Can’t Get Emails in the Fae Realm | Your Urban Legends 111
/Is a year of random ghostly screaming too much? We think it is! We also discuss trying to revisit the fae portals of our youth, owl mother-in-laws, and the bartender’s mouthwash.
Content Warning: This episode contains conversations about or mentions of death, home invasion, police activity, child endangerment, cancer, medical procedures, and carbon monoxide leaks.
Housekeeping
- Books: Check out our previous book recommendations, guests’ books, and more at spiritspodcast.com/books
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Cast & Crew
- Co-Hosts: Julia Schifini and Amanda McLoughlin
- Editor: Bren Frederick
- Music: Brandon Grugle, based on "Danger Storm" by Kevin MacLeod
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Spirits is a boozy podcast about mythology, legends, and folklore. Every episode, co-hosts Julia and Amanda mix a drink and discuss a new story or character from a wide range of places, eras, and cultures. Learn brand-new stories and enjoy retellings of your favorite myths, served over ice every week, on Spirits.
Transcript
[theme]
AMANDA: Welcome to Spirits Podcast, a boozy dive into mythology, legends, and folklore. Every week, we pour a drink and learn about a new story from around the world. I'm Amanda.
JULIA: And I'm Julia. And Amanda, it is hometown urban legends time. Let's buckle in. Let's lock it in. I am excited. I am stoked. I find that summertime is when I want to be telling scary stories. Like even— we all know that I'm getting ready for spooky season, like I'm already locked in for spooky season, right?
AMANDA: Oh, yeah.
JULIA: But I think summertime and telling ghost stories over at campfire and everything like that, Is the appetizer—
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: —to spooky season. It is the amuse-bouche to spooky season. It is the prologue to spooky season. It is the—
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: —orchestral opening to a musical spooky season.
AMANDA: Go in, queen. Damn. You woke up on the lyrical side of the bed this morning.
JULIA: I truly was just trying to remember what it's called when the orchestra plays before a Broadway musical, and I kept coming up with other things. And I was like—
AMANDA: Overture, my love.
JULIA: —"Come on, girl. Lock it in." Overture, that's it. That's it.
AMANDA: Nailed it.
JULIA: Nailed it.
AMANDA: I love it. And as usual, you create something beautiful in the quest to do something you've already done before. Julia, do you have an urban legend to start us off with today?
JULIA: I do. I have a couple of— this— for Amandas in the crowd, and also for us, this episode is coming out right after we did our wholesome urban legends episode last week.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: And I did have a couple that I had chosen where I'm like, "Well, the spookiness on these is very light," and then I didn't realize how scared Ronald was gonna be by even the simplest of things. So these ones kind of made it to next week.
AMANDA: Love it.
JULIA: So here we go.
AMANDA: We have the wholesome entree or shot, if you will, and the spooky chaser. That's how we like to do it here on Spirits.
JULIA: Exactly. So I have an email here from Maddy, she/her, titled Finding Great Grandma's Wedding Ring.
AMANDA: Okay. Can't be that bad.
JULIA: Can't be that bad. She starts with, "Hey, Creepy Cool Folks, your call for emails has finally motivated me to write in with some family stories. Myself and a few of my family members have had some paranormal experiences with which I have never been able to dismiss."
AMANDA: Hmm.
JULIA: "First, my own experiences. I have had some chilling, low stakes visits from my grandfather and my dad each about a week after their passing. Both times, I swore I heard my name being called but no one was around, and then something inexplicably moved."
AMANDA: Hmm.
JULIA: "In the case of my dad's visits, a jar of peanut butter yeeted itself off of the kitchen counter, prompting me to think that I had a home intruder."
AMANDA: Yeah, that is not a thing that I would expect to just, like, roll off the counter and drop.
JULIA: Not even roll off the counter and drop.
AMANDA: No.
JULIA: It was yeeted off the kitchen counter.
AMANDA: What a good verb. I love language.
JULIA: "After a very nervous call to 911, and a late night visit by the police, I was left—"
AMANDA: Girl, what'd you say? Girl, what'd you say?
JULIA: She thought she had a home intruder.
AMANDA: It's really funny.
JULIA: She really thought she had a home intruder. "I was left to believe my dad had come by to say, 'I love you' and tried to have his favorite snack, a spoonful of peanut butter on his way out."
AMANDA: Aw, cute.
JULIA: It is just genuinely funny, though. Then it's like, "And so I called 911, because I thought an intruder had thrown my peanut butter."
AMANDA: I fully get it, if I were an intruder and my intrusion was ruined because I knocked someone's peanut butter off a counter, that would be very in keeping for me. That really made me laugh, like, "Officer, my peanut butter fell."
JULIA: "My peanut butter. I was walking into the kitchen and I saw someone throw some peanut butter, and I thought, 'I don't know. Must be a home invasion.'"
AMANDA: "Officer, it yeeted itself. Okay? It didn't just drop. I promise."
JULIA: "You don't know. You don't understand." All right.
AMANDA: Oh.
JULIA: "But these experiences are nothing in comparison to my aunt and the things that she has seen in my grandparents' home. The home, which my family has owned since the 1960s, has seen the passing of multiple family members. My aunt has seen multiple of them visiting, but notably my great grandmother visited her to tell her that she had hidden her long missing wedding ring."
AMANDA: What?
JULIA: "My uncle preparing—" sorry, this is really cute. "My uncle, preparing to propose to her, was astounded when she asked if we had ever opened the drawer of the cabinet that was wedged into a niche in the wall and was basically impossible to open due to the door frame of an adjacent room."
AMANDA: Got it.
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: So, like, the cabinet was in the niche, and then you later put, like, molding or the door frame or something, and it's like, "Well, that can't go anywhere."
JULIA: Yeah. Like, well, then, now that can open—
AMANDA: Right.
JULIA: —maybe, like, two inches, and that's it.
