Episode 62.4: The Inside Man
/We reach out to a secret contact in Akron, Ohio—Amanda’s cousin Chad.
Featuring David Rheinstrom as Chad. Written by Eric Silver.
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Transcript
AM: This is Spirits Podcast Episode 62.4: Bring Out Your Ghosts.
JS: Now, if it sounds different, it's all the Ohio in the air. It's thicker like molasses or a blanket. So, we might sound extremely comfortable at all times. If you haven't been keeping up with the Banshee-cini Chronicles.
AM: Chicken alfredo. Oh, my god, a specter.
JS: Or better known as the Spaghost 2018. Here's what's happening. I accidentally maybe – I don't know – might have allowed the spirit from the other world to come into the material plane. The ghost saw that I was Skyping producer, Eric, who looks like an old-timey pharmacist.
AM: Truth. and I've been telling him for years. It's the beard, the solid Midwesterness.
JS: That pharmacist was her husband back in the ‘18 – whatever is. So, she stole him away and brought him back to where they used to live which is Akron, Ohio, which is now – dan, dan, dan – The Spaghetti Warehouse.
AM: So, now, we are here in the Buckeye State – I saw that on the license plate. I didn't know that before we got here – to get our bearded brother in audio arms back.
JS: Also, our editor, because, damn, this takes forever. Get down. It's a Cockatrice.
CM: Easy, Henrietta. Easy. Shush, shush, shush, shush.
JS: Amanda, why are we here?
AM: Ah, well, I don't really know anyone in Ohio besides Eric. So, I reached out to my family to see if I had any relatives in the area. It turns out having, you know, 20 year or so siblings per nuclear family is somewhat of a boon. And, now, there's a McLoughlin in every state at the most recent count and, at least, one in every country in the EU. So, this is the esteemed.
CM: Chadwick Icarus McLoughlin, and this is Henri. Shhh. It's okay. They need our help. Now is our time to shine.
JS: Amanda, can I sidebar with you for a moment?
AM: Wow, Julia. We're on tape with a guest, but, sure, I guess.
JS: Just one second of our time, Chadwickerino, and we'll get right back to those questions.
CM: Hey.
JS: Amanda, I know this whole thing has been hard on us. I mean I really want to get Schneider back, but, Chad? Chad was the best we could come up with?
AM: Listen, in every book I've ever read, the underestimated will be redeemed. They'll turn out to be the linchpin of the entire adventure. I say we cut out the middleman and let Chad help us. Come on. With the middle name like Icarus, how bad could it really be?
JS: Do you – do you listen to our show?
AM: I listened to my jokes.
JS: Okay. All right. Chad, hey.
CM: Hey. And we all met, my lady dudes. How can I be of service?
AM: Listeners, you can't see me, but I'm giving Chad the hang 10 sign. What's up, cous?
JS: All right. But I just wanted to know what you're qualified to talk about before we really dive in. We're looking for an expert in interplanal portals. Can you tell us anything about that?
CM: I have never heard of that before ever.
JS: Okay. How about interdimensional spectral movement?
CM: Nope.
JS: Spectral analysis.
CM: Oh, I think I took that in college. No. No, wait. That was Geology.
AM: Maybe he's not super pertinent to our search right now, but he is here in Ohio where we are. And we have him on mic. So, he can be on background. It's like a radio term, Chad. It’s very exciting. It’s very important. He'll be like our mythological man on the ground. Chad, buddy, do you know about cryptids?
CM: Crypt what?
AM: You know, like monsters?
CM: Never heard of them. Like Frankenstein.
AM: Frankenstein is a monster. Exactly.
CM: No, no, no, no. It's just Frankenstein. It's the name of the book.
JS: How about I, I just read off our episode titles? And you can tell me if you know anything about what we're talking about.
CM: All right.
JS: Medusa.
CM: Nope.
JS: Maui
CM: Uh-uh.
JS: Stonehenge.
CM: Ah.
AM: Tailypo, Reptilian cults, Russian Bird Husband's?
CM: No, no, and what? For Henri? She's taken.
JS: Krampus.
CM: I have some Bengay if you need it. Muscle cramps really hurt.
JS: This is hopeless. Chad, thank you for letting us stay in your home. The backlit poster of Willem Dafoe was a really, really nice touch, but we can't stay here and try to explain all of this. We have to get to the Spaghetti Warehouse before it's too late.
CM: Yo, the good old S-Dubs! I'm there all the time. My boy, Spunge, works the late shift. So, he gives me all the leftover breadsticks.
AM: I want breadsticks.
JS: Can Spunge help us out? We got to get in after hours.
CM: No problem. I'll hit him up with my Spunge burner phone. He got me this for Winter Solstice. So, we can talk to each other without the cops hearing us.
AM: About like, like a crime, Chad?
CM: No, just like – no cops, please. Henri, no, stop it. Hey, Spunge, dog, it’s Chadwick. Yeah, dude. Hey, what's cracking? No, it sounds good. No, I didn't know you were sick. Oh, bro, that's terrible. Hey, are you working tonight? That's what's up. That's what's up. Okay. Are you gonna be around after your shift ends? Because my cousin and a friend, Julia, are in town. And they wanna see like an after-hours tour of the Spaghetti Warehouse. They're like it's haunted or whatever. And [Inaudible 5:09] that.
JS: Okay. I'll admit Chad’s on the case.
CM: But, you know, [Inaudible 5:13].
AM: We are going to find a Schneider. This might actually happen.
JS: We'll get our bearded boy back and banish that ne’er-do-well spirit back to where she belongs.
AM: And maybe Spunge can get us those leftover breadsticks --
JS: Okay. Priorities.
AM: -- after our mission. I'm not above reclaiming food waste for my own purposes.
JS: Oh, yes, def. We’ll update you as soon as we can listeners. Until next time, stay creepy.
AM: Stay cool.
Transcriptionist: Rachelle Rose Bacharo
Editor: Krizia Casil