This episode is coming at you straight from our live show at the Listen Up Festival in Portland, OR. We shared some of our favorite listener-submitted hometown urban legends to a sold-out audience in the basement bar of the Hoxton hotel. Featuring a liminal fae town where time doesn’t exist, creepy haunted buildings of Napa Valley, and Eric attempting to defend his childhood sleepwalking.
Julia recommends Unwell this week - a Midwestern gothic audio fiction podcast.
- Skillshare is an online learning community where you can learn—and teach—just about anything. Visit skillshare.com/spirits2 to get two months of Skillshare Premium for free! This week we recommend Amanda’s new class, “Podcast Marketing: How to Grow Your Audience with a Marketing Plan, Social Media & Metadata Tips.”
- EveryPlate is a meal plan subscription service that sends easy-to-cook meals right to your door. Go to everyplate.com and use code SPIRITS6 for six free meals and a week of free shipping.
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Amanda: Welcome to Spirits Podcast, a boozy dive into mythology, legends, and folklore. Every week we pour a drink and learn about a new story from around the world.
Julia: And I'm Julia.
Amanda: And this is episode 118. Your Urban Legends part 19; I really had to read those Roman numerals. I have a concussion. It's hard.
We're here, live form listen-up festival, 2019, in Portland!
Julia: Yeah, I am so excited for this episode. It was such an absolute blast to do the show live, we sold out this really cool basement speak-easy, and it was such a good vibe.
Amanda: Of a creepy basement of like, a formerly creepy building that's now a very classy hotel; it was awesome.
Julia: It was just such a cool vibe, and I'm so glad that we can share it with y'all!
Amanda: Yeah, it was so fun, we had the best time ever at listen-up. It's the first year that they're doing this in Portland, and if they do it next year, people it is worth doing. It was so well-run, it was so fun, the city was beautiful, we ate so much food...
Julia: We did. So much food, so many drinks!
Amanda: And should we be able to meet them at the next listen-up festival, we would totally toast to our newest patrons: Sarah, Amy, Celia, and Nichole, who joined the distinguished ranks of our supporting level producers: Philip, Julie, Eeyore, Christopher, Kathy, Vinny, Danica, Marissa, Sammy, Josie, Neal, Jessica, Phil Fresh, and Deborah.
Julia: We think that if you were to become ghosts, you would haunt a cool basement speak-easy where they do podcast shows.
Amanda: Honestly, the dream. And thank you, as always, to our legend level patrons whose support, like all of our patrons, sustains us and makes the show possible: James, Aila, Jess, Sarah, Sandra, Audra, Mercedes, Jack Marie, and Leanne.
Julia: Y'all are wonderful human beings, and we want to open a hotel bar just so we can name cocktails after you.
Amanda: Aw, Julia, that's very sweet.
Julia: I do my best.
Amanda: Tell me what you've been listening to. What's going on, what's your recommendation?
Julia: My recommendation this week is Unwell, which is a new audio-fiction podcast, it is a Midwestern gothic mystery, it's all about conspiracies, ghosts, and unusual families of blood and choice, and it's by our friends at HartLife NFP. You might have heard me recommend "Our Fair City" before, or you might remember Geoffrey from the episode that they did about their college ghost stories. It is incredibLe, it is that good, creepy, small-town vibe that I feel like our listeners would be 100% into. And hella queer.
So if you are into audio fiction, you're gonna love "Unwell." If you haven't tried and audio drama, or a fictional podcast yet, this is a great one to start. So just put "Unwell" into your podcast player, and subscribe today.
Amanda: Mm-hmm (affirmative). We would like to thank our two sponsors this week: Skillshare, as always Skillshare.com/spirits2 will get you two free months of Skillshare premium, and there's a very special announcement coming in our mid role, so stay tuned.
And EveryPlate. Everyplate.com, using the code spirits6 will get you six free meals in this meal delivery service, and one week of free shipping.
Julia: It is wonderful. We'll tell you about our experience with EveryPlate in the mid role.
Amanda: So in addition to our cool Skillshare-related announcement, we also have posted the audio from our pod-con workshops on our website! So go to multitude.productions and click on that resources tab, and there you can listen to our DIY sponsorships panel, and Mo' Pre-Po, Less Problems.
Julia: My favorite panel of all time!
Amanda: It was super fun.
Julia: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda: Finally, we wanted to let you know that there is the occasional, like rumble or buzz in the recording. This felt like a haunting, as it was happening. In fact, it was the train going by. So, just so you're aware, that's going on. The audio is still good, and we were not being haunted.
Julia: The hotel assured us it wasn't ghosts, but do we really believe them? Do we? Do we?
It's a little haunted.
Amanda: I think you'll have to find out for yourself.
Here, in Spirits Podcast 118, Your Urban Legends, live from listen-up festival.
Let me be the first to welcome you to the Hauxton, for Listen Up Portland...
Amanda: ...and Spirits live!
Come on in!
Julia: Come hang out!
Yeah, just watch, there's a little bit of wire.
Amanda: Well, I'm Amanda, hello.
Julia: I'm Julia.
Eric: And I'm Eric.
Amanda: This is very weird.
And we are here to share with you, in this wonderful, spooky basement speak-easy, a bunch of urban legends. So this is our listener urban legends special.
Julia: Yes, would we like to go around and say what we're drinking?
Amanda: Oh, yes absolutely.
I am drinking a delicious espresso cocktail, supposed to come with vodka, but it's instead with whiskey, which is my jam.
Julia: That is very you.
Amanda: Very good.
Julia: I really appreciate it.
Eric: I'm having, I think it was a Breakneck IPI?
Julia: Yeah? That's it, right?
Eric: Is that right?
Amanda: Sounds right.
