
Only when they're on a ship?
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Or is it a field [crosstalk 00:15:30]?
Julia:
Well, because it's a water...
Amanda:
Oh.
Eric:
Oh, because it's out there. It's out there on the water.
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
Well, it says it here.
Julia:
Kind of it'll-
Amanda:
It flies.
Julia:
During that it will take the form of a large insect and then suck blood from those creatures.
Eric:
Don't like that one.
Julia:
However, it does love otters. They're just buddies.
Eric:
And who doesn't? Who doesn't? They're great. They hold hands.
Julia:
But the Boobrie is up against Mothman, who you may have heard about. Sexy, sexy Mothman. Thank you all.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
West Virginia folklore.
Eric:
I don't like that that's become part of the brand.
Julia:
Too bad.
Eric:
I was very fine with the spaghetti stuff.
Julia:
Sure.
Eric:
Very funny, light hearted. I don't like that we've found a weird, sexy Mothman niche.
Amanda:
Eric, what about the carnal sexuality of the Mothman?
Eric:
That's what I... That's explicitly the stuff I don't like.
Julia:
Giant Mothman creature seen before a great tragedy usually. A sexy man with 10 foot wings. So Boobrie or Mothman, guys?
Amanda:
So if I'm thinking about your coolest friend, like who looks best in a leather jacket, right?
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Who, if you go to a bar, will have the most interesting people come up to you, buy you drinks, and then you're like bye, and then they're like, "Okay, I guess," and respect your boundaries and leave, I feel like Mothman is going to get me into cooler situations, let me into clubs. Is that what people do with their friends? I don't know.
Julia:
Yeah. Sure.
Amanda:
That's what I'm feeling.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
I'm also with Mothman.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
He's a Midwestern guy like me.
Julia:
That's [inaudible 00:16:57]. Right on that border of Ohio and West Virginia.
Eric:
Exactly. Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
That's important.
Amanda:
Okay, okay, okay.
Julia:
All right. So we're now going to pit the Alkonost, who you may remember from our Russian bird ladies episode.
Amanda:
Ooh. Love a bird husband.
Julia:
She is a woman headed bird that makes such a beautiful song that if you hear it you forget everything you know and want nothing more ever again.
Amanda:
That sounds so great.
Julia:
She's also said to lay her eggs on a beach. And when they roll into the sea, they hatch during a thunderstorm which is created by the turbulent sea.
Eric:
That's very cool.
Amanda:
Fucking metal. I love that.
Eric:
That's very cool. Very cool.
Julia:
And they're up against the Cockatrice, which is a two legged dragon or a serpent with a rooster's head. Sometimes they are also known as a Basilisk, and they can kill people just by touching or breathing on them.
Amanda:
Did also petrify Crookshanks, which I don't love.
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Not great.
Julia:
No.
Amanda:
Not Crookshanks. Mrs. Norris.
Julia:
All the other people. Also humans.
Amanda:
Thank you. I could feel you almost correcting me, and I really appreciate that you didn't. Very kind of you.
Julia:
Also humans.
Amanda:
Also humans.
Julia:
Yes. All right.
Amanda:
I think I'm going to go with potential bird spouse.
Eric:
Yeah. [crosstalk 00:18:04]
Julia:
Alkonost? All right. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. All right.
Eric:
The thunder egg thing is very cool.
Julia:
It is very good.
Amanda:
Imagine baby turtles hatching could be more amazing and majestic. Thunder in the background.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Love it.
Julia:
Really, really cinematic.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
And I really appreciate that. [crosstalk 00:18:19] So now we're going to pit the Swan Maiden, who is a European folklore character that can transform into a swan or a human form. In order to transform they need to have a swan skin, much like a selkie or a piece of clothing with swan feathers attached.
Eric:
A nice cloak.
Julia:
Quite fashion. Super fashion.
Amanda:
High fashion. Very much.
Julia:
And then they are up against La Lechuza, which is witch from Texas in Mexican folklore. It said that they can transform into a giant monstrous barn owl seven feet tall with a 15 foot wingspan.
Amanda:
Incredible.
Eric:
Very large.
Julia:
Thank you. You may remember her. We talked about her on the podcast.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
And she uses this form to take revenge on people who has wronged her specifically or abusers in general.
Amanda:
I want more of that in the world.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
I don't know about you.
Eric:
Both seem cool. Both seem cool. Fashion from the first one.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
General good vibes from the second one.
Amanda:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric:
I defer to you. I like them both a lot.
Amanda:
I did just see Birds of Prey which involves a lot of both.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
But I feel like I got to go with anti-abuser giant owl.
Julia:
All right. [crosstalk 00:19:20] Social justice, woo.
Amanda:
Incredibly good.
Julia:
All right. Awesome. Well, we're going to move on to the next segment. Thank you. Already there. All right. So the first one up is Mokele-mbembe or mbembam as you called it before.
Amanda:
There's Griffin. There is Travis. There is Justin.
Eric:
Griffin. Griffin. Mythological creature.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
Yes. Travis, the name of a mythological creature I bet if you do the letters.
Julia:
I mean, there is one literally called Jerff on here, so you're good.
Eric:
Cannot wait for Jerff. Cannot express enough how excited I am to talk about Jerff.
Julia:
I saved Jerff for last. Don't worry.
Amanda:
Backstage Eric did say to me, "Now Amanda, we can't dwell too long on Jerff."
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
Not going to happen.
Julia:
So from the Congo River Basin, its name means one who stops the flow of rivers.
Amanda:
Oh.
Julia:
It is referred to a half elephant, half dragon said to also resemble a brontosaurus. It is known to attack hippos, which nothing fucking does. Nothing fucks with hippos.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
They've killed more than any more people in the Amazon. Up the Amazon.
Julia:
Nope.
Eric:
In Africa.
Julia:
Yep.
Eric:
Hippos kill most people. Not lying.
Julia:
Yes, that's true.
Amanda:
That's true.
Julia:
Wow.
Eric:
They run them over. Trampled.
Amanda:
What?
Julia:
Yeah. Also big bites.
Eric:
So this is what happens. This is what happens. For real. This is true. Because the hippos make the paths because they just stomp over all the grass, people then use the paths and the hippos continue to use the paths and they're much bigger.
Julia:
Yes. Not wrong.
Amanda:
Could've done without knowing that one.
Eric:
It's good information to have though.