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: Totally understandable. "Once my aunt swore up and down that grandma had told her that she needed to open it, they spent the afternoon shimmying it out of the corner to open it up. Tucked into the back of the cabinet's top drawer was a ring box with the missing ring. My uncle promptly proposed, and my aunt made sure to leave out grandma's favorite flowers for her in thanks."
AMANDA: That's so good.
JULIA: Maddy, that's great. I love that story. Your aunt is cool as fuck. And I love that your great grandma was like, "You know what? I approve of him. Here's where the ring is."
AMANDA: Exactly. "There you go, honey."
JULIA: Or I approve of you, rather .
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: Yeah.
AMANDA: So good. Oh, my God. If only someone would do that for me, but it's a bag with, like, a $100,000, that would be great.
JULIA: Well, Amanda, you gotta have that little monk that we talked about—
AMANDA: We really— yeah. Shit.
JULIA: —from the house spirits come visit you.
AMANDA: Fuck. You're right.
JULIA: Yeah.
AMANDA: You're right.
JULIA: Maddy finishes with, "I may have to write in again to tell the story of how I became my family's ghost and only came clean on the story a decade later." Yes, we want to hear it. We want to hear it.
AMANDA: Yes, girl.
JULIA: Send it to us.
AMANDA: So good.
JULIA: "Stay creepy, stay cool. Maddy."
AMANDA: Oh, Maddy, extraordinary. Extraordinary, spooky stock you come from, girl.
JULIA: That's some good shit. That's some good shit there.
AMANDA: Julia, I have an email here, hot and fresh out the kitchen, a few weeks old—
JULIA: Okay.
AMANDA: —from Lindsay. [6:43]
JULIA: Ooh.
AMANDA: And it's titled, "Did I Go Through a Fairy Portal Under My Parents' Bed And Did It Follow Me?
JULIA: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I wanna know.
AMANDA: Buckle up. "Hey, Amanda and Julia, I've been listening for two and a half years, and finally got caught up on all episodes as of today when I'm writing this."
JULIA: See, that's a reasonable amount of time to spend listening to episodes.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: I'll be honest with you right now.
AMANDA: Yeah. If folks are like, "Hey guys, it's been nine weeks, I've been listening to nothing but you for the, you know, past three months." I'd be like, "Are you okay?"
JULIA: Are you okay?
AMANDA: Lindsay continues, "So I thought it was time to send in my own urban legend. I love all of your miniseries, but particularly, it's Norse of Course, because Freya. I also loved the black cat episode, as all my cats have been black, and I love the misunderstood."
JULIA: Aw.
AMANDA: "That brings me to my urban legend, or should I say, more of a story from when I was that creepy kid."
JULIA: Yes, send.
AMANDA: "I'm going to apologize now for the story, as it may be long and I may be distracted and sidetracked. I'm Irish and have ADHD, so I don't know how to make a long story short."
JULIA: The best combo of things.
AMANDA: You're among friends here.
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "But I'll try and hope that you read this. I am 36, a woman. My pronouns are she/they. I live in Connecticut, and the story does end there, but we begin in the small town of Webster, Mass bordering on Connecticut."
JULIA: Webster, Massachusetts.
AMANDA: Boston. Okay. So, "Like I said, I was a creepy kid growing up, but let me start in the beginning. When I was two, my parents and I moved into the apartment that I would go on to live in for 29 years of my life."
JULIA: Hell yeah.
AMANDA: "Life wasn't easy growing up. My parents argued a lot, and so I would look for an escape, and I like to think the Fae helped me with that."
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "Growing up, my folks had a water bed with a frame, and they eventually got rid of the water bed, which was a shame, because I loved it. Anyway, back to the story."
JULIA: Hmm. Hey, listen, I think my parents had a waterbed before I was born.
AMANDA: Really?
JULIA: Because at one point, they— my childhood home was a two-story home, but their, like, master bedroom was our dining room at one point. And when they lived on that floor, they had a waterbed.
AMANDA: So they lived on the main floor or the dining room was upstairs?
JULIA: They lived on the main floor.
AMANDA: Okay. I mean, that makes sense.
JULIA: And then eventually, they put like a dormer on the upstairs, and et cetera, et cetera.
AMANDA: Got it.
JULIA: But, like, they would tell me stories about the waterbed, but I never experienced the waterbed. So I've never sat on a waterbed before, and I feel like I would enjoy it.
AMANDA: I think— I mean, it reminds me of the womb. Like, I mean, who wouldn't like that?
JULIA: Exactly. It just went out of style because they would pop, and then everything would get gross.
AMANDA: Better to have it on the main floor than an upper floor, though. I gotta be honest.
JULIA: That's what I'm saying.
AMANDA: Yeah. So they did, however, keep the waterbed frame. "So the headboard was flush against the wall, but there was a small crawl space through the bottom." And Lindsay has attached a drawing, Julia, to give you an idea of how it looked.
JULIA: Let me see that.
AMANDA: So Lindsay, thank you so much. Basically, the headboard goes against the wall. There is like the platform that the mattress would have gone on, and then there are some drawers under the bed. But in between the headboard and the start of the drawers is a little crawl space.
JULIA: That is perfect child-sized.
AMANDA: Exactly. Like right under where that the pillows would be, basically.
JULIA: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: And Lindsay says that until they were about eight or nine, "I would just crawl in that space and hide out. It was cozy."
JULIA: Yeah.
AMANDA: "I, in fact, would crawl under there, and then when my mom or dad came in the room, would grab their ankles to scare them. Again—
JULIA: Hell yeah, dog.
AMANDA: "—creepy kid."
JULIA: I love that.
AMANDA: So I was an only child, and there weren't a lot of kids my age in the neighborhood, so I use my own imagination a lot."
JULIA: Relatable.
AMANDA: "For example, when I would sleep over at my grandparents' house, I would pretend to be in the jungle, trying to find a hidden temple when I explored the woods and crick behind their house."