Julia: I'm having a thing called, Hey Can I Steal You Away? (laughs)
Which is very good. I don't know if it's the exact recipe that's on the menu, 'cause they were like "I don't know if we have St. Germane." I'm just like "As long as it is herbal and delicious, I will take it."
Amanda: It's true.
Amanda: Well, I am really excited about the email I have, but I know everybody else is. SO mine is medium length. Anyone want to go with, like an appetizer?
Eric: I have an appetizer.
Amanda: Oh, please.
Julia: I was going to say, I think mine's medium length too.
Eric: I have an appetizer that is about...
Julia: You've gotta ease in.
Eric: ...me. This listener email is about me. Which is honestly...
Amanda: Starting off strong.
Eric: It was more defense of me than about me; that would've been creepy, like "I know a story about you." Like, oh no!
Julia: I think that would be our brand for the show, for sure.
Eric: This email is titled "In Defense of Eric's Childhood." Because I recently told Amanda and Julia that I was sleepwalking... Meant me and both of my sister-
Julia: You were sleepwalking children.
Eric: ...We used to sleepwalk, and then when we moved into the house we grew up the later half of our lives, we all stopped sleepwalking immediately.
Julia: That is so-
Eric: And they found that to be very creepy, and I was just like-
Julia: That is so wrong in so many ways.
Eric: That's just like, a thing.
Amanda: I hate it. I hate it.
Eric: I mean, I don't know. I don't know.
Amanda: The font on your phone is so small, it makes me upset.
Eric: Yes, I have large eyes and great vision.
Julia: (laughs) I don't.
Eric: My cousin who's an optimologist keeps telling me I need to go see him, but I can see very far away, so I feel like I'm fine.
Eric: But he's like "your eyes might dry out, and you'll die!" And I was like, I don't think that's a thing.
Julia: (laughing) What?
Eric: Yeah, let me tell you something. He will scare you about eye stuff. This is not the show, this is a different kind of spooky. But like, you should actually see your eye doctor, even if you have good vision, I guess? He's like, yeah bad things can happen. But okay, cool.
Amanda: Maybe he's trying to drum up business, maybe that's what's happening.
Eric: Yeah, I guess.
Julia: Amongst your family members, right.
Eric: Yeah, I mean he hasn't done it for me. But anyways, here we go.
In defense of Eric's childhood. "I've been meaning to send you but haven't got around to it. I just wanted to defend Eric's sleep walking..." Thank you very much. "...Because, in my personal experience, sleepwalking/talking can be hilarious" Here we go.
Amanda: Prove me wrong. AMA
Eric: "I'm the oldest of five children, and for a period of a couple years when my middle brother was maybe, like, eight or 10-ish, he would sleepwalk pretty regularly. At the time, I shared a bedroom with him and my youngest brother, so naturally we were all awake, and notice him sleepwalking. We would follow him because, why not?"
Amanda: (laughing) I don't know how I feel about the fact that you're saying "Naturally, we were all awake while he was sleepwalking"!
Eric: I mean maybe it's like the middle one, and there was like the two older ones, and they were like playing gameboy, you know.
Julia: I guess.
And under the covers, reading comic books.
Eric: Although like, our demo skews young, so they were probably playing like, a DS.
Eric: They probably had a 3DS, come on.
Julia: That's very judgemental of the 3DS.
Eric: It is, but I hate it when someone's like, "oh yeah, I grew up with the 3DS." I was like, cool, I grew up with like, an abakis.
We got excited when the color came out.
Eric: Yeah, I got a Game Boy pocket that was clear, it was amazing.
Eric: I also had a Nintendo power once, it was awesome.
Unrelated kind of, but you know, why not?
"He never did anything creepy, but he would pretty consistently sleepwalk into the basement bathroom of my parent's house, drop his pajamas to his ankles, and pee in the cat litter box."
So my most famous sleepwalking experience is I slept walked down the stairs, which was, probably 20 stairs down.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: That's impressive.
Eric: ...And just went to bed on the couch down there.
Julia: Of course, for you.
Eric: But I never peed on anything, so I was like, oh yeah, this kid is going to do what I did. Did not. Did much more.
"Also, my girlfriend says that she sleepwalks, and while I've never witnessed it, she does sleep-talk all the time."
Which my girlfriend has also recently done, particularly after she had back surgery...
Julia: Oh no!
Eric: She doesn't like sleep-talk, but occasionally, she'll say like, three words, and then-
Amanda: That's very scary.
Eric: ...But it's not like the creepiest. I was like, "how you doin'?"
Amanda: I think it really depends on the words.
Eric: Yeah, it very much depends on the words
Julia: It's either "how you doin'?" Or it's "kill them all!"
Eric: Yeah, it's never-
Julia: There's not in between.
Eric: It's never been kill them all, but it is very weird that it started after a very particular thing. Like, it never happened-
Amanda: Maybe it was anesthesia, maybe something changed? I don't knoW?
Eric: You've woken her.
Amanda: Oh no.
There's some horror movies about that, I'm sure.
Eric: Let's not dive into whether or not my girlfriend is being haunted by a ghost, let's not do that.
Okay, and... "she sleep talks all the time. The first time it happened, when she was staying at my place and she was talking frantically under her breath-" That's not good.
Eric: You don't want a fast sleep-talker. You want like a few mumbled words, or like it sounds like a drunk person. You don't want, like *mumbles*.
Amanda: You don't want the wizard state from "Hello from the Bed & Tavern" is what you're saying.
Eric: No, exactly.
Amanda: That's a deep cut, I'm sorry.
Eric: "I didn't realize she was asleep, and I was like, "What?""
That is what you want to do. You always want to try to goad them into saying a few more things, you're like, "If I play this right, they will say something very funny."
Julia: How conscious is this person who is sleeping?
Eric: And most of the time, it doesn't happen, but every so often you get a real gem. Like what we're about to hear.