Audience:
[inaudible 00:20:48]
Julia:
Yes. Great. They're up against the Kraken, which again, may have heard of it. A large cephalopod sea monster from Scandinavian lore. Is it a squid? Is it an octopus? Who can really say? Enjoys terrorizing sailors off the coast of Greenland and Norway.
Amanda:
And getting 16-year-old Julia and Amanda far too rum drunk.
Julia:
So rum drunk.
Eric:
I'm voting against Kraken just because of the rum.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Excellent. All right.
Eric:
Kraken Rum is why I don't drink rum.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
I'm sorry. That's a rough living we got there.
Amanda:
It's true. Does remind me of one of Julia's most elegant moments, which is as we're bicycling home rum drunk how... On a scale of one to 10, how detailed can I get here?
Julia:
I don't know.
Eric:
One. It's a one.
Amanda:
Okay. And pausing briefly on her bicycle to take care of some necessities and then continuing on, nary a hair out of place.
Julia:
See, you're making it sound like I shit myself right now.
Amanda:
An extremely elegant vomit into the bush.
Julia:
And I continued on.
Amanda:
She continued on with her day. Incredible.
Julia:
Definitely didn't shit myself.
Amanda:
I'm going to say... She didn't.
Eric:
Definitely.
Amanda:
I'm going to say no Kraken for that reason.
Julia:
All right. Cool. So the next set is a Steller Sea Ape which is said to be observed by German zoologist Georg Steller off the coast-
Amanda:
Wait, wait. Can I stop you before you tell us? What do you think Steller's Sea Ape is? I think venereal disease.
Julia:
A bold, but not wrong choice.
Amanda:
Right? Right? You say Steller's Sea Ape...
Eric:
I just imagine it's like Donkey Kong and those terrible water levels.
Amanda:
Yes. Okay.
Julia:
That's honestly pretty close.
Amanda:
Okay.
Julia:
So it is a creature with a dog-like head, long drooping whiskers, an elongated but fat body, a thick coat of fur, no limbs, two tail fins like a shark, and said it had eyes that were inquisitive like an ape, hence the name. It's just a northern fur seal. This guy is just bad at identifying creatures. I don't know.
Eric:
Yeah. One, this isn't a cryptid. This is just a seal. Two, and more importantly, the eyes are how it got the name ape?
Amanda:
Yep.
Eric:
Of all the parts of that they're like, "Well, the eyes were very ape like, so I'll name it the sea ape."
Amanda:
Twas so inquisitive.
Eric:
There's so many other parts about them that are like other animals.
Amanda:
Like, I don't know, people? Yeah.
Julia:
Are people not just apes, Amanda?
Amanda:
It's true, dude.
Julia:
Yeah. And then so that's up against the Bunyip, which is a mythical creature from Australia that could be found in swamps, water holes, billabongs. Some stories say that they closely resemble a walking starfish while others say it looks like a long necked wet bulldog.
Eric:
In high school I could also be found in Billabong quite often.
Julia:
Yeah, same.
Eric:
That's a PacSun joke for everybody. Remember PacSun? What a great store.
Julia:
I did get distracted. Is a billabong a thing?
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Is that what it's name after?
Amanda:
It is.
Julia:
What does that mean?
Amanda:
It's like a bog.
Julia:
Oh.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Oh.
Julia:
Fun.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
That makes it a lot more... a lot cooler to me.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Than a place my brother briefly worked and then was fired from for flirting too often.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Which brother?
Amanda:
The youngest one.
Julia:
It's not Connor.
Amanda:
Youngest one.
Julia:
It's definitely Austin.
Amanda:
Yes. Yes.
Julia:
All right. They also eat crayfish and sometimes humans. You know, sometimes.
Eric:
Big range.
Julia:
Yeah. Yeah. Really.
Amanda:
Big range.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
I'm stuck on how the description is either a seal with a long neck... Was that it?
Julia:
A bulldog with a long neck that's wet.
Amanda:
Or a starfish.
Julia:
Yep.
Amanda:
Those are different shapes.
Julia:
Those are.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Historically different shapes.
Eric:
I like the Bunyip though.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Well and the other thing, it's just a seal.
Amanda:
Just a seal.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
We've determined it's not a cryptid I'm pretty sure.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Also, I mean, I like a nice smooshie faced dog, you know what I mean?
Amanda:
Yeah. I will say I'm getting a very bi energy from the Bunyip.
Julia:
Is it because of billabong?
Amanda:
I think it is because of billabong.
Julia:
It's just a lady wearing board shorts.
Amanda:
Yeah. Precisely, Julia. Yes.
Julia:
You mean me age 13 to 16?
Amanda:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
Cool.
Amanda:
And trying to rock a shell necklace, being too scared, taking a photo of yourself, putting it on LiveJournal, but not wearing it outside the house? This guy.
Julia:
So the Loch Ness Monster...
Amanda:
Excellent.
Julia:
You might know Nessie. Fun fact, the first Nessie sighting was probably in the 1870s, but it really caught public attention starting in the early 1930s.
Amanda:
Wow.
Julia:
Yeah. Fun fact.
Amanda:
Didn't know that.
Julia:
So they're up against the Encantado, which is a South American river dolphin that was said to change into human form on rare evenings. In human form they would still have their blow hole, so they had to wear a hat to hide it.
Amanda:
Aw.
Julia:
Like you do. And they typically showed up to parties to seduce humans and have an incredible gift of music. Thank you. I write facts solely to get a huh.
Eric:
I have... One, I never... When I thought of... I don't think about this often, but... or ever. I should be clear. I've never thought about this.
Julia:
[crosstalk 00:25:54] dolphins sexy?
Eric:
No, not that.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Not that at all. I think about that all the time.
Julia:
Sure.
Eric:
Because it has a blow hole, now the blow hole ends up on the top of its head?
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
I was just thinking about that.
Eric:
I was thinking it would be on the...
Amanda:
Shoulder blades.
Eric:
Yes, exactly.
Amanda:
Yeah, it would be.
Eric:
That's the thing that I was thinking about.
Amanda:
But think of how a dolphin's head is shaped. We're going to go on a tangent for a second here.
Eric:
Yeah. Uh-huh (affirmative).
Amanda:
The crown of the dolphin head is where the hole is.