JULIA: Lindsay.
AMANDA: "I would pretend I was living in the woods and the crick was my source of water. So I would tie a string on a stick and, quote-unquote, 'fish.' I also like to think I was an apothecary—"
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: "—and I would grind grass and flowers to make remedies."
JULIA: Children just loved making potions out of—
AMANDA: Yes.
JULIA: —grass and mud, and I love that for us.
AMANDA: Or the self-serve soda machines at the movie theater.
JULIA: That, too.
AMANDA: Yep. "So you can imagine that I used this crawl space and pretended I was in a cave, or whatever I could think of that day."
JULIA: Uh-mm.
AMANDA: "So from when I was about four or five to when I grew out of the crawl space at about nine, I would imagine that a tiny door would appear on the wall under the crawl space in my dreams. I would have dreams, if that's what they were. Who's to say? They were very vivid and felt very real. But I would have dreams that were so vivid, they felt like a hallucination where I—"
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: "—crawled into the space and entered the door. Now, I know, I know, don't go through the Fae portal, but I was a kid, so what did I know?"
JULIA: Hey, listen, there's a reason why there are so many stories about, like, children going through portals and doors and stuff like that. Like, it is common practice for children. I don't know.
AMANDA: It's hard to resist.
JULIA: Yeah. It's like the idea of— you know, you don't question it. You just want to go on the adventure.
AMANDA: Absolutely.
JULIA: Hell yeah.
AMANDA: "So in these dreams/hallucinations, when I entered the door, it would open into a huge underground cavern filled with creatures and lights and buildings. Think of a long—" and I'm so glad that you said this, because I imagine it immediately. It immediately. "Think of the book, City of Ember."
JULIA: Oh, yes.
AMANDA: "With a huge underground cavern with shops and houses built into the rocks or pillars of earth."
JULIA: Did you get super into the idea of, like, canned peaches because of that book? Or is it just me? I still think about canned peaches now.
AMANDA: Of course, Julia. Of course, I do.
JULIA: Yeah.
AMANDA: I exclusively make peach upside down cakes with canned peaches, and I call it my Ember cake.
JULIA: Amanda, that's the cutest fucking thing I've ever heard.
AMANDA: Yeah? And then I brulee the top so it gets all caramel-y.
JULIA: Goddamn it. That's adorable.
AMANDA: Yeah. Yeah. "So from what I remember, there were walkways made of popsicle sticks or playing cards, maybe. It was all kid-sized. The little shops had wooden spools for tables and thimbles for chairs."
JULIA: This is so like City of Lost Things—
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: —kind of vibes. It's adorable.
AMANDA: It's exactly what I fantasize about as a kid as well.
JULIA: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "There were pixies, goblins, hobgoblins, and, of course, fairies—"
JULIA: Of course.
AMANDA: "—who were all tall and beautiful. Looking back, they may have been from the Seelie Court. I'm also sure they were Unseelie as well, but my memory is a little bit hazy. I had such a wonderful time in this imaginary place when I was able to escape the chaos and fighting around me. I would spend all night dancing with them little mushroom people, playing games, and exploring with the Fae friends I made. Now, I don't remember if I ate or drank anything while I was in this world, but I would get a feeling not to. So I am pretty sure I listened and never did."
JULIA: Right. Because you were like, "Crawling through this space, acceptable. Eating something here, absolutely not."
AMANDA: Absolutely not. "I would spend all night and never get tired. And the next morning I'll be back in bed with no recollection of coming through the door to get back home."
JULIA: Adorable.
AMANDA: "Skip ahead about 30 years."
JULIA: Uh-oh.
AMANDA: "I'm now 36."
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "Living in a house in Connecticut. There are two trees in my backyard that look like a portal door." Attach photo number two, Julia.
JULIA: Okay. All right. I can kind of see it.
AMANDA: It sure does look like a portal to me. It's like one very thick tree trunk and one medium one, with, like, a little ridge that definitely looks like it disappears into, you know, the wilderness.
JULIA: Like you drop down.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "My new kitty, Rumple, yes, as in, Rumpelstiltskin. Don't worry. There's three photos of him attached to this email. He's a handsome good boy."
JULIA: Oh, he is a handsome good boy.
AMANDA: He's a handsome good boy.
JULIA: Did you see his little jacket in the snow, Amanda?
AMANDA: He has a quilted barn jacket, like an elegant kitten.
JULIA: He looks so handsome.
AMANDA: And he is on a handsome leash with— or a harness with a leash that matches his eyes, frolicking in the grass.
JULIA: Good for him.
AMANDA: I love you. Rumple.
JULIA: I love him.
AMANDA: What a good name. Okay. Sorry, sidetracked.
JULIA: Did you hear that they're trying to make, like, Rumple, the new shot that bartenders do? And I hate that.
AMANDA: No. What?
JULIA: It's really bad.
AMANDA: Really?
JULIA: It's really bad. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: Wait, what does that mean?
JULIA: Just like— so you know how— there are certain alcohols that, like, go in and out of fashion with bartenders?
AMANDA: Yeah, yeah.
JULIA: Like Fernet—
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: —was a big one for right now.
AMANDA: They're all into amaro or whatever.
JULIA: Yeah. Well, the new one that is kind of up-and-coming is Rumple, which is this, like, peppermint schnapps, essentially.
AMANDA: Oh.
JULIA: That they are starting to, like, kind of get popularized again. I don't know exactly why, but—
AMANDA: No.
JULIA: —it's very odd. It's very odd.
AMANDA: Well, it's a great name for a cat. To be determined on the bartender shot. So Lindsay continues, "As I was saying, there are two trees in the backyard that look like they could totally be a door to another world. And to make it worse, or should I say, to confirm my suspicions, my cat will sit in front of those trees, staring into the void, like he's waiting for a friend to come out from the other side."
JULIA: Uh-oh.