This podcast is about to become rated R.
"And she responded by loudly declaring "Turkey Basters are not for sperm injectors!...""
Hey! I mean-
Amanda: They're not.
"...before beginning to snore. Mostly she recites recipes while she sleeps-"
Julia: That's very specific.
Eric: This is something my girlfriend would do.
Amanda: That's so chaotic good. I love it.
Eric: "...as if she's dreaming about being on a cooking show. Example: "If you want to make the best pierogies, then you gotta..."" Now There's a dot dot dot after it, and I need to know.
Julia: I need to know how to make the best Pierogies!
Eric: I'm very Ukrainian, and the only way that I can get good pierogies is in a church basement. Because that's how we do it in Cleveland.
Julia: That's such a deep Ohio.
Maybe that's how the sentence ended, is to like, go to a church basement, and that's how you get good pierogies.
Eric: I guess. That is true, that is true. If you're ever in Northeast Ohio, you have to find a Ukrainian church, you knock on a door, you go into a basement, there's an old Ukrainian ladies, you'll open a door-
Julia: And there will be pierogies.
Eric: And there are pierogies behind it.
Julia: It will be like King Tut's tomb.
Eric: That's just accurate, and I told this to people when I went to school my freshman year, far away from Northeast Ohio, and I was telling it like a very normal thing, because that's how we all grew up. They were like, what are you doing?
Amanda: Is this like the thing where you're like, every time I fly, I see a priest?
Eric: Yeah. That is also true. I didn't see a priest on either of my flights here, so-
Julia: The curse has ended.
Eric: Very turbulent landing into Denver, so...
Not Catholic, but they really seem to make flights better.
"Generally, if she starts sleep-talking, and I'm still up reading, gaming, or whatevs,..."
You shouldn't be gaming in your bed.
Amanda: We just talked about playing gameboy in bed.
Eric: Yeah, but we were kids so it wasn't important. It was acceptable.
Eric: It was important, it was not acceptable.
"...or whatever, I'll talk back to her because it's fun. The closest thing she's gone into being creepy was few weeks ago..."
Yes, bury the leads so deep-
Julia: Just the last three sentences of the email.
Eric: Here's the final creepy part.
"...A few weeks ago, when she was mumbling and I asked her what she was saying, she started chanting weird, guttural gibberish..."
Eric: This is where the email gets very good, because this is excellent.
"...reminiscent of Goa'uld language from StarGate."
Eric: Hell yeah! You giant nerd!
Amanda: That is a giant...
Eric: You giant nerd, Spencer.
I just realized I hadn't said the person's name yet, so that was a shout-out to Spencer.
Amanda: Thanks, Spencer.
Eric: "...But sporadically mixing in weird, random English words like duck and gutney."
So I don't know what was going on in there.
Julia: I guess you need to sacrifice the duck? I don't know.
Eric: Very strange.
Amanda: Oh that's very good. Thank you Spencer for your email.
Julia: I thought Spencer was a member of the audience that you recognized for a second, and I was like-
Amanda: I know, I was like, wow, I didn't know you recognized Spencer.
Eric: No, is Spencer here. Is Spencer here.
Amanda: Well, I have an email.
So what I did, knowing that we were coming to Portland, is I searched in our inbox through hundreds of wonderful listener emails for "creep forest" in quotation marks.
Amanda: And this is what I found.
Because I wanted to find something really, really relevant to this lovely forested land.
Eric: How many other ones did you have to find?
Amanda: There were about 25 emails.
Eric: That sounds about right.
Julia: That's right.
Eric: That sounds about right.
Amanda: It was great.
But this one is from Luchia, whose email is titled "Local Suburbs may be a Glitch in the Time Space Continuum?"
Julia: Honestly, the subject line that we get for Spirits is very, very good.
Amanda: I know.
So, Luchia says: "What's up, fellow gaymers?"
Gay with a y. (laughs)
"It's yo boy, Luchia. A little witchy lesbian from the lovely post-communist country of Slovakia. Serving up some spooky, urban, Slavic realness."
Eric: Probably great pierogies there.
Amanda: This is true.
Eric: Wait, you guys have pierogies in Portland, right? That's like... Okay.
Amanda: Cool cool cool cool cool.
Eric: Cause in Missouri, they didn't have them. So that was also part of the confusion, they were like "what is this food you're all so trying to get from churches?"
Julia: I always forget you went to a Christian college in Missouri.
Eric: Yeah, it was also a weird food, and a weird way to get it. SO they were doubly confused.
Amanda: They was like "I don't know what any of those words mean."
Okay, so Luchia says: "I was born, and spent basically my whole life in the state's capitol. And I would say that I have a pretty good relationship with the city. I respect and cherish it, and in exchange it protects me. We're pretty chill. However, there is one city park that I am absolutely terrified of, and avoid as much as I am able to. I want to tell you why."
Julia: Oh no!
Amanda: That's distracting.
Julia: The eyebrows made it.
"The district is called Raca, and it's on the western edge of town. Its beige apartment blocks and squat houses slowly dispersing into vineyards and woodlands. It's primarily a residential area, with a couple shops, offices, primary and high schools peppered in for variety. It is quite off-hand, however, and I never really had a reason to go there. So most of my life was content without the knowledge of what kind of Eldred's fuckery was going on there."
Julia: You picked the most eloquent one that we could possibly do of this show.
Amanda: I don't have to do any work, I just have to read it. It's great.
Eric: That's such a specific kind of fuckery, to. It's Eldred's, or like oh no, that's the bad stuff.
Amanda: Yeah. That one's the bad one.
"So this changed when I attended a debate tournament in one of the afore mentioned high schools. It was early February. By the time the debate ended, and I bolted out, my mother was supposed to pick me up early in front of the school since it was dark. SO I'm standing there and waiting; there were only a couple of flickering lamps, and the light from inside the school, and no one anywhere in sight."