Eric:
No, no. I definitely acknowledge... It makes sense now that I'm being told it, but if I had to think about it I go, "Oh no, that would go more... "
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
It just seems odd to be up here.
Amanda:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
I feel like if you stretch the head out...
Eric:
But it does make sense.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
No, it makes sense.
Amanda:
Okay.
Eric:
It's just weird.
Julia:
I picture a dolphin standing up and then face is where dolphin throat currently is, which is terrifying and wrong.
Amanda:
It's like a Disney character.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
One of those suited characters.
Julia:
Yeah. Exactly.
Amanda:
I don't like that. Don't like that imagery.
Eric:
So we all know that being mysterious can be cool.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
If you're the cool, mysterious person, like, oh, what's that person up to?
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
They're very cool. Is Nessie that kind of mysterious?
Julia:
I think-
Eric:
Because she's just kind of there every so often in a blurry photo, but is it just extreme shyness or is it mysteriousness?
Amanda:
I feel like it's extremely mysterious. Everybody that the Encantado would have sex with would be like, "Guys, this amazing woman got away," and it would be the most mysterious legacy. And then sometimes maybe somebody would put it together and be like, "Guys, she turned into a dolphin." And everyone's like, "Okay, guy." And it's just a very mysterious and cool legacy.
Eric:
Yes.
Julia:
That's a great excuse for getting ghosted.
Amanda:
Yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
Really. Genuinely very good.
Amanda:
You got dolphined, and that's not your fault.
Julia:
So are we going Nessie or are we going Encantado?
Amanda:
Dolphining is when you go, "Ahh," and then you leave.
Julia:
Shit. Why?
Eric:
At the door?
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
[crosstalk 00:27:44]
Amanda:
No, it's more of a metaphor. It's like you have a brief and memorable interaction and then below the waves. [inaudible 00:27:53] from you. All right. So Nessie or Encantado?
Eric:
Encantado.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Excellent. All right, we're going to move on to the Bake-kujira, which you guys might know.
Amanda:
Bake-kujira!
Julia:
Yeah. Ghost whale from Japan. A ghostly whale that sometimes appears on misty nights accompanied by strange birds and fish.
Eric:
Very cool.
Amanda:
I prefer from pool party.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative)- Sure.
Amanda:
I would join the party franchise.
Julia:
And then of course there's the Salmon of Knowledge.
Eric:
The Salmon of Knowledge.
Julia:
It's been so long since we talk about the Salmon of Knowledge.
Amanda:
Yes.
Eric:
[inaudible 00:28:20]
Julia:
From Irish mythology it is a salmon that ate nine hazelnuts that fell into the well of wisdom and thus gained all the knowledge in the world. And if you eat it, you gain that knowledge. The stakes are high.
Eric:
What's cooler?
Julia:
Didn't know hazelnuts grew in Ireland. Guess so.
Amanda:
Why aren't we drinking from the well instead of going three energy levels deep into the salmon?
Julia:
Maybe it's like one of those things where it's like the salmon is diluting it ever so slightly. If you drink from the well, just [crosstalk 00:28:51].
Amanda:
Die.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
You can't handle it.
Julia:
[crosstalk 00:28:52] Something like that.
Amanda:
Fair.
Julia:
But the salmon, delicious and also all the wisdom in the world. The best meal ever.
Amanda:
That's true. I have been making a lot of Chris Morocco's miso maple salmon glaze from the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen.
Julia:
Sponsor us.
Amanda:
I don't know. I just want to talk to them. I just want to hang out. That's all I need.
Julia:
That's fine.
Amanda:
I don't know if that makes me more or less likely to choose the salmon of knowledge because then I might want to eat him.
Eric:
I mean, I'd definitely want to eat him.
Julia:
A good friend would let you eat him.
Amanda:
Yes.
Eric:
Is it...
Amanda:
But then I know too much. I already know too much. I don't want to know anything else.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Are we going Bake-kujira then?
Eric:
Yeah, let's go with that. Yeah.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Ghost whale.
Amanda:
Nice ghost whale.
Julia:
All right, awesome.
Eric:
Learning isn't cool.
Amanda:
Yeah, fuck learning.
Eric:
Drop out. Smoke weed.
Julia:
Thank you. Jesus. Don't listen to our advice on this podcast. So the first thing we're going to talk about is Bigfoot. Do I really have to explain Bigfoot to you guys right now?
Eric:
No.
Audience:
No.
Julia:
All right, cool. Thank you.
Amanda:
We're good. We're good.
Julia:
All right. So Bigfoot is up against the Kabouter, which is a Dutch spirit similar to a leprechaun. They're said to live in tiny mushrooms, and they...
Eric:
Love that.
Julia:
When they're used in modern [inaudible 00:30:04] in the Netherlands, it's a representation for psychedelic drugs. Nice.
Amanda:
Ooh.
Julia:
In the stories they wear little red hats and will help around the home, but they're said to be shy. And there are stories of them punishing humans for spying on them while they work.
Amanda:
I mean, don't spy on people who are working.
Julia:
It's like a over-
Eric:
What do they do?
Julia:
Just help around.
Eric:
Okay. It's like middle management?
Amanda:
Just help out.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
No, I am saying you can't micromanage them.
Amanda:
But they are so high.
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Every time.
Julia:
They're high all the time, and you cannot micromanage them.
Amanda:
That sounds so cool.
Eric:
That's very cool.
Julia:
Cooler than Bigfoot though?
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Cool, cool, cool. This is going way different than I thought it would.
Amanda:
Real easy to sneak in places with you.
Julia:
That's true. That's true.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Next up is the Loveland Frog. Shout out Ohio.
Eric:
Yes.
Julia:
What up? So they are large humanoid looking frogs that were first spotted in Loveland, Ohio... Matt is freaking out... in 1955.
Amanda:
I'm trying to figure out how exactly they are humanoid, and I don't know if I want to continue down this train of thoughts.
Eric:
Is it like... What's the Looney Tunes frog? What's that guy?
Julia:
The hello my baby, hello my honey guy?
Eric:
Yep.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Thank you for doing [crosstalk 00:31:09].
Julia:
You're welcome.
Eric:
What's his name? He's got a silly name.
Audience:
[crosstalk 00:31:14]
Julia:
Does anyone know? No?
Eric:
Damn.
Julia:
All right. [crosstalk 00:31:16]
Amanda:
Asking the wrong person [crosstalk 00:31:17].
