Episode 62.2: The Expert
/A ghost stole Eric and we need an expert, stat. Luckily we got in touch with the greatest ghost academic in the city (who would agree to an interview in less than 24 hours).
Featuring Danielle Shemaiah as Dr. Halström.
Written by Eric Silver.
Find Us Online
If you like Spirits, help us grow by spreading the word! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, & Goodreads, and review us on Apple Podcasts to help new listeners find the show. You can support us on Patreon to unlock bonus audio content, director’s commentaries, custom recipe cards, and so much more. Merch is for sale at spiritspodcast.com/merch. To read up on us, listen to us on other podcasts, or send us a note, just head on over to SpiritsPodcast.com.
About Us
Spirits was created by Julia Schifini, Amanda McLoughlin and Eric Schneider. We are founding members of Multitude, a production collective of indie audio professionals. Our music is "Danger Storm" by Kevin MacLeod (http://incompetech.com), licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0.
Transcript
AM: Welcome to Spirits Podcast Episode 62.2: What the fuck! Eric is missing.
JS: It's a catchy title. Also, it's what's happening. It's an emergency episode.
AM: So, ConSpiriters, if you've been listening, you know that our lovely producer and editor, Eric, is missing. He kind of got stolen.
JS: By a ghost.
AM: An apparition.
JS: A spirit.
CH: I like the name of your podcast. Ha! I like it.
AM: And that is our emergency guest for our emergency episode, Dr. Conway Halström, Doctor of Ectoplasmology specializing in inter-dimensional doors. I think I said that all correctly. Dr. Halström, it is a pleasure, I guess.
CH: Happy to be here.
AM: Ordinarily, when we have a guest on, they bring their expertise or like their own myths that they've experienced, their own urban legends. And we would love if you could actually start out by telling us about your scholarship and your research.
JS: And please bring our bearded friend back. We miss him. We miss him so much.
AM: Julia, come on. We still need to, like, run the show and provide entertainment, you know, to our listeners and stuff like that.
JS: Amanda, a ghost stole our boy.
CH: Stole. Yes. That is a good way to phrase it.
AM: Oh, okay. Well, first things first, here is what we know, doctor. We were recording the show like, always. We got a haunted Google Drive document. And then, poof, he was just gone.
CH: Ah, but that's what you heard on your end. I listened to the entire show that you were taping. Nothing on your end in New York City. But, on this end, a totally different story.
Video Playing
Female: Husband, where are you? Are you still at the factory? Are you still working? I, I can't find you.
ES: Your husband? Is this a feminist critique I don't know about?
AM: Aah, Eric?
JS: Who are you talking to?
ES: No, no, no, no. Aaaah!
JS: Whoa. That's terrifying.
CH: Hmmm. Quite.
JS: He must have been uploading the audio as he was recording. Is that even possible?
AM: An autosave? I don't know. Or the ghost knows how to use the Google suite of products.
JS: That's an impressive ghost.
CH: Who can say? Once a ghost has crossed into the realm of the living, they can touch and manipulate physical objects like a computer or a malted milkshake. Though, that is not to say that this is a technologically savvy creature. This could be an apparition from any time in history. The internet works in mysterious ways and it flows through our realm like an overflowing stream.
AM: What? What realm? What stream?
CH: Human spirits move on into an ethereal plane naturally. That's how we pass on. However, a ghost occurs when the spirit comes back through some open portal.
AM: An open portal in Queens or in Cleveland? Oh, that's insane. Astoria is locked down like an eldritch Fort Knox ever since the 31st Street coven threw down that Leyline Luau over the summer. Remember that Julia with the mojitos?
JS: Mhmm.
AM: It was so fun. I, I wore my best tropical print shirt. And, ah, it was great. Julia?
JS: Yeah.
AM: Normally, my tropical print shirts make a giggle. And, right now, you look really guilty. What's going on?
JS: Umm. Well --
AM: Julia.
CH: Julia.
JS: Okay. So, remember when we were recording the Ouija Boards episode? And I wanted to – you know, I want to know what I was doing. So, I started messing around.
AM: Oh, my god.
CH: Oh, no. Oh, no. Why child? Why? No one should be messing around with Ouija Boards. They mess up everything.
AM: What were you doing that was so important you tried to summon a ghost-like that?
JS: I, I want to talk to Chyna.
AM: Excuse me?
JS: She's the Ninth Wonder of the World. The only woman to hold the WWE Intercontinental Championship.
AM: Oh, my god.
JS: Well, at the time, it was the WWF Intercontinental Championship. She was dating Triple H for a while, but then Stephanie McMahon came into the picture and it was a whole thing. And I just – I need to know what happened from the source. So, I, I lit some candles and I put on the Monday Night Raw 25th anniversary episode and took out the spirit board. And just like, you know --
AM: You allowed a random ghost from another dimension to come and steal our Cleveland boy because you wanted to talk wrestling?
JS: And, and Chyna didn't even show up. Just some sad-looking woman who was in 1800s clothes and had a prescription pad. It was super lame.
CH: This was a bad choice. In my professional opinion, I declare – well, I declare this boy gone.
JS: Oh, no.
AM: There, there is so much happening I need to lie down.
CH: So, a ghost comes in from Julia’s Ouija Boards, lingers within this world to get back, see something in your producer for some reason, travels through your recording session, and snatches him. Was there something about him that would attract a ghost to him?
AM: I don't know. Not really. He talked about our recording, our kind of dope rhymes, complimented them actually specifically. He, he gave some great jokes. And, and he talked about how he was gonna be late. Oh, no.
JS: I thought we were done with this.
CH: What?
JS: The Spaghetti Warehouse.
AM: The Spaghetti Warehouse.
CH: Ah, I've heard of this haunted pasta purveyor. Their entire VC is devoted to the restaurant. It is a marinera beacon of ecto-activity.
AM: So, this ghost wants Eric and also reasonably cheap pasta and spumoni ice cream.
JS: Who knows. But, hey, it's our best guess for now.
CH: A ghost can only reenter the ethereal plane through a liminal space like the portal Julia had opened up. A site of such spooky activity would be the perfect place for reentry.
JS: Huh, all right. Well, it looks like we have no choice. We're going to Ohio.
AM: I will start packing the snacks.
CH: Good luck, ladies. If you have any time, grab me a meatball or six. Please.
Transcriptionist: Rachelle Rose Bacharo
Editor: Krizia Casil