Julia: No, no, no...
Amanda: "Five minutes pass, then 10. 15, and my mother is no where to be seen."
Julia: It's too many minutes now.
Amanda: "Her being late, or forgetting to pick me up, wouldn't be anything unusual, and I would only be mildly panicked if she didn't call me asking where was I, that she was standing right in front of the school."
That didn't sound right.
Eric: Hey, hey, no.
Amanda: Is it not good?
Eric: This is bad. Not good.
Amanda: "So I checked, the building looked the same, the name of the school, and even the address was the same. I was standing under the same tree that she said she was standing under on the school's lawn."
Amanda: "At that point, my mom was getting angry, and I was moving from a state of panic into a state of big panic."
"As I started to hyperv-"
Eric: Now we said the TMTM, so does that mean it's ours, or do they own it? Like, how does trademark work?
Julia: (laughing) How does trademark work?
Amanda: It's fair use.
Julia: Okay, cool cool cool.
Eric: It's fair use, we can all use that now.
Amanda: 'Cause we can monetize on our podcast, yeah.
"As I started to hyperventilate on the phone, she realized that I wasn't nearly trolling, and calmed both of us down to the point where we agreed to just forget this confusion and meet on the tram station on the main road downhill from the school. I scraped up the remains of my mental stability and wits, and started walking in a general direction. I basically took a straight path through peoples' front yards and driveways, until I found myself in a park just above the road. I clearly remember walking between the leafless trees with only darkness behind me..."
Julia: Eric seems very nervous right now. (laughs)
Amanda: (laughing) It's okay, buddy. Hug a pillow.
Eric: Not good.
Amanda: You're gonna be okay. Alright.
So "...darkness behind me, and the unnatural yellow light of the road in my eyes. When the shape of a huge cross statue, like twice my height, emerged between the elms."
Julia: You know, a random crucifix is probably never a good thing. (laughs)
Just in general.
Amanda: I guess it depends on your view of crucifix.
Julia: It really does.
Amanda: "So at that moment, my last two brain cells that had been running in circles, screaming, did a productive thing, and supplied a scrap of my old school Slavic lore knowledge, that basically just said "cross good, cross protect.""
Amanda: "So I started whispering the Lord's Prayer, which I didn't know I remembered, and passed underneath it, emerging from the park and right to my mother's car. After some screaming at her, on her part, we compared our experience and basically gathered, that a. we were at the same location, and b. there was no way we could have missed each other. And my dudes, I was terrified, and set on never going back to Raca."
Julia: See, this seems like a supernatural Shakespeare comedy of errors!
And then they get married!
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, except it's the mom.
Julia: Maybe not.
Eric: The greatest comedy of all times. Marrying your mom.
Julia: You know, Oedipus. (laughs)
Amanda: "Well, I'm sorry to tell that then the universe decided to lean really close to my face, and gently whisper: "Fuck you.""
Amanda: "My school was supposed to have a two-day, end of the school year hiking trip in the Carpathian mountains."
Julia: Already a terrible idea.
Amanda: How about you don't.
Julia: Don't ever go on a hiking trip with your school.
Amanda: Hey, Alaska, and all of your like, "let's go boating on our own to an abandoned island" trips, please don't.
Julia: It's like, hey you want to like, learn to survive in the woods? No I don't, I live on my island.
Amanda: In an early urban legends episode, people were like, oh yeah, in Alaska you did your weekend survival trip.
Julia: Yeah, the outer spirits that would drown people. I remember this one.
Amanda: Yeah, Mm-hmm (affirmative). It was bad.
"Taking the trip would have been totally cool with me, if the date of the first evening hike wasn't also the date of the biggest summer storm of last year. After two hours of walking uphill in a rainstorm, against 15 centimeter-tall stream of water, our teachers decided that this was too much, even for our school's standards."
Julia: Hey, maybe reschedule. I don't know.
Amanda: "Well, the unofficial motto of the school is: An experience doesn't have to be good, in order to be strong."
Julia: Oh no!
Eric: I mean, strong, agree, but also there's a limit to all things.
Julia: But also they're children. These are children.
Amanda: I am not from a Slavic country, but that sounds very Slavic to me. (laughs)
"So the teachers decided that we should head back to Bratislava. The problem was that the bus that got us into the small village from where we started had already went back to the city, and no method of public transport would pick us up at 6:00pm basically in the middle of nowhere."
Amanda: "So our school did what it does best: improvised. They gathered transport for 60-something kids with the combination of teachers' cars and taxis. In the chaos that ensued when getting into the car, me and..."
Eric: Hold on, I just wanna, real quick. They said teachers, cars, and taxis.
Amanda: Teachers' possessive. Like teachers' cars.
Eric: Alright, because I was like... (laughs)
Amanda: Is that not what I said?
Eric: It is what you said, but it sounded like three things, so I imagined like, one student getting a piggy-back ride (laughing) on one teacher, and them some cars, and also the third thing.
Amanda: I will say, piggy-backing them down the mountain... yeah.
Eric: I know that that's not what it was... Exactly. I know that's not what it was, but I didn't want to like, present the image.
Julia: Tough crowd, man. Tough crowd.
I will say that we did an excellent tour with Listen Up Portland yesterday, courtesy of the festival. We met at a coffee shop, and they were like "hey, we're going to call Ubers for all the people here. It's going to take you to a weird, empty parking lot, don't worry about that." I'm like, if this is the consequence where we get murdered in a parking lot, it's been a great ride so far, so lets just do it.
Amanda: We'll take it.
Julia: We ended up at a brewery, it was great.
Amanda: It was wonderful.
So, Luchia and Rai, their friend, did not have such similar experience. So they got into a taxi on their own, and were shipped off to, drum roll, a tram stop at the very edge of Raca.