AMANDA: "Now, we all know cats have that interdimensional vision that we don't, and they have to be creepy about it, obviously. And ever since my move, the dreams that I once had as a kid, I now have again as an adult, all the time. Only things are different, scarier. The door in my backyard now appears in my dreams, only I never go in, but I do feel like something is trying to get out."
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: "And whatever it is, is always in the form of my ex."
JULIA: Oh, that sucks.
AMANDA: "His face is blurry. His eyes are black like coal, and whatever this thing is, it's never been able to get me as every time I have this dream, my ex is trying to get back with me and ruin the relationship that I am in now."
JULIA: Oh.
AMANDA: I like to think a couple of things are stopping this entity from entering our world. One, definitely Rumple, my cat. I also know—"
JULIA: Good job, Rumple.
AMANDA: Good job.
JULIA: You're rocking and rolling. You're doing your part.
AMANDA: Turn those beautiful green eyes and say, "Absolutely the fuck not." "But I also like to think that my godmother, who has been gone now for four years, is also protecting me from whatever this thing is."
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: "I've thought about going through the door in hopes of finding magical place again, like I did when I was a kid, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I would love to revisit the place that helps solidify this young girl's already wild imagination, love of cryptids, witchy affection for black cats and crystals. And I'll write in more about me being a creepy kid, especially my visit with the hat man. And see attached photo six of a T-shirt I found. In the meantime, stay creepy, stay cool. Not all Fae portals are bad. Later, Satyrs."
JULIA: I'm concerned that if they go into the portal now as an adult, they won't be able to get back.
AMANDA: I completely agree.
JULIA: Everything in the fictions that I've read tell me that that is probably the case. Also, the T-shirt is fucking hilarious.
AMANDA: What does it say, Julia?
JULIA: It says, "I can't take Benadryl because I owe the hat man money and I don't want to see him."
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: Pretty good. Pretty good.
AMANDA: Sure does. And I will share a bunch of these images on— at Spirits Podcast social media, so you can see sweetie Rumple and the portal.
JULIA: Incredible. Thank you, Amanda.
AMANDA: Lindsay, thank you. Take care of yourself. I think you may have to just recreate this space in art, because it seems like something about the real world is collecting bad energy that I don't want you to take on.
JULIA: Yes.
AMANDA: And also, I don't think you'll be able to send us an email from the Fae realm if you do go back and get stuck there. So—
AMANDA: You're so right.
JULIA: —that does make it a little bit harder for us to keep the audience and ourselves updated on this story. And as a journalist, I'm not a journalist, that's really important to me.
AMANDA: You know, content comes first and also your safety. Just kidding. Thank you, Lindsay. And please do write more in.
JULIA: Incredible. Amanda, I am craving a drink, not from the Fae realm, because I don't want to get stuck there.
AMANDA: Not Rumple. Not Rumple, Julia. It's 2:00 o'clock in the afternoon. I can't do Rumple.
JULIA: We'll be right back.
[theme]
AMANDA: Hey, everybody. Amanda here. Welcome to the refill, where I would like to extend a special welcome to our news patrons, RussJK72 and Gizemli, as well as our supporting producer-level patrons— now, guys, when I say we couldn't do this show without you, what I literally mean is we would have to stop the show if we did not have your support on Patreon. So thank you very much. We really appreciate it, and we love that those of you with disposable income to share help make this show possible for everybody else. Like it's just a rad thing to do, and we really appreciate you. So thank you to the supporting producer-level patrons, Uhleeseeuh, Anne, Hannah, Lily, Matthew, Rikoelike, Scott, and Wil. And our legend-level patrons, Audra, Bex, Chibi Yokai, Michael, Morgan H., Captain Jonathan MAL-uh-kye Cosmos, Sarah, and Bea Me Up Scotty. If you would like to follow us for free on Patreon, just because social media is not like your thing these days, valid, then you can do so at patreon.com/spiritspodcast. And if you want to become a paid patron, that's also where you do that. And hey, folks, we have so been enjoying all of the beautiful stones you've added to our stone soup of urban legends recently, but we also want to mix in your voicemails. So remember, if you're in the US, you can call us right on your phone at 617-420, nice, 2344, or if you're outside the US, email us a voice memo, spiritspodcast@gmail.com. Even if it's a shorty and you're just telling us something quick or asking us a question, that's totally cool. Or even if it's longer, we will pause and react in between your voicemail. We want to hear you, so send them in. It is a wonderful time at Multitude, because it is our annual summer survey. We take your opinions really seriously, so every single year, we ask you questions that help us determine what we do with the future of Multitude. We have decided things like what kinds of shows to make, where to tour, and what kind of merch to provide to you, so make your voice heard. And then, as an extra incentive, at the end of the survey, we have a collage of our pet photos. And, y'all, we have added some pets over the course of the last year. They are so cute and you're not going to want to miss. It takes about 10 minutes to do. We really appreciate your time. Please go to multitude.productions/survey or click the link in the description. One more time, that's multitude.productions/survey.
[theme]
JULIA: Amanda, we're back, and I found out more about Rumple.
AMANDA: Oh, good. So Rumplemintz, aka the bartender's mouthwash has become an under the radar oddball of a handshake shot. Do you know what a handshake shot is?
AMANDA: Like a parting gift as you go.
JULIA: It's usually like if a bartender is serving another bartender and—
AMANDA: Oh, I see.
JULIA: —it's like they're out the door shot.
AMANDA: Got it. Got it.
JULIA: Like, "Oh, you're leaving."
AMANDA: Here you go.
JULIA: "How about we do one more shot before you leave?" Kind of thing.
AMANDA: One for the road.
JULIA: Yeah. So Rumplemintz is now kind of a thing, you know?
AMANDA: Dang.