Julia:
Yeah, okay. So a local man reported seeing three frog-like men with leathery skin, webbed hands and feet on the side of the road. A businessman watching the figures converse for a while and one of the creatures held out a wand over its head and sprayed a bunch of sparks, startling the observer and making him flee the scene.
Eric:
I know what this is.
Julia:
Yeah?
Eric:
This is a hobo who has watched three kids play with sparklers.
Amanda:
Oh no. But he was a businessman.
Julia:
The businessman was the one that got scared.
Amanda:
Yes.
Eric:
Oh, I have no idea.
Julia:
Okay. He's up against the Leshy, which is a Russian forest spirit who has the ability to change shape at will as well as height and size. He will lead travelers astray if they disrespect his forest, but is also known to take care of children abandoned by their family in the woods. He looks kind of like a super moss covered just dude.
Eric:
I'm into him.
Julia:
Yeah. More than the magic frogs?
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Okay. Interesting.
Eric:
And here's why. Here's why.
Julia:
Give it to me.
Eric:
He can change height? Very cool. I had to take a five hour flight over here, and the leg room is not enough. If you could just... And my girlfriend does not have this problem.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
She's 5'3".
Julia:
Yes. I understand.
Eric:
And if you could just get short, never have to upgrade your seat again.
Amanda:
It's true.
Eric:
I love that.
Amanda:
Just get tall, reach the-
Eric:
That's very cool to me from an economic standpoint.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
That makes sense. Okay. Excellent.
Amanda:
Yeah. I think that is pretty... I was going to say there's nothing cooler than...
Julia:
A magic frog?
Amanda:
Hospitality.
Julia:
Okay. I just do not understand how this is going the way it is, but okay.
Amanda:
You got to keep each other guessing, Julia. We're 22 years deep into this friendship. You just got to-
Eric:
Also, I just like a guy in a ghillie suit.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
So I just like the-
Amanda:
That's basically what he is.
Julia:
All right.
Amanda:
And also, isn't it great to know that if you come across somebody in need in your travels that you're not the friend who's responsible for it?
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
That would be a weight off my back, and irresponsibility is also cool.
Julia:
All right. Let's get up to the real moment here for you guys.
Eric:
Here we go.
Amanda:
Okay.
Eric:
Can't wait.
Julia:
So we got the Bugbear which is a type of hobgoblin. Typically you find them in Europe. They were depicted as being creepy bears that would lurk at the edge of forests threatening to steal badly behaved children away.
Amanda:
Okay.
Julia:
Good?
Amanda:
Okay. [crosstalk 00:33:44] Fair.
Eric:
Maybe not good, but...
Julia:
And then we're-
Eric:
[crosstalk 00:33:47] I understand fully.
Julia:
And then we have Jerff. So Jerff is-
Eric:
What is Jerff? Okay, this is the...
Julia:
Do you want to guess?
Eric:
Julia shared a few of these a while ago, and I was like I cannot wait to find out about Jerff.
Julia:
Do we want to try and guess what Jerff is?
Amanda:
I would. Very much. Go ahead.
Julia:
Yes. Jerff is a drug dealer.
Amanda:
We already covered that.
Julia:
Who is extremely into playing Donkey Kong with the high schoolers he deals LSD to.
Eric:
Jerff is a small... He looks like a rodent.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
And he's this tall, and he... I got nothing more about him.
Amanda:
Okay. Honestly, closest.
Julia:
Jerff is the dust left at the end of a box of cereal that spills over into your milk and ruins the whole bowl. So Jerff is-
Eric:
I love that dust.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
I love it.
Julia:
Jerff is from Scandinavian folklore.
Eric:
Okay.
Julia:
He has many names. He's also known as the goulan, but I picked Jerff.
Amanda:
What are the other names?
Julia:
Goulan.
Eric:
What?
Julia:
But I picked Jerff because Jerff. [crosstalk 00:35:01] He is a dog, cat, fox hybrid, and he is the symbol of gluttony. When he kills its prey, he will gorge himself until he's unable to eat anymore, at which point he will squeeze himself between trees to make more room in his stomach and then continue to feed.
Eric:
Can you...
Amanda:
I kind of prefer the drug dealer.
Eric:
Can you just read it one more? Just quick. Because I feel like I've wanted to ask for rereads before, but I feel like on this one we just need to hear it once more.
Julia:
Dog, cat, fox hybrid.
Eric:
Right. The sequel to [crosstalk 00:35:42].
Amanda:
No, I'm out. I'm out.
Julia:
The symbol of gluttony.
Amanda:
I'm Mark Cuban, and I'm out. This is not happening.
Julia:
It will kill its prey and gorge itself on it until it's unable to eat anymore, and then it will squeeze itself between trees to make more room in its stomach and then continue to eat.
Eric:
I don't like it.
Julia:
Okay. How do we feel about it compared to creepy bear that steals children away?
Amanda:
Fine. Fine. Upstanding citizen.
Eric:
You know what? I don't love the bear who's stealing people, and I want to be very clear. I don't think that that is cool while we're trying to figure out what the coolest one of these is, but I don't even know what Jerff is up to. I understand its weird eating ritual, but why is it doing any of that?
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
It's just so gluttonous it just thinks, "Well, time to go again." I don't like that at all.
Amanda:
Maybe Jerff needs some support for disordered eating. That's fine.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
That's fine.
Amanda:
I support him.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
But he needs to focus on himself right now and not be my coolest friend.
Julia:
I feel like I'm going to throw up. Which one do we go with?
Eric:
Not Jerff.
Amanda:
Not Jerff. [crosstalk 00:36:54]
Julia:
Bugbear. All right.
Eric:
Bugbear.
Julia:
I'm so glad that went the way I thought it would. All right. The last match up we have is the Ba jiao gui, which is also known as the banana ghost in Chinese folklore.
Amanda:
I'm down. That one.
Eric:
I'm so in.
Julia:
She is a ghost who lives in banana trees and often can be found wailing underneath it. It's said if you ask her for the winning lottery numbers through a ritual you can get them.
Amanda:
Cool.
Julia:
But if you don't complete it properly, you die a painful death.
Amanda:
That sounds right. That sounds like a good, puritanical consequence for gambling.
Julia:
And then we have-
Eric:
Completely does.