Julia: Uh oh.
Amanda: So, where they said they wouldn't return.
Eric: That's where the story's starting!
Julia: Oh it's all circular, yo! It's like the witch's hat coming up the peak.
Amanda: Okay, thank you English major.
Amanda: You got me. A couple people in the audience understand.
"So we're standing there, soaking wet, mud covered teenagers, on an empty tram stop on the edge of an actual time-space hell scape, watching as the rest of our classmates pass in the cars going straight back to our dorms. Yay."
Julia: Wait, I'm sorry. Why did the taxi not take them to the dorms?
Amanda: Great question, Julia.
Amanda: "It stopped raining just that moment, as of course it did."
Amanda: "And just as I'm about to run off into the fields, becoming a local cryptid, a tram stopped in front of us."
I would not board that tram.
Julia: No! For a million dollars!
Amanda: That is a fake tram, that is a ghost train!
Julia: Don't do it.
Amanda: That's like that Mia saki movie, with the train going to the lands... No. Would not do it.
Julia: Or the Hey, Arnold episode with the ghost train.
Amanda: It's true.
Julia: Thank you, that one person that laughed.
Amanda: So, they boarded the tram.
"And Rai, who's pretty sensitive to supernatural shit, immediately knew something was not right."
Julia: I love how all of our listeners have that one friend who is clearly a medium. (laughs)
Amanda: That's the friend that should be listening to Spirits, that's what I'm saying!
"I knew too, because of the two or three people that were sitting inside, even though this was the first stop on which the tram started from the docks."
Julia: Incorrect, don't do that.
Amanda: "But, that can still be explained, and the tram still beats having to walk for an hour through the liminal space that Raca is. The second thing I noticed was something that was very wrong on the information system of the tram. The only more or less reliable part of Slavic public transport are the screens and voice recordings announcing the next stop. But neither of those was in this tram."
Julia: Uh oh.
Amanda: "At that point, I was willing to accept anything, though, if I got to the warmth of our dorm."
Julia: Don't. Don't just accept anything. Logical steps, please!
Amanda: "I don't exactly remember in what order we observed the things that were very, very wrong about Raca as we passed through it on the tram, but here's a brief list."
Eric: Give us like, a hard number. Like number one, number two, number...
Amanda: Okay. Number one. I went to count all the bullets, and I was like, you just have to start with the first one, girl. (laughs)
Julia: (laughing) That's how numbers work.
Amanda: Number one. As I said, killing it.
"All of the people on the streets were walking in the same tempo with the same length of stride."
Julia: Oh Jesus! No!
Eric: That guy really hated it. His arms spread like an eagle soaring, just in horror! Just in horror!
Julia: TO fly away out of this basement.
Amanda: Okay, number two. Killing it still with the numbers.
"The flags and banners on different businesses were moving as if in strong wind, but not a single leaf was moving on the trees."
Julia: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Amanda: It's like the Moon Truthers.
There's a pole holding up the flag.
Amanda: Number three.
"The tram stopped on around five stops that don't exist, according to our public transport official sources."
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: So this seems like a rogue tram operation situation.
Eric: (laughing) It's like pirate radio, for public transportation. Which honestly, more cities need. Like, more cities just need to be like, well you know what? I'm just gonna buy a bus and just start driving around, and like We'll figure it out.
Julia: That is not true at all, please do not ever do that.
Amanda: That is like-
Eric: Some cities have, like if there was a rogue bus operation in Cleveland, it would make everything better. Make everything so much better!
Julia: Honestly, anything would make everything better in Cleveland.
Amanda: Maybe you found your-
Eric: Okay, there is a limit, Julia.
Amanda: You're over it!
Eric: Way past it.
Julia: Oh no, I'm so sorry.
Amanda: Number four.
"The position of the sun against our tram didn't change the whole time we were in Raca, but as soon as we left, the position changed drastically."
Eric: Wait, the position of the tram? What?
Amanda: Of the sun. So like, the shadows...
Eric: The sun, okay.
Julia: So maybe you got out of Raca, the sun went whoosh!
Julia: Oh Jesus.
Amanda: Like you had been stuck in time, and then it fast forwarded.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: Like that episode of the X-files.
Amanda: Yes, exactly.
And then number five.
"A bald man with his back to me entered the tram on one of the stops, and sat in front of us. The same man stepped into the tram on the next stop, and sat down on the same, now empty seat where he sat before."
Julia: What the fuck!
With his back turned to you, facing you, how does that work? No? Just no.
Amanda: I'm picturing... Oh, no. I don't even want to share it, it's very creepy.
Eric: Oh, you gotta share it. You gotta share it.
I've got something less creepy, but funny afterwards, so we'll immediately diffuse it.
Julia: Is it one of your favorite ghosts, but the feet are backwards?
Julia: Okay, I don't know. Don't bring that into my house!
Eric: Like that Three Stooges episode.
Amanda: Okay, what I am picturing is that painting of the man with the bowler hat, and just a green apple for a face.
Julia: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Eric: One time, on public transportation in Cleveland, there was a guy with a bald head, and he had two tattooed eyes on the back of his head. (laughs)
Julia: Wow, that's fucked up.
Eric: So I'm like, that's just... But he also had started to grow his hair back out, so at first I was like, is there...? What?
What's going on over there?
Julia: Listen, I don't want to dunk on Cleveland more, but you're making it easy.
Eric: Yeah, like New Yorkers over there, a wild thing happening on public transportation. I saw two weird things on public transportation, including taking it for three years, so... whatever.
Amanda: Well, Luchia survived there trip to Raca.
Julia: That's good.
Amanda: And, resolved never to go there again, "not even when my friends went there for a wine harvest festival-" And that's really testing your resolve... "And not even when a debate tournament was held there. And I like winning."