JULIA: Here's an article from VinePair called ,"When the modern cocktail renaissance kicked off in the early aughts, it came with newfound appreciation for long-ignored liqueurs and amari, many of which since have become common cocktail ingredients. Likewise, some of these bottlings have become bartender's handshake shots." These pours are generally reserved for bitter, polarizing liquids that industry folks serve as a symbol of slightly sadistic, yet genuine camaraderie."
AMANDA: Incredible.
JULIA: So that really does kind of do it for me in terms of describing what Rumple is and tastes like.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
JULIA: So someone also pointed out that Rumplemintz tastes like a shot of mouthwash and then hits you like a truck, so if that's your cup of tea, awesome. If not, relax a little.
AMANDA: Cool. I think I'm good. And as always, you know, if that's your poison, I love that for you. I, myself, will probably just use actual mouthwash when I go to bed and, you know, use it and then spit it out.
JULIA: Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. But what have you been actually drinking lately, Amanda?
AMANDA: I have actually been mostly doing a weed gummy and a seltzer, Julia. That's honestly what I've been doing lately.
JULIA: Nice.
AMANDA: I haven't gotten into the, like, THC or CBD seltzer game.
JULIA: They're also— like, their milligram levels are usually too much for me personally. Like, they'll, like, minimum, have 10 milligrams of THC in that and I—
AMANDA: That's a lot.
JULIA: —said, "That's too much. I'm a small lady."
AMANDA: Yeah. So I like to have, like, a very chill, maybe like a five milligram gummy, is usually the right amount for me.
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: And then, you know, just having more, like, awareness of my body gives me just real pleasure in drinking a plain seltzer. I gotta tell you, I had the pineapple flavor of seltzer from Trader Joe's—
JULIA: Ooh.
AMANDA: —lately at a friend's place, and it was great. So if you like pineapple and want your mouth to tingle, but because of bubbles and not allergy, highly recommend—
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: —the pineapple seltzer from Trader Joe's.
JULIA: I've been really enjoying the polar watermelon lemonade, sparkling waters, or seltzers, or whatever it is, but they're really good. And they have that kind of— I'm a weirdo and I like Lacroix—
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: —because I like the idea of something that isn't too sweet.
AMANDA: Yes.
JULIA: Like, if I go to the store and I buy a seltzer, usually it has too much of that, like, artificial sweetener flavor for me.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: But these polar ones are perfect, because they have, like, the essence of the taste without it being like, "And now my mouth tastes like candy." You know what I mean?
AMANDA: I do. And Trader Joe's also has a dupe of that polar flavor, so I'll have to check that out.
JULIA: It is very good. I miss Trader Joe's. My Trader Joe's is so far away, Amanda.
AMANDA: All right. Well, next time you come over, I'll give you some tomatoes, and you'll have to go to the Trader Joe's.
JULIA: That sounds fair. I love that. All right, Amanda, I have another story for you.
AMANDA: Let's go.
JULIA: This one is from Nyana, any pronouns we want, and Nyana titles his email, "Hey, Mom, Dead Mom, Sorry for the Beetlejuice Musical Reference.
AMANDA: Let's go.
JULIA: "Hi, Amanda and Julia, longtime listener since the infamous, famous TAZ ad read."
JULIA: Wow.
AMANDA: Yes. Wow.
JULIA: A long callback.
AMANDA: The only paid marketing we have ever done for this podcast was buying a Jumbotron on the Adventure Zone.
JULIA: And it worked out pretty well for us, I think.
AMANDA: Some of y'all are still here. Thank you.
JULIA: Hell yeah. "First time writer-inner, I recently listened to your urban legends episode that featured a listener's wedding and thought I should write in about my own spooky wedding happening."
AMANDA: Let's go.
JULIA: "Last year, 2024, my wife Cora and I decided to have what we called a, quote, 'Big Halloween party where a wedding might break out.'"
AMANDA: Yay. Aw.
JULIA: Honestly, if I have one regret, it's not doing a like Halloween-themed wedding, but I also want to make sure the weather was nice, you know?
AMANDA: No. The weather was nice. And also, Halloween is its own celebration for you.
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: So speaking as your friend, I like that you have your Halloween season, you have your wedding and anniversary season, which is coming up. You get to celebrate your birthdays all at different, like you need to spread out the joy, babe.
JULIA: Yeah, you're right. And my anniversary really does kind of kick off spooky season for us, typically.
AMANDA: Yes.
JULIA: So it makes sense, it checks out. Thank you.
AMANDA: It does.
JULIA: Thank you for that validation that I didn't make the wrong decision back in 2019.
AMANDA: No, you're good. By the way, if any of our listeners are involved in the universal Halloween situation, please get in touch.
JULIA: [26:20] situation. Uh-hmm. It'd be nice. It'd be nice. Anyway, "Neither of us had much interest in traditional wedding rights or values. It was important that it felt like a celebration of us and actually felt like us."
AMANDA: So cute.
JULIA: Totally get that. Totally agree. "Some backstory on us, we both come from witch-y backgrounds. I have always been interested in magic and more pagan type things, with a growing interest in root work/African diaspora magics to be more in touch with my blackness and ancestors. My beautiful wife was raised in rural Georgia by her loving single mother and homeschooled by her grandmother, who by the time she was teaching Cora, had made a full turn from strict Southern Baptist to full-on Wiccan High Priestess."
AMANDA: Let's go.
JULIA: That's awesome. What a turn. What a twist.
AMANDA: Hell yes.
JULIA: What a late in life twist.
AMANDA: Oh, can you imagine, Julia, that, like, if we're lucky, there are so many twists ahead of us?
JULIA: I know, I love it.
AMANDA: Hmm.
JULIA: That sounds so beautiful.
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: Isn't life amazing?
AMANDA: It is.
JULIA: "As a priestess in her community, she had presided over many a gay and lesbian wedding. So growing up, my wife got to be a little baby witchlet stomping around in Birkenstocks and accompanying her grandma to the local pagan shop to, as she said, 'look at all the cool rocks they had!""