Julia:
The Clurichaun, which is a mischievous fairy from Irish folklore. It's usually conflated with the leprechaun. He's known for his great love of drinking and a tendency to haunt breweries, pubs, and wine cellars.
Amanda:
Sounds way too much like so many of my relatives.
Julia:
Yep.
Eric:
That's just an Irishman.
Amanda:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
I like the first one because... What was the last thing about them?
Julia:
The lottery numbers, but you have to perform the ritual correctly.
Eric:
Yeah. I like the big go big or go home.
Julia:
Okay, okay.
Amanda:
Double or nothing every time.
Eric:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
It's like, respect the boundaries of your friendship...
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
And then you get winning lottery numbers.
Amanda:
Exactly.
Julia:
A win win honestly. So banana ghost? All right.
Amanda:
Banana ghost.
Julia:
Banana ghost.
Eric:
Also she probably knows how to have a good weekend in Vegas.
Julia:
She probably does. Yeah.
Eric:
Probably going to just hang.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Can I just... Can I try something?
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, banana ghost.
Eric:
I like it.
Amanda:
Try it again?
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo...
Audience:
Banana ghost.
Julia:
Great.
Amanda:
Yes! Thank you so much!
Julia:
Just made her night. Fuck. All right.
Julia:
So Amanda, when we were recording the episode live in Los Angeles, we needed to feed a bunch of people who were going to be performing in front of a bunch of other people. And so naturally, we hit up DoorDash.
Amanda:
We did. We got some absolutely amazing hot chicken and waffles from a place in the neighborhood. And that's what I love about DoorDash is that it connects both local restaurants near you with other things like national chains. So if you really need to get your favorite go-to lunch special at your office or house or in another city, you know exactly where to go. It's DoorDash.
Julia:
Yeah. And ordering is super easy. All you have to do is open up the DoorDash app, you choose what you want to eat... in our situation, hot chicken... and then your food is delivered to you wherever you are, in which case, a theater in Los Angeles. It's not just your favorite pizza joint. It's also 310000 restaurants that are partnered in over 4000 cities, so you might just find a new favorite if you search on the DoorDash app. And with door to door delivery in all 50 states, in Puerto Rico, in Canada, in Australia, you can order all of your local go-to's, or you can choose your favorite national chains like, I don't know, Cheesecake Factory. Hey, what's up, Amanda?
Amanda:
Yeah. Or Chipotle, which is I feel like the most energy per dollar possible for to-go food.
Julia:
As long as you don't spend extra on guac. But with DoorDash, you never have to worry about your next meal. You just have to order it through DoorDash. And right now our listeners can get $5 off their first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter the promo code creepy.
Amanda:
That is a new promo code. Enter the code creepy at checkout to get five bucks off your first order of $15 dollars or more when you download the DoorDash app from the app store.
Julia:
Yep. Again, that's the code creepy for $5 off your first order with DoorDash.
Amanda:
Julia, we are also sponsored this week by a service that genuinely really, really helps me both when I'm traveling and here at home. As a person who is self employed and has erratic hours sometimes, we perform at night or we're recording late at night to talk to Garth Nix in Australia, I don't know, BetterHelp is how I stay connected with my mental health and with my therapist. They are the world's largest counseling service, and they've invited us in this ad spot to talk about your mental health and how to reach out and get help.
Julia:
Yeah. You know, you wouldn't hesitate to go to a doctor for professional care if you, say, broke your arm, so your mental health deserves the same attention. So BetterHelp is here to assess your needs and match you with your own counselor from their network of licensed, accredited, and board certified therapists.
Amanda:
And I can tell you from personal experience that you can start communicating with your therapist in under 24 hours. It's just like traditional therapy in that you can have a phone call or a video call with your therapist, but you're also able to send them messages off hours. So I know that I often think throughout the week, "Oh, wait, I want to talk about this in therapy." So instead I can just send a note and be like... either write down the question or the insight that I had and correspond with my therapist that way, or I can just make a note and say, "Hey, I want to talk about this," and then we do when we have our call.
Julia:
Yeah. And I know with the amount of traveling we do and stuff like that like you said, not being limited to the same day every time or in that nine to five range where everyone is usually working is really, really helpful.
Amanda:
Yeah. You can schedule in the app with a calendar, and that is honestly the biggest anxiety win of being like, "I will schedule this, not on the phone as I stare at my calendar." So BetterHelp is committed to facilitating these great therapeutic matches, and it makes it easy and free to change counselors if you need to, which is awesome. It's also more affordable than a lot of traditional offline counseling, and financial aid is also available. But either way, you can get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/Spirits. That's Better H-E-L-P.com/Spirits.
Julia:
Yep. BetterHelp.com/Spirits.
Amanda:
And finally, Julia, another just absolute go-to in managing a small business with a lot of stuff to do, it's HoneyBook. I actually recommended this to a friend recently who have just gone from having a full-time job to being a full-time consultant. And they were like, "I need to do invoices and also keep track of that somehow. I want the least annoying software possible to do that." And I was like, "Honestly girl, you got to check out HoneyBook." They are an online business management tool that organizes all that stuff, invoicing, contracts, bookings, client communications, all in one place. And my favorite feature, I say it every time but it is true, is that it connects with software you already use like Excel, Mailchimp, QuickBooks, and Google Suite. It's clutch.
Julia:
Yeah. Honestly, I've heard from you and I've heard from other creators that HoneyBook is so, so helpful in managing all of that kind of stuff.
Amanda:
They also have e-signatures. We just had to sign a four way new host agreement for joining the party, and getting everybody to sign a PDF was extremely easy because HoneyBook lets you do very easy e-signatures and other kind of tools and automations to save you time and get you paid faster. Right now HoneyBook is offering all of our listeners half off your first year when you visit HoneyBook.com/Spirits. That's flexible, so it applies to both monthly and annual plans, which is awesome. At HoneyBook.com/Spirits get half off your first year.
Julia:
Yep. That's HoneyBook.com/Spirits.
Amanda:
And now, let's get back to the show.
Julia:
So we're on to round two. And what we're going to do is I want 10 words from each of you arguing what side you want to win, okay?
Eric:
Okay.
Julia:
Only 10 words.
Amanda:
Which of the yokai, water, air, land.
Julia:
Yes. So I'm going to... We're on the second round. That means we have 16 choices.
Amanda:
Cool.
Julia:
All right.
Amanda:
Excellent.