Julia: Fair. Same.
Amanda: "But there's an interesting afterthought to this story. I was looking for possible explanations in the local lore, and while I found no other information on why the fuck there is a time and space continuum error in the city, I found a legend with a couple similarities. The gist is, in the general area of current Raca and New Town, there used to be a German settlement called Zehlendorf, which literally means the village of ghosts, just fuck me up." I guess.
Julia: Oh my God.
Eric: Hey, why name your thing that? Why?
Julia: What up?
Eric: Instead of naming your thing that, name it anything else.
Julia: Just anything else.
Eric: You don't have to name it "city of ghosts."
Amanda: (laughs) That sounds like a fourth video game in a series.
Eric: Like, in Lord of the Rings, there's a place where all the dragons are from, and they're like it's bad, but now no one lives there. Then you can name it "City of where there used to be Dragons."
People are still living there, you can't currently name in city of ghosts.
Amanda: Unless you just rage-quit on a city, move away, never to be found again.
Eric: Like you could call Chernobyl "City of Ghosts."
Eric: That's cool, no one lives there anymore. NO one can move in, for like 150 more years.
Julia: Which is, forever.
Amanda: "So the people in Village of Ghosts were hella rich, getting money from the vineyards and mills, but they were also super morally fucked up. One time this old farmer man went there to get the last bit of his wheat made into flour for his daughter's wedding."
Julia: Sure, sure.
Amanda: "But some friendly, neighborhood fuckboys stole it, and the mill owner and the entire settlement blocked the old man's demands for justice. SO when the old man did the one thing a rational person would do, he cursed the place."
Amanda: "The entire thing then went underground, but resurfaces for a day every seven years, bending the reality-"
Eric: Wait, what went underground?
Julia: The whole city.
Amanda: The village.
Eric: The whole village was cursed.
Amanda: They were like, this whole thing? No.
Julia: And pushed it down underground.
Amanda: Nothing redeemable going on there, nothing redeemable.
The entire thing went underground, like I said, "...and it resurfaces for a day every seven years."
Julia: Like the ghosts do, or the people come out of the ground?
Amanda: Atlantis style, the city reemerges every seven years.
"...bending reality..." the movie, not the actual thing.
Eric: No, you guys sounded like, check out Atlantis, it just pops up every seven years. (laughs) Very cool.
Julia: That's our next pager round goal.
Amanda: What if I were secretly, this whole time, an Atlantis truther?
Julia: I think we'd have to rethink this podcast a little bit.
Eric: That'd be very good.
Amanda: So "when this happens, it bends reality around itself and tries to lure people in. If you're unfortunate enough to get into the town walls on the surface, you cannot leave while the day lasts. You just have to not accept anything from anyone, phase-dial, and pray. If you accept anything, or talk to anyone, you've done goofed up, and now you're part of the town."
Julia: Do we know the specific day, or is it just like, you know it's a random day every seven years?
Amanda: One day every seven years. I mean, maybe if you know the day, then you can avoid it seven years later?
Julia: But that's not the problem.
Amanda: Like does the city observe leap years? Who knows, man? That could fuck your whole shit up!
Julia: It might have been thrown off, for four years now.
Amanda: And how every year, we need to add a second every, whatever? That could happen. Who knows. Okay.
Eric: It's like that song from Rent.
Julia: (laughing) Fuck you.
Eric: The response I was hoping for.
Julia: True friendship right there.
Amanda: You know, it's super sad how Rent gets more and more morally bankrupt as we listen to it as an adult. Like, that meant so much to me, and now I'm like, Okay I'm sorry your gentrifying friend wants to make you pay rent on your loft you have in Alphabet City...
The premise is just less relatable.
Like fuck capitalism, but also, then he makes some sense. He does.
"The legend does not explain the cryptid trams, or why Rachia is the Twilight Zone 24/7. But it does put this into a pretty interesting folklore context. Maybe the area was fucked up even before, and the legend was created just as an explanation, or maybe the ghosts just don't give a fuck no more, and live on the surface now."
Julia: Honestly, probably same.
Amanda: "But, I have no proof, and have no intentions on going back to research."
Julia: See, I like when we have smart listeners.
I know. I love when people aren't like "yo, I saw a ghost, so I followed it," and I'm like, don't do that! Terrible idea! It's like, oh I went to a haunted city, and I'll never go back. Good.
Amanda: Yeah, it's true.
Well, Luchia signs off with "stay creepy and cool, lurking and lit." And says as a P.S., "If you ever come to Central Eastern Europe, and could use a translator and guide, hit me up! I'm here, I'm queer, and I know where to get the best beer."
Which is my newest line of merch, spiritspodcast.com/merch.
Julia: So we're adding that right now, you're emailing our merch person right now?
Amanda: Yeah. So that's Luchia. Thank you, Luchia.
Julia, I'm so excited, the date has finally come!
Julia: Ah! Tell me, tell me, what are we excited about?
Amanda: I have been working for several months on a Skillshare course. You have heard us, for over a year, recommend courses on Skillshare that we love, and I am now a teacher!
Julia: Amanda, I'm so proud of you! Tell me about your class!
Amanda: Thank you!
My course is called Podcast Marketing: How to Grow your Audience with a Marketing Plan, Social Media, and Meta-Data tips.
Julia: Wow, that sounds really up our alley, tell me more!
Amanda: Thank you very much for that seg-way, no, but listen, y'all, I'm really excited about it. It's like 25 minutes long, there are 11 videos, and I teach you all the things that Julia and Eric and I have learned over our three and a half years of doing this podcast.
