Episode 62: Ouija Boards
/This week, we read up on Ouija boards and try one out in Amanda’s apartment. What can go wrong?
Written and edited by Eric Silver.
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About Us
Spirits was created by Julia Schifini, Amanda McLoughlin and Eric Schneider. We are founding members of Multitude, a production collective of indie audio professionals. Our music is "Danger Storm" by Kevin MacLeod (http://incompetech.com), licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0.
Transcript
AM: Welcome to Spirits Podcast Episode 62: Ouija Boards.
JS: Oh, you know we’re those Ouija broads. Get it? Because it sounds the same.
AM: Julia, a, puns are my game and, b, I'm so excited/like, anxious for this episode.
JS: Excitious?
AM: Anxited? I don't know. But, anyway, like, firstly, we don't mess with portals to another universe, hell gates, stargates in the back room at a Denny's at 2:00 in the morning. It's like not --
JS: Oh, the Beyond section of Bed Bath & Beyond.
AM: Oh, what? There's a section called Beyond?
JS: I don't know.
AM: I mean I hope there is.
JS: There should be.
AM: Or like Crate & Barrel. Like, what's in the ampersand man? Where are they keeping those? Anyway, I just want to know. In that case, those kinds of places are just super not my bag. And I don't want to mess with them. But I also didn't even know that Ouija Boards were, were real. I thought that they were just toys. I thought they were, like, like, a print that people sold and stuff, but, like, they're real.
JS: Aah, Amanda. Amanda, my, my sweet jellyfish nettle, there's so much about Ouija Boards that just fit everything we're about. They’re our aesthetic. They're very kooky and also very spooky. So, we'll get into the history, the mystery.
AM: You know who's kooky and spooky though? Our patrons. That's right.
ES: Wait. Wait. Waiit. What? Why are you guys rhyming?
AM: Eric, what do you mean rhyming?
JS: We're not rhyming.
ES: What? Yes, you are. Kooky, spooky, history, mystery. It's not Duckberg.
JS: Doodo, doodo, doodo, doodo, do, do, do, do.
AM: Wait. Is this – is this – what is this? Is this – is this uh – is this Mighty Ducks or Duck Tales?
JS: Duck Tales.
ES: It’s Duck Tales.
JS: Were you humming the theme song to Mighty Duck?
ES: It's obviously Duck Tales.
AM: I don’t – what? Do they have a theme? One is hockey, and one is a cartoon.
ES: [Inaudible 1:33].
JS: It's the cartoon.
ES: No. No. Both were cartoons. Both were cartoons, but the Duck Tales were – I can't – I – who remembers the, the Mighty Ducks theme?
AM: I don't know. I don't have any notes.
ES: Not, not important. Not important. None of this is making it in the episode. I never got the outlines for the episode. It's not in the drive, and I don't see it on the slide.
AM: I – it's – I, I put it there. I mean it's called Ouija Boards episode summary version 1.2.
JS: Yeah. We had to cut out a bunch of jokes that were in version 1.1. They just, I guess, weren't funny.
ES: I don't see it anywhere. Okay. I'll just keep looking for it. Julia, can we take it from the top with less lines?
JS: Sure. Ouija Boards. Okay. Got it.
AM: This is Spirits Podcast. Oh, no, that's how you do it. Welcome to the Spirits Podcast Episode 62: Ouija Boards.
ES: Wait. Wait. I found the duck. I don't see the outline though.
AM: I'm trying.
JS: It’s staring right ahead. It starts with history, late 19th century.
ES: Yeah. I'm looking at it, but it's different. Well, that's not funny.
JS: Mhmm.
AM: What?
ES: Well, it's just, just weird. Amanda, you gotta – you gotta work on your jokes. Is this supposed to be a joke?
AM: Well, I don't – what do you mean? I make great jokes all the time. If it's a bad joke, I did not write it.
JS: Eric, what does it say?
ES: Yeah. Well, it’s just – it's just like 20 pages of black. And then I scroll down all the way to the bottom, and it says in white, in Comic Sans, “Come back home.”
AM: Okay. It's a pretty good joke, but it wasn't mine.
JS: It's pretty funny. It's a good one.
ES: No. No, not a good one. And I only have half an hour to record before I gotta go. As you know, I'm going to the Spaghetti Warehouse.
AM: Nooo!
JS: Nice. Nice. Nice.
AM: Okay. It's kind of nice. I mean I appreciate that you're going on a self date to the Old Spaghetti Warehouse.
JS: I just – I can't believe you're going without us.
ES: I gotta treat myself for our big anniversary.
AM: I know. I know.
JS: Again, I think we should do it together. We can find a Spaghetti Warehouse that's directly in between us . We all meet up. Have a reasonably priced meal, and then take a selfie in the trolley car.
AM: It's like a romantic comedy, but with, like, spaghetti and a podcast for our two-year anniversary – our two-year anniversary. It's this week.
JS: I know. You know I'm actually – I'm waiting for RomComs where the podcast producer is the flimsy job that the woman has like all of the Hallmark Channel movies.
AM: It's like the new book publisher or something.
JS: Or, the magazine editor.
AM: Or, like, I don't know. Dog sled racer. Is that right?
JS: No.
ES: I got reservations to be inside the trolley. Let's be quiet.
JS: Dang.
AM: Whoa. It's pretty good. All right. All right. Count us in.
ES: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
AM: 3, 2, 1. Welcome to Spirits Podcast Episode 62: Ouija Boards.
JS: Oh, you know it. We’re those Ouija broads. Get it? Because they kind of sound the same.
AM: Julia, I'm so excited/also sort of anxious for this episode.
JS: Anxited.
AM: Ex, excitious? Because like, one, I don't mess with portals to another universe. Like, hell gates, giant holes in the ground, the kitchen of a Denny's in Long Island or an IHOP at maybe 2:00 in the morning.
JS: Oh, the IHOP. Yeah.
AM: Yeah. It's just it's not my back. But, also, I didn't even know that these were real. I thought honestly that they were just toys.
ES: Wait. Wait. Something's wrong with Skype.
AM: Oh, Eric. What about?
AUDIO PLAYING
Woman: My husband. Where’s my husband? My sweet, bearded husband.
ES: You don't hear that?
JS: No, hear what?
AM: Are you getting us back from the Comic Sans thing, which I definitely did not do? But I kind of respect the person who did.
ES: Very funny. Is this one of your audio drama friends? The audio quality isn't that good.
AUDIO PLAYING
Woman: Husband, where are you? Are you still at the factory? Are you still working? I, I can't find you.
ES: Your husband. Is this a feminist critique I don't know about?
AM: Eric?
JS: Who are you talking to?
ES: No, no, no, no, nooooooo!
JS: What is that? Who, who – what was that noise?
AM: What’s happening? Where did he go? Hello?
JS: The, the call is still going.
AM: He's, he's just --
JS: Not there.
AM: So, does this mean we --
JS: We lost our editor. I don't know how to edit.
AM: Neither do I. I know video. I don't know audio. Oh, no.
JS: Oh, shit, shit, shit. Bring up the summary.
AM: Oh, my god. The outline is all black now. He wasn't joking. They’re – oh, my god. On page 22, there's the text, “Come back home.”
JS: Was it in Comic Sans?
AM: It is in Comic Sans.
JS: Oh, whoa. Whoa. It’s changing.
AM: Are you doing this?
JS: No. Look at --
AM: We need that.
JS: Google Docs is gonna save it.
AM: I'm not touching it. Oh, my god. No way.
JS: Your home is the Spaghetti Warehouse, and you're coming home to me?
Transcriptionist: Rachelle Rose Bacharo
Editor Krizia Casil