Julia:
And I have them written down. So the first one up is the Basan which is the fire breathing rooster...
Eric:
Very good.
Julia:
Versus the Okubi which is the-
Eric:
Big floating head.
Julia:
Disembodied head. Yes.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
So 10 words. Which do you think is going to win or should win?
Eric:
Big head mode. NBA jam. Golden eye.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
Awesome.
Julia:
All right. Okay. Okay. Amanda.
Amanda:
Okay. I just want to get old enough be big head.
Julia:
Excellent. Okubi wins. Great. All right. So the next one up is the Yama oroshi which you may remember is the porcupine, the metal porcupine.
Amanda:
Incredible.
Julia:
And that is up against Takiyasha hime which is the toad sorceress.
Amanda:
Ooh.
Julia:
10 words.
Eric:
Frog lady. Very cool. Lots of powers.
Julia:
Hell yeah.
Eric:
Hell yeah.
Amanda:
I'm going to go with sharpen your knives and also your graters please and thanks.
Julia:
Ooh. Ooh. See, Amanda's argument better.
Eric:
I mean, take it by all means.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
By all means.
Julia:
All right. Yama oroshi going through to the next round. Not how I saw that one going. All right.
Amanda:
I just feel guilty every time I do use my knives that I am probably not sharpening them often enough.
Julia:
Yep. It's fair. An anxiety that we all have.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
All right. So next up is Bas-
Amanda:
How do you sharpen a grater though? That would be so challenging. Fuck.
Julia:
So the next one is Bas Celik which is the winged sorcerer dude...
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Versus sexy, sexy Mothman.
Amanda:
Okay. I really have to make sure I use these 10 words right.
Eric:
What was the bit more about Bas [crosstalk 00:45:37]? There was another...
Julia:
So a powerful, evil winged man who cannot be held... His soul is not in his body.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
He can only be subdued via dehydration.
Eric:
Okay.
Julia:
Just like Baz Luhrmann. That's right. Thanks guys.
Amanda:
I owe it to Callam to vote for hottie Mothman.
Julia:
Got you.
Eric:
Mothman, good for Ohio, good for West Virginia. 2020.
Julia:
Mothman it is. Love it.
Amanda:
Very good.
Julia:
Next is the Alkonost which is the singing pretty bird lady...
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Versus La Lechuza which is the avenging bird lady.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative)- Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Eric:
Big bird lady round.
Julia:
Big bird lady round.
Amanda:
That's true. Honestly, I feel like either bird lady is a win for Spirits.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
It's true.
Eric:
Which one do you like, Julia?
Julia:
See, Amanda reacted very strongly to the ooh, well, if I could just forget all of my problems by listening to a hot bird lady sing, you could live that life.
Amanda:
That sounds like a blissful death.
Julia:
Sound good?
Eric:
That sounds good.
Julia:
All right. Alkonost it is. All right. Next one is the Mbembam one...
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Yep. Yep.
Julia:
Versus the Bunyip which is the wet bulldog or starfish.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
That's too challenging for me. That's too challenging for me.
Julia:
But not the brontosaurus?
Amanda:
Love brontosaurus. Brontosaurus real.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
Despite what briefly [crosstalk 00:47:03] one year of science had to tell us.
Julia:
10 words.
Amanda:
Sorry, I was editorializing.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
I'm going to say Bunyip. Bunyip, cool swamp.
Julia:
Cool swamp, bro.
Eric:
[inaudible 00:47:17] How about this? Get out of my swamp, donkey. Bunyip. There we go. Shrek reference. The internet loves it.
Amanda:
Excellent.
Julia:
You're going Bunyip?
Amanda:
That's it.
Julia:
All right. Great. Glad we could agree. The next one is the Encantado versus our good friend Bake-kujira the ghost whale.
Eric:
What was the Encantado? I remember really liking him.
Julia:
Singing dolphin.
Eric:
Singing dolphin. Blow hole on top of the head.
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
Okay.
Julia:
Yes. Yes.
Eric:
Very mysterious. What's under the hat?
Julia:
Seems hot.
Eric:
Seems hot. Swipe left [inaudible 00:47:58].
Julia:
Great.
Eric:
That was 12, but you know.
Julia:
I don't care. I'll take it.
Amanda:
Okay. Tale as old as time, song as old as dolphin.
Julia:
Very good, gang.
Amanda:
I was going to stick the landing there, y'all. Didn't think about the word count.
Julia:
All right. Next up is the Kabouter versus the Leshy. So that's the psychedelic mushroom one versus the guy in a ghillie suit.
Eric:
Love guy in ghillie suit.
Julia:
Ghillie suit. [inaudible 00:48:27]
Amanda:
I'm getting these very strong Dumbledore with putter-outer vibes from this whole ghillie suit, sparkler, scaring situation. And anyone who scares the Dudleys... the Vernon Dursleys of the world is a friend of mine.
Julia:
Okay. That was too many words.
Amanda:
Oh, I'm sorry. [crosstalk 00:48:46]
Eric:
I'm going to say moss man...
Julia:
Moss man.
Eric:
Better than Mothman.
Julia:
Better than Mothman. All right.
Amanda:
Moss man less hot, but still good. Go Mothman.
Julia:
Okay. Leshy it is. Excellent choice. And then we have-
Amanda:
Sorry, I'm going to revise that. Go Mothman, peach emoji.
Julia:
One word.
Amanda:
It's one character, Julia.
Julia:
And then we have the Bugbear versus the banana ghost.
Amanda:
Ooh.
Julia:
I would like to remind you [crosstalk 00:49:11] that the only reason Bugbear won is because Jerff was terrible.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
It does steal children. We voted it better than...
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
It's a child killer.
Amanda:
Cool.
Eric:
That's cooler than something else, so this cannot win. Why was it a banana ghost again? What was the ghostly part?
Julia:
It lives under a banana tree.
Amanda:
Gambling.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
So I'm going to say-
Eric:
Oh, and it's the cool gambler guy. Yeah.
Amanda:
I'm going to say be gay, do crimes, win gambling. Banana ghost.
Julia:
Excellent.
Eric:
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. banana ghost.
Julia:
Great. Awesome. Loving it, gang. All right. So we're moving on to the next round-
Eric:
Actually, I hate that I said that. I don't... I'm thinking about it in other context now, but I don't like it.