How to do good social media, how to name your podcast really well, how to think about your audience, like who they are and where to reach them; So even if you don't have a podcast, and you have a web comic, or a blog, or you want to do one of these things, and you're not quite sure where to start, the course is free for you to take, and I think it's pretty good, so please head on over to skillshare.com/spirits2, the number two. That will get you two free months of premium. With that free trial, you can take my class for free, and post your marketing plan, ask me questions, and I don't know, help my little course get off the ground!
Julia: If Amanda made it, listener, I can assure you, it is quality product. So again, you can go to skillshare.com/spirits2, get two months of Skillshare premium for free, and then Amanda can teach you how to market your thing right.
Amanda: I hope so. I think so. I'm really proud of it.
Julia: So, thank you, and if you end up taking the class, please tweet me and let me know what you think.
Amanda: Do it. You should do it.
Julia: Amanda, you know what I love to do when I've had a long day, and I just wanna kind of relax, and chill out?
Julia: I cook! I love cooking!
Amanda: It's true, it's very relaxing.
Julia: Which is why I was so excited, when last week, my box from EveryPlate arrived at my doorstep!
Amanda: Now folks may not have heard of EveryPlate, but it's a meal delivery service, like other ones you might have heard advertised on podcasts or other places, but what makes EveryPlate different is that, the meals start from only $4.99 per serving. So, it's really intended to be the most budget-friendly, cheap, healthy alternative to stuff like take-out or delivery.
Julia: Yeah, we can't all spend a ton of money on getting food delivered to us. I know I can't. I am a full-time podcaster, I can't spend all of my money-
Amanda: Pinching pennies, y'all.
Julia: So the nice part is, it's affordable, it's also healthy, and it is genuinely delicious. Jake and I, the first thing we did was make some chili mac'n'cheese that they sent me, and oh my God, there was bacon in there, we did jalapenos, I made some cornbread with it, it was incredible. It was so good.
Amanda: I really like that it means that I have less time deciding what to cook, and waffling over what I should make, should I order in? Blah, blah, blah. Like, the food is there, they give youexactly the amount of ingredients that you need, and all the recipes take about 30 minutes to prepare. It's super easy to fit into your routine.
Julia: Yeah. Can confirm. Jake and I made one last night that was just like, one and done, super easy, we watched an episode of Community, and finished our meal the same amount of time; it was great.
Amanda: That is a good testimonial. So, for six free meals across your first three weeks, as an EveryPlate subscriber, and to get free shipping on your first delivery, go to everyplate.com and enter the code spirits6.
Julia: Yep, you can go to everyplate.com and enter the code spirit6 for six free meals across your first three weeks, and free shipping on your first delivery.
Amanda: Thanks, EveryPlate!
Amanda: Now, let's get back to the show.
Julia: Alright, I am mixed from a story from Chelsea, the subject line is: Wine Country Cryptids, an Unsolved Murder in a Bar, and Spooky Abandoned Vineyard Buildings.
Eric: Oh, yeah. That's a lot of different things.
Julia: Yeah, so she says "I grew up in Napa, California, where all of the wine is from."
There is no other wine except from Napa, California.
Amanda: What's Argentina? Who knows?
Julia: "I have stories for you about a local cryptid, a murder in a bar that went unsolved for 36 years, and mysterious, creepy houses in the middle of a vineyard."
I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon, but we don't have that, I'm so sorry...To pair with these stories, because that is the wine that Napa Valley is most know for.
Amanda: You know, my only favorite thing, more than a good, unsolved murder story, first of all is no murders...(laughs)
I mean, let's accept the premise that a murder has happened. The only thing better than an unsolved murder story is a solved murder story. Like, I wanna know who did it.
Julia: Yeah, give me that conclusion.
Amanda: And I hope that this is true. I just need closure.
Eric: Imagine if there was like, unsolved mysteries. And then another show that took place right after, called solved mysteries, and it was like very jaunty TV, there wasn't any of that spooky stuff, it was just like, yeah we did it! A bunch of people worked really hard, we figured out what happened.
Amanda: The repented, there was restorative justice in the U.S. now, and everyone is better.
Julia: The dream. A girl can dream.
Alright, we're starting with the cryptid.
"So in NAPA, we have a creature called the Rebob; here is what I remember about them from my childhood. There is a road that goes up into the hills where there are trees and such, called Patrick Road."
You know, trees and such.
Amanda: My brain already went "nope!"
Eric: Like bushes.
Julia: "This is where the Rebobs live. They are creatures like the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, created by a mad scientist in the lab up in the hills."
Amanda: Oh, wow. We have some cross over going on.
Julia: Yeah, it's very good.
Amanda: "Napa teenagers will often drive up this road at night, when it's dark. It's woodsy up there, so there's no lights, an wait up there for the Rebobs. It's said that if you park your car at the top of Patrick Road, they will attack you."
Eric: Hey, hey, hey, hey. I wasn't sure what I was gonna say at the end of that sentence, but I knew I was gonna have to say something. Because that's my job on these.
Why would you wait for it to attack you? I was gonna be like, to see one! Hey, don't do that because it's gonna attack you, but they just wait up there for an attack. That's a bad!
Amanda: See, we were talking about this recently, where it's like why do small children do Bloody Mary in the mirror? It's just to show that they can.
Eric: Yeah, never did it, because I'm smart.
Julia: Yeah, I did.
Eric: I was like, no. No. I'm not gonna die.
Julia: See, I did it, and now I'm possessed by the ghost of Bloody Mary.
Amanda: I just like parking in well-lit areas. That's me.
Julia: Honestly, fair, solid choice.
Okay, so apparently "You can hear them screaming and see their red eyes in the night. Lots of people get dared to go up there," to answer your question, "and stay for a certain length of time, or call out for the Rebobs. Internet research tells me that there seems to be some disagreement about their appearance and the story. Most agree that they're monkey-like, but some say they're part robot, or human-monkey hybrids, and that they may have long talons and fangs."
Amanda: Creepy, Okay.