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: Amazing. So cute.
AMANDA: Huge for rock kids. Especially little rock queers.
JULIA: Truly, I am so glad you two found each other. That's amazing.
AMANDA: Right? Aw.
JULIA: "Unfortunately, Cora's mother had passed away in 2018 to colon cancer. Everyone get colonoscopies sooner than you think."
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: Especially if you have any sort— this is me editorializing. Especially if you have any sort of, like, issues in that regard, in your family at all, like you should be doing it by 30. Talk to your doctor about it, but just saying.
AMANDA: Yeah, folks with boobs, get that mammogram going.
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: We believe in you, and if you need encouragement or support, as you do the terrible executive functions of annoying preventative healthcare, happy to send you gifs and hearts as motivation.
JULIA: Yes, gifs, not gifts. Amanda is not—
AMANDA: Gifs.
JULIA: —sending you guys physical objects.
AMANDA: No, y'all, but I am sending you energetic ones.
JULIA: Moving pictures.
AMANDA: The movies.
JULIA: So they continue, "I never got to meet the woman who was such an important part of my wife's life. All that to say, celebrating Samhain/Halloween as an invitation to spirits when the veil is thin was not a new concept to us. Celebrating our wedding during a spooky time spoke deeply to how closely I view life and death as being the hand in hand partners that they are. Hell, even my wife's grandma, after checking in with us profusely to make sure it was okay, came to our wedding in her Grim Reaper costume, complete with real scythe."
AMANDA: Can you all invite us to your next cookout, anniversary party, Halloween party? Really, any excuse, just— I'm just saying, we're great guests. We're a great time.
JULIA: I am now, like, going back on having some regret that I didn't do a Halloween themed wedding.
AMANDA: Yeah. You know, Julia, maybe for your tenure, we can go ahead and do a Halloween in July/August.
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: Halloween, summertime prelude.
JULIA: Listen, I want to do a little Summer-ween next year. We should do it. We should do it.
AMANDA: Then we could do wear our sexy costumes in the hot time.
JULIA: In the hot time.
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: You know when it's appropriate to have a sexy costume.
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: To continue, "Our ceremony took place on a bright Atlanta, Georgia evening, Golden Hour. We gathered our close friends and family outside around a large bonfire to celebrate our union. We wore matching black corsets. She wore red and I wore West African print. In lieu of the speeches and whatnot you find at most wedding receptions, we decided to have a quaker-style popcorn meeting."
AMANDA: Yes.
JULIA: I love quaker-style popcorn meetings. I love this shit.
AMANDA: Aw.
JULIA: "The basic idea is that we all sit in silence with the fire crackling and nature chirping around us. And if anyone felt moved by god, gods, spirits, or any such thing, they were invited to speak." It's a really like beautiful thing. It's like very community-driven. It's a great like practice to have, and it's one of my favorites, like in terms of religious practices.
AMANDA: So good.
JULIA: "Near the beginning of the ceremony, I noticed one of our guests' eyes got extremely wide, like they'd seen something behind us. Her eyes darted around to the people around us, as if checking whether anyone else was seeing what she was seeing. This guest had been one of my childhood best friends and a fellow witch, whose main job was falconry and all things bird."
AMANDA: Whoa.
JULIA: That's so cool.
AMANDA: How do I become one of your friends? Because this is incredible.
JULIA: This is so fucking cool. Incredible. "I could only glance at her every now and again during the ceremony, because I wanted to focus on whoever had popped up to speak. I was slightly worried, thinking, 'If my witchy-ass friend has seen some kind of ill omen, she needs to tell me right now. Fuck the ceremony.'"
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: "Still, I trusted that she would have said something aloud if there was an issue, social niceties be damned. Being as close as we are, when she moved to stand and speak, she caught my expression and quickly mouthed, 'I'll tell you later,' before launching into her moving words for Cora and I. When I finally got her after the ceremony, she told me, 'I was trying not to freak out, but after you two sat down, a gigantic dark owl swooped down onto a tree branch right behind y'all. She had a full view of everyone around the fire, and she did not move for the entire ceremony. She just sat and watched. I'm pretty sure that was Cora's mom.'"
AMANDA: Yes. Aw. Stop.
JULIA: And I love that it's the bird friend that saw the—
AMANDA: Yes.
JULIA: —sign, too. It's so nice.
AMANDA: And, like, sitting on the branch from your perspective behind the both of you, watching over you. Oh, my God.
JULIA: Oh. "We were so moved to learn that Cora's mom had made an appearance, blessing us with her presence at her daughter's gay-ass wedding."
AMANDA: Aw.
JULIA: "Thanks for reading. Keep doing what y'all are doing, Nyana."
AMANDA: Oh, my God.
JULIA: Nyana, that was incredible. I am so moved. That's so beautiful, and your wedding ceremony sounds absolutely gorgeous. I'm so glad that you had that experience.
AMANDA: I am so glad that your mother-in-law, your owl-in-law, was there.
JULIA: Your owl-in-law.
AMANDA: —to see you off.
JULIA: So nice. I love that.
AMANDA: And no, seriously, Julia and I will come visit.
JULIA: Yeah. Forget bird husband, though. Bird mother-in-law, extremely cool.
AMANDA: Owl mother-in-law, the coolest of all-time.
JULIA: Hell yeah.
AMANDA: Julia, shall I round out this episode with a email here from Kylene? She/her, titled, "Tailypo plus Rejected by aliens?"
JULIA: Yes, I love that, but I do have a little sweet one at the end for us too, when you're done reading that.
AMANDA: Oh, hell yeah. Perfect.
JULIA: Go ahead.
AMANDA: So our penultimate, our second to last.
JULIA: Yes.
AMANDA: Kylene starts her email, "Hello, Spirits. I love the show, and I feel like we're friends who just haven't met me yet. I want to add something to your Tailypo episode."