Julia:
All right. So we're moving on to round three, and the determining factor for round three is who is less of a fuck boy/who would be the least likely to be friends with Zeus? Wink.
Eric:
Least likely to be friends with Zeus. Okay.
Amanda:
This is really great. This is going to limit my choices, but in a way that I need to apply to anyone worth being my friend.
Julia:
Exactly. That is why I picked it.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
We need someone-
Eric:
No. What are we doing, friendliest cryptid or coolest cryptid?
Julia:
We're doing person least likely to be a fuck boy.
Eric:
Okay. Okay.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
All right. Friend of Zeus, no friend of mine.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
So the first one is Okubi, which as you remember, old lady head.
Amanda:
Yeah. That one.
Julia:
Versus the porcupine.
Amanda:
I feel like Zeus would try to fuck the porcupine, and it wouldn't end well.
Julia:
Or would Zeus be the porcupine trying to fuck someone else?
Amanda:
I just feel like giant old lady head is Zeus' worst nightmare and therefore coolest cryptid.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
I'm about it. Okubi going through to the semi finals.
Eric:
Did you see the old lady ghost head as a [inaudible 00:51:04]?
Julia:
No. Thought it was going to be the frog sorceress, not going to lie. All right. Now we have Mothman versus Alkonost.
Eric:
Who is Alkonost?
Julia:
Singing bird lady.
Eric:
Singing bird lady.
Julia:
Sing bird lady.
Amanda:
Zeus does like bird ladies.
Julia:
That is true.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Zeus does not like listening to women, so I do feel [crosstalk 00:51:28] like that might edge out Mothman.
Julia:
Oh no.
Amanda:
What do you think, Eric?
Eric:
So it's least likely to be friends with Zeus?
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
Zeus might not also want another hot friend.
Eric:
Exactly. Mothman can predict things.
Amanda:
True.
Eric:
That's a huge boom for him.
Amanda:
And he'll be like, "Zeus, you're going to fuck up," and Zeus will be like, "I don't want to see you again."
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Would Zeus try to befriend Alkonost in order to fuck them?
Eric:
Yes.
Amanda:
Almost certainly.
Eric:
Oh yeah. [crosstalk 00:51:54] But that's not their fault.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
I'm not saying it's their fault. We're saying does the Alkonost have good enough taste to see that coming?
Eric:
Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda:
Very challenging.
Julia:
I know. This is a tough one.
Eric:
This is a tough one.
Amanda:
I need to go with my gut here.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
I need Alkonost to win.
Julia:
Okay. Bye Mothman. Here comes Alkonost. All right. Rip. And now we have Bunyip versus the Encantado.
Eric:
The Encantado.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Oh, wow. Damn. All right.
Amanda:
Yep.
Eric:
Right? Yeah.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
Great name.
Julia:
Zeus would be friends with the Bunyip do we think or just least likely to be friends with Encantado? Encantado also trying to seduce people at parties.
Amanda:
That is true, and I think Zeus would... They'd sleep together and realize it wasn't going to work out and then just be buds at party situations. Also, someone who only shows up for parties is Zeus' best friend.
Julia:
Yes. It's true.
Eric:
But also Zeus sky god loves this guy covered in moss.
Julia:
Yep.
Eric:
So I feel like they're not [crosstalk 00:53:01].
Julia:
Not covered in moss. This is the...
Eric:
This one is not... Who is covered in moss?
Julia:
This is the dolphin. Leshy is the one covered in moss.
Eric:
Leshy is covered in moss.
Julia:
Yes.
Eric:
Okay. This is the dolphin that goes to the parties. Okay.
Julia:
Party dolphin.
Eric:
Party dolphin.
Amanda:
Party dolphin. Oh, I need a party dolphin shirt now.
Julia:
That's very good.
Amanda:
I think party dolphin would be close with Zeus.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Okay.
Amanda:
I think we have to eliminate them [crosstalk 00:53:25].
Eric:
So we have Bunyip.
Julia:
We got to go with wet bulldog, Bunyip.
Amanda:
Yep. Yeah. Not a Zeus magnet.
Julia:
All right. And last we have Leshy, which is the moss man...
Eric:
Right. This is the moss man.
Julia:
Versus banana ghost.
Eric:
Right.
Amanda:
Banana ghost.
Julia:
Banana ghost?
Amanda:
I do think Zeus would try to exploit banana ghost or feel like banana ghost is a threatening presence to Zeus' own hegemony and power.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah. I mean, I think... I have to throw out... I don't want to throw out the prompt.
Julia:
Right.
Eric:
But I think banana ghost is just so cool.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Even if I think they might be friends with Zeus. Because I feel like there's a big possibility for that.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
But I think they are cooler than... I feel like they're cool enough to just slide through this one.
Julia:
I will remind you that banana ghost really values the relationship that you create with them.
Amanda:
Oh yes. Yeah. I think Zeus would try to exploit banana ghost once, and then banana ghost would have the power to end Zeus once and for all.
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
Which is great.
Julia:
So we're going to go with banana ghost for this round.
Eric:
We're going with banana ghost.
Amanda:
Excellent.
Julia:
Awesome. All right.
Amanda:
Love it.
Julia:
Great job, guys. We are on to the final determining factor or the semi finals. Who would have a better drink choice at the bar? [crosstalk 00:54:39] So your first one is Okubi, floating old lady head, and Alkonost, bird lady sing real good.
Eric:
Just got to say we did a great job by not picking the one that doesn't let you have sake in your house.
Amanda:
Yes. Yes.
Julia:
You eliminated first round, which is impressive.
Eric:
Just great for this situation.
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
That's true.
Eric:
So big floating head against...
Julia:
Bird lady.
Eric:
What was her other thing other than being a bird lady?
Julia:
She sing real good.
Eric:
She sing real good.
Julia:
And it makes you forget about everything.
Eric:
Right. That's bad. Like a drink.
Julia:
Yes.
Amanda:
That is why I picked her.
Eric:
Like that drink, Kraken.
Amanda:
I do feel like [crosstalk 00:55:17] old ladies, great taste. Remind you about Prohibition cocktails that haven't come back around yet.
Julia:
Okay. Okay.
Amanda:
They might drink something like chartreuse on ice or something buck wild like that.
Julia:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
And you're just like, respect, man. And I think that's great.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
I think that's great.
Julia:
Chartreuse on ice for old lady?
Eric:
I don't know. It's the best drink.
Julia:
Or the lack of memory?
Eric:
Who would have the better choice at the bar? I mean, there's this bar we used to go to after work called... Well, the bar was called Mulligans. That's not important. They had the drink called the fucker upper, and I feel like this bird lady is going to have a drink like that.
Julia:
That's true.
Eric:
Because I mean, it's exactly like her.
Julia:
Right.
Eric:
And it was a very good drink if you had one.
Julia:
I feel like Alkonost is the embodiment of absinthe.
Eric:
Yes.
Amanda:
Yes.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
While [crosstalk 00:56:06] Okubi is Prohibition cocktails.
Amanda:
Yeah. Or just house red wine, which is fine.
Julia:
From a jug.
Amanda:
Right. Right, right, right. Yeah.
Eric:
Definitely a jug. Oh yeah.
Amanda:
She might also just order a pitcher of wine, which is a power move that I really respect.
Julia:
So are we saying pitcher of wine or absinthe.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
I think it's got to be the make them forget drink.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Yeah. Yeah.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
We're going with that one.
Julia:
Alkonost.
Amanda:
Yep. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
Someone loved that. All right, cool. And now we have the Bunyip [crosstalk 00:56:37] billabong or banana ghost.
Eric:
Banana ghost clearly. High roller.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Gets a good drink every time they go.
Amanda:
Top shelf, baby.
Eric:
Here's a pro tip for the first time you go to a casino, or every time afterwards, you just walk up to the bar, put $20 in that virtual machine, they bring you a drink for free just for-
Amanda:
They do.
Eric:
You just play slowly or you play fast and lose all your money. Or win a bunch of money. But as soon as you got that drink, you just leave. Run away. Free drink.
Julia:
But if you're with banana ghost, [crosstalk 00:57:09] don't have to.
Amanda:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Eric:
Exactly.
Julia:
Whatever you need is at your disposal. What kind of drink would Bunyip be drinking though? Is it just whatever the Australian equivalent to Natty Light is?
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
No, I'm imagining some real high proof, home brew whiskey.
Julia:
Okay. Concerning.
Eric:
Some swamp whiskey.
Julia:
Some bush moonshine.
Eric:
Something... Yeah.
Amanda:
Yeah. I was going to say Australian moonshine.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Interesting.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Eric:
Something real dangerous.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
I do once in my life want to be offered moonshine from someone's house though. That's a real goal of mine.
Eric:
You don't want that.
Julia:
I literally give you homemade lemon cello every year.
Amanda:
It's not moonshine. It's delicious lemon tears.
Julia:
It's just lemon moonshine.
Eric:
Yeah. I mean, I just think banana ghost definitely has the best drink.
Julia:
Yeah. Okay, so we have our final two.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
It is Alkonost singing sad bird versus banana ghost. Hopefully you do the ritual right and get lottery tickets. Otherwise, you die.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Listen...
Julia:
One of those.
Amanda:
Life is a highway. I'm going to ride it all night long, Julia.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
That's what I always say.
Julia:
All right.
Eric:
That's what we said in the car last night.
Amanda:
We had a bad Uber driver last night.
Julia:
Ooh baby.
Amanda:
Ooh baby.
Julia:
Thought I was going to die on the 105. Is that a highway here?
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
405?
Audience:
[crosstalk 00:58:20]
Julia:
There we go. While Frank Sinatra played. That was fun.
Eric:
But we were on the 101.
Julia:
Yeah. Okay. So which one, gang?
Eric:
I mean, it's banana ghost. This guy seems awesome.
Amanda:
Yes.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
Because here's the thing about banana ghost. You don't have to do the terrible life or death bet.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
Yeah. Exactly.
Eric:
You can just hang out with this guy.
Julia:
Okay.
Eric:
And this guy is like... He's like a cool bookie, but he's not your bookie.
Julia:
He's collecting someone else's money.
Eric:
Yeah. Exactly. So as long as you hang out with him, you're in his inner circle, he's probably hanging out with cool people. He's probably breaking someone's legs occasionally as well, which isn't as cool.
Amanda:
But outside. Not where you are.
Eric:
Yeah. Exactly. You don't need to be involved with that stuff.
Amanda:
No.
Eric:
Yeah. I just think he gets up to some fun stuff. He's going to take you on some fun trips. And you treat him well, he'll treat you well. Maybe he-
Amanda:
You know what?
Eric:
Maybe he gives you a good scratch off ticket when you're at the bodega together.
Amanda:
Okay.
Julia:
Yeah.
Amanda:
Or just covers your drinks occasionally, and you're like, "Thanks, bud." You know what? I think the coolest thing of all is being a really thoughtful and lovely friend to your friends, and I think banana ghost really appreciates a friend who doesn't need anything from them except friendship.
Eric:
Yeah. Can we say banana ghost's actual name again just [inaudible 00:59:38] banana ghost?
Julia:
It's Ba jiao gui.
Eric:
Ba jiao gui.
Julia:
Extremely good.
Eric:
Very cool guy. I like him.
Julia:
It's a woman.
Amanda:
I like [crosstalk 00:59:47].
Eric:
Very cool woman. Very good ghost.
Julia:
Cool ghost.
Eric:
I would hang out with this ghost.
Julia:
Okay.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Banana ghost? Banana ghost?
Amanda:
A+.
Eric:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Julia:
All right. And our winner for coolest cryptid is banana ghost.
Amanda:
Banana ghost.
Eric:
Banana ghost.
Julia:
Genuinely not how I saw this going, but I'm really happy with the results.
Eric:
What were the biggest upsets?
Julia:
I really thought Takiyasha hime was going to get further.
Eric:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda:
Yeah. Yeah. Fair.
Eric:
[crosstalk 01:00:14] We did a whole episode about them, didn't we?
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
I'm trying to think who got eliminated early on that I was surprised.
Amanda:
I mean, I'm sorry to leave Bigfoot in round one.
Julia:
Yeah.
Eric:
Yeah.
Julia:
Sorry, bud. I thought that the... I thought you guys would've been more into the drunk leprechaun, but no.
Amanda:
I was extremely compelled by box grater ghost.
Eric:
Yeah.
Amanda:
I'm going [crosstalk 01:00:33] about them later.
Julia:
All right. Excellent.
Amanda:
Yeah.
Julia:
Well, that is Coolest Cryptid, y'all. Thank you for playing with us.