Julia: I like that you're nodding, and Eric is just like nope.
Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
Amanda: I'm just taking it all in; I had to decide which one was worse, and I think the worst case scenario is the human-monkey hybrid.
Julia: Okay, that's interesting.
Eric: No, okay, so I'll quickly Lincoln-Douglas debate south.
Amanda: Okay, go ahead.
Julia: You have five minutes for af. Okay.
Julia: Nerds, I love you!
Amanda: He would also be Ned, because I started with my premise, but okay-
Eric: That is bad, undeniably, but if someone has created a cyborg, that's also very bad.
Julia: It's harder to kill.
Eric: Yeah, it's harder to kill, for sure. Because metal parts.
And, also you've now augmented better, because a monkey and a human, I definitely know how to fight a human, I feel like-
Julia: Monkeys, wild card!
Eric: I feel like I could probably lose to a monkey, but hold my own for a little bit. Once you added a robot, I'm not gonna win. It's definitely much stronger, its got like, metal bones, or a weird laser, some kind of super-sonic blast. Who knows?
Amanda: See, I was thinking, just like get them in a puddle, cut down a live wire, don't die, but put it in the puddle, then you're fine.
Amanda: That was just my thought.
Julia: Okay. Excellent idea. Five points to Amanda, and eight to Eric.
Julia: I think, I don't know.
Amanda: We'll do our rebuttals later.
Julia: So "There is also some disagreement over the scientist as well. Some say that he was killed by his creations, others say that he will steal children from their beds, and skin cats"?
Eric: Unrelated. Too unrelated. I was expecting a follow-up to what he did with the children, but then suddenly it's also a shitty thing to do to a house pet.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: They do comment: "Though I've never heard that version myself. I've been told that they're most likely to be wild turkeys or something, rather than winged-monkey cryptids, but we'll never know."
Eric: One time there was a wild turkey in my back yard, can I go?
Amanda: (laughing) Alright, go ahead!
Eric: There's nothing more to the story.
Amanda: That's the story?
Eric: Do not be impressed by this, but I had never seen one in the suburbs, and it was in my backyard, but it was in a bush. So it just flew away, and it scared the shit out of all... There were five of us back there, and it was like, and just like a bunch of flapping and a bush shaking, and we were like, what was that? That's the story. Not good.
Amanda: That was just nonsense. I mean, turkeys are just modern day dinosaurs. Have your ever looked at a turkey's foot? That shit is scary.
Eric: Did you know that wild turkeys are nomadic?
Julia: Yeah, no. It's just a velociraptor.
Eric: I found that out.
Eric: They're nomadic. They just kind of move around, cause at work-
Julia: Isn't that just, all birds?
Amanda: They go back and forth.
Eric: Yeah, but at work, you would always had these wild turkeys show up, and they'd just show up in the parking lot, and it'd be a pain to get out at the end of the day, because there would be, like five wild turkeys in the sidewalk, I'd be like, go on, get out of here.
Julia: That's just geese. That's just geese.
Eric: That's just geese, but they were turkeys. And then I was like, where do they go? Because we only see them sometimes. They were like, they just move around. But they don't leave, they don't go to Florida for the winter. They're just like, we're sleeping here!
Amanda: I was searching for word "migrate" and the one page supplied was the word "commute."
Eric: At least yours came up with a word, because I was also looking for it, and I was like, they go somewhere else. They go to Florida! I was like, that's as close as I got. I got a phrase. You at least got a similar word.
Julia: They also make a comment, that Napa High School, which is the high school that they went to, has had the quote on quote "Indians" as their mascot for a long time-
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: ...which is hella racist, but they've been petitioning to have the Rebobs be the new mascot.
Amanda: That would be great.
Julia: That would be very, very cool.
Eric: Let's quickly decide which mascot is the best. Is it: A weird, wild turkey? A monkey-human hybrid? Definitely not that one. That's a bad...
Amanda: Nope, that seems like the racism might just be a different variety.
Eric: Exactly. Monkey robot, I feel like is a great mascot.
Julia: Monkey-robot, I am a fan of, but I will always back up Ben Franklin, where the turkey is the best mascot of all time.
I held that letter in my hand, by the way. Fun history thing.
Amanda: Julia worked at the Library of Congress, and I visited her one weekend, and she was like, you wanna touch Walt Whitman's glasses? And I was like, Yes I do!
Julia: I think it was the best gift I've ever given you in my entire life.
Amanda: Yeah, no it was amazing.
And then she was like, here's Abigail Adam's hair! And I was like, hair is too far. Hair is too far.
Julia: It was John Quincy Adam's hair, which is worse.
Amanda: Oh, yes. Yeah.
Eric: This has never come up before. I had no ide-
Amanda: Oh really?
Eric: Yeah, I did not know any of this has happened, I didn't even know you worked at the Library of Congress!
Julia: After the show, come talk to me about the Library of Congress; I will tell you all about it. It's great.
Amanda: Oh yeah, it was fun.
Julia: We're only on the second point of this story, though.
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Julia: "So in downtown Napa, there is a building that sort of sticks out. It's boxy, and taller than it's neighbors, with a strange blue and red tiled entry-way. As long as I could remember, this building has always been decrepit and empty, which is strange, in the middle of a touristy, downtown, and practically across the street from the nice river front. All I knew was that someone had been killed there a very long time ago, and it used to be a bar."
"We call it the 'Haunted Bar' or the 'Murder Bar' and I think some people told me that it was called 'Redrum'"
Because it was written... What's the movie?
Eric: The Shining.
Julia: Thank you. I'm sorry, I blanked on that. I had nothing.
Eric: I have a film degree; that's all I've ever used it for.
Julia: Thank you so much for that.
Okay, so "when I got older, I decided to read a bit about what had happened. The bar, which was called Fagiani's Cocktail- (