JULIA: Oh.
AMANDA: "I know that the three dogs in the story had names."
JULIA: Tell me more.
AMANDA: "I know this because when I participated in my first middle school church lock-in, I learned them from other 12-year-old girls."
JULIA: Yes.
AMANDA: "Their names were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego."
JULIA: Okay.
AMANDA: Those are some Appalachian-ass names, y'all.
JULIA: Those are, those are. Damn.
AMANDA: You heard it right from us. Again, before you blame an adult for those, they came directly from other 12-year-old girls.
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: I don't know how, but giving dogs names added a whole another level to the story for me.
JULIA: Yeah, because now you're very sad that those named dogs died. Giving anything a name, you immediately latch onto it more.
AMANDA: It's giving like Christian Old Testament names. You know what I mean?
JULIA: It does give that vibe.
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: It also— it's giving like demons in one book about demonology.
AMANDA: Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. "Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, come here."
JULIA: Now, I want to see if those are things. Hold on. Amanda, you're absolutely right. They are, in fact, biblical names.
AMANDA: Let's go.
JULIA: They are in the Book of Daniel. They're one of the three men that are thrown into a fiery furnace.
AMANDA: I mean, I'm not gonna victim blame here, but certainly, the dog's owner should have thought about that fiery fate before choosing—
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: —those names for the pups.
JULIA: Yeah, that does suck.
AMANDA: That's all I'm gonna say.
JULIA: That's tough. That's tough, buddy.
AMANDA: So Kylene continues, "So apart from that, I have been wanting to write in and couldn't decide about whether to tell you about my ghost aunt or, well, the story I decided to tell. So picture this, you're in the middle of nowhere in Ohio in the early '90s, listening to the local radio station bringing you, quote, the 'Greatest hits of the '60s, '70s, '80s, and today.'"
JULIA: Oh. My favorite is when we just skip, like, three generations worth— oh, except it's the early '90s, so never mind.
AMANDA: When I was working in high school listening to the radio station at the printing shop, it was the '80s, '90s, and today, because it was the early 2000s.
JULIA: I mean, they still say that on the radio, "The '80s, '90s, and today." They haven't updated it to figure out what the aughts, the 10s, and the 20s are.
AMANDA: The aughts, teens, and 2020s, yeah, I don't know.
JULIA: I guess so.
AMANDA: Xennials, write in. I don't know what you call that. "So we're picturing this Ohio early '90s. Your dad is driving the family car down a one lane country road through the absolute darkness of a summer night."
JULIA: Hmm.
AMANDA: It must be overcast, because when you lean your sleepy head against the window pane, all you see is darkness above in the night sky. The only light around is the family car's bright beams illuminating the road while your mom and dad both keep watch for the glint of deer eyes."
JULIA: Hmm. That is a thing you have to do in those situations, for sure.
AMANDA: "On the left is a field of soybeans, and on the right, an almost knee-high field of corn. Just for color here, we'll say that the song on the radio is Achy Breaky Heart or something along those lines."
JULIA: Fun.
AMANDA: "As you feel your eyelids get droopy, there's suddenly absolute silence, not even the rumbling of the car motor can be heard."
JULIA: Uh-oh.
AMANDA: "At the same time, the car is engulfed with an overwhelmingly bright light."
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "Your dad swears in surprise, but is mostly focused on keeping the car on the road. Your mother, once concerned with deer, starts to look up. She sees only light, and your dad keeps driving. The whole car just kind of frozen in high alert."
JULIA: Uh-oh.
AMANDA: "You, your mom and your older brother all look around, searching for what the heck the source of this light is."
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "As the minutes go on and the minutes are going on, you start to theorize, is it a helicopter? But helicopter doesn't make sense, because you're miles and miles from any civilization."
JULIA: And you'd hear it.
AMANDA: "Is it a combine? But why would anyone be out at close to midnight, even outside of harvest season?"
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: "Neither would make sense, because the light is from above, following us. We're still driving, and all sound has cut out, except us talking in the car. Then just as suddenly as it appeared, the light goes away, and all sound returns. All of a sudden, it filters back, the engine noises, the country sounds, and our voices there all along. Now, this specific moment in time has been discussed by my family, but to be honest, none of us really want to dive into what that light could have been."
JULIA: Team Ignorant all the way.
AMANDA: I think that's fair. I like to think it was aliens that were surprised by the lonely vehicle traveling on the dark road, observed us for a few minutes, and then moped right on out of there.
JULIA: Good— listen, Ohio's got military bases. Could have been a drone.
AMANDA: In the early '90s?
JULIA: Could have been a drone before we knew what drones were.
AMANDA: In the early '90s?
JULIA: Yeah.
AMANDA: But they would have heard a helicopter.
JULIA: No, the drone, Amanda. It was a drone. It was silent.
AMANDA: I don't know. Well, this reminded me, Julia, of so many urban legends that we've talked about. So Kylene, thank you for writing in. And she finishes, "Keep up the fantastic work. Heart, Kylene."
JULIA: Incredible. Well, Amanda, I wanted to finish this out with this story because we recently did an episode about household spirits. And I found this one in the inbox, and I said, "Ooh, well, we gotta talk about this."
AMANDA: Let's go.
JULIA: This is from Robyn, they/them, titled, "I think we have a house brownie."
AMANDA: Cute.
JULIA: "My spouse and I were lucky enough to purchase a newly built home back in 2019. Not long after we moved in, however, we began to notice strange occurrences. Totally at random, my spouse would hear me call for him, sometimes even scream in terror, only to come rushing to my side and discover that I'm perfectly fine and never called him."
AMANDA: He's like, "Honey, what the hell?"
JULIA: "I heard you scream in terror. What do you mean you're fine?"
AMANDA: Oh, my God.
JULIA: "In my experience, I would sometimes feel like someone was watching me when I was all alone, or items would be in places where I swear I didn't originally put them. Or I would suddenly feel like I was being urged to go elsewhere, usually to check in on my spouse. This happened off and on for a number of years, and pretty early on, we decided we must have a ghost. Only that didn't make much sense, because this was a brand-new house built in a brand-new neighborhood. Why would a ghost be here of all places?" I mean, okay, to be fair, just because it's a brand-new house and just because it's a, quote-unquote, "brand-new neighborhood" does not mean that there can't be ghosts. Have you seen the movie Poltergeist, Robyn?
AMANDA: So true.
JULIA: Robyn.
AMANDA: Robyn.
JULIA: You gotta—
AMANDA: Study up.
JULIA: You gotta know.
AMANDA: Study up, Robyn.
JULIA: Study up, Robyn. Just— new build does not mean no ghost. That's all I'm saying. "My first explanation was that the ghost was just stopping by because it liked the vibes of our home. But as the incidents became stranger and my spouse started hearing someone else entirely calling his name, I thought the ghost might be more malicious in nature. But that still didn't make much sense, because again, brand-new home in an area that used to be woods. Why would there be a ghost here?" Again, could have been like, you know, person killed in the woods, buried out there, never got their justice or anything like that. I'm also like— there are two parts of my brain, Amanda.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: There is the person that loves spooky shit.
AMANDA: Yeah.
JULIA: And there is the rational part of my brain. And my rational part of my brain is like, "Carbon monoxide leak [41:34]"
AMANDA: New construction, it could be shoddy, yeah.
JULIA: Yeah. Like, you never know with new builds.
AMANDA: No.
JULIA: You know?
AMANDA: Never know.
JULIA: Never know.
AMANDA: Never know.
JULIA: "The answer finally arrived in the summer of this year." This was sent in 2024.
AMANDA: Still, five years, that's a long mystery.
JULIA: That's a long time. "The strange incidences started to include items outright disappearing, and it was that, that tipped me off to what our unknown house guest might actually be. I brought up house spirits, specifically brownies, who live in your home and help with the daily chores. I believed that since we had been in this house for five years without acknowledging our helpful spirit, that was why it harassed us in such specific ways."
AMANDA: True.
JULIA: "My spouse quite liked the idea, as it made more sense than a ghost. So we began to discuss what we could do to please the brownie. Traditionally, you're supposed to leave out a bowl of milk or cream. However, we use milk for so much and groceries are expensive, so we had to figure out an alternative. The alternative that we came up with was incense."
AMANDA: Hmm.
JULIA: Again, also would work well if it was a ghost, but you know, either way. Great.
AMANDA: Nice.
JULIA: "My spouse went out and bought a variety of smells. And from then on, we began to thank the brownie by lighting a stick, saying, 'Thank you for your help around the house,' and then clapping to extinguish the flame. Ever since we began this ritual, items stopped disappearing, the floors got cleaner, and my spouse hasn't heard someone calling his name or screaming for months." It's so bad that there's also screaming.
AMANDA: It's so bad.
JULIA: It's one thing if someone's like, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda." But it was just like, "Ahhhhh!"
AMANDA: "Ahhhh!" Yeah, I would— that'd be bad. That'd be bad.
JULIA: I don't know. Robyn continues with, "Perhaps we do actually have a ghost or some other kind of spirit that doesn't actually help around the house, but I like to believe that we have a special friend living with us who cares for this home just as much as we do." Which, like, you know, totally fair. Could be the fact that there's a ghost, but now that you're paying attention to your brownie, the brownie's like, "Nah, nah, nah, ghost, get out of here."
AMANDA: Uh-hmm. Brownie's like, "Look who's favored, it's not you. Get out."
JULIA: Exactly. "Thanks for all the years with Spirits Podcast. Your weekly uploads have provided me with a lot of motivation and inspiration I need to write my first novel."
AMANDA: Aw.
JULIA: "I hope one day I can send the published book y'all's way.
AMANDA: Yes!
JULIA: I want that very much, Robyn.
AMANDA: I want that so much.
JULIA: "Much love, Robyn."
AMANDA: Oh, Robyn, great job to you and your spouse. Excellent job to make friends with the spirit, to come to a good understanding, and, you know, all move forward together.
JULIA: Exactly, exactly. I think that, you know, even if it isn't a brownie, you have appropriately given the spirit the, I guess, attention or appreciation that it feels like it deserved.
AMANDA: Uh-hmm.
JULIA: And I'm so glad your spouse is no longer being like, "Hey—
AMANDA: "Babe."
JULIA: "—was that you screaming or was it the ghost?"
AMANDA: Neither a great option, to be honest with you, Julia.
JULIA: No. And if you don't already have a carbon monoxide detector in your house, Robyn—
AMANDA: Yep.
JULIA: —can you please, like, make sure you do?
AMANDA: Okay, Julia. So here's our homework for everybody on this episode, ready?
JULIA: Carbon monoxide detector.
AMANDA: Colonoscopy if you're over 30.
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: Mammogram, just start asking your gynecologist when you're over 30, is my recommendation.
JULIA: Uh-hmm.
AMANDA: And, you know, just go ahead and, like, put out a bowl of something or a little bit of incense every now and again, if you're having some trouble. Let that be your first line of defense.
JULIA: Yes. And if you hear screaming in your household, that should be cause for concern, I would say.
AMANDA: It should be.
JULIA: I think there is something that should or can be done, if you do hear screaming in your household that is inexplicable.
AMANDA: Somewhere in between nothing and, "Help, officer, the peanut butter fell." I think there is a lot of room for incense and offerings. And I believe in us and our ability as a community, Julia, to deal with this outside the carceral system.
JULIA: Yeah, I agree. I agree with that fact, Amanda.
AMANDA: So, folks, overall, finally, and as always, remember—
JULIA: Stay creepy.
AMANDA: —stay cool.
JULIA: Later, satyrs. I forgot about the peanut butter.
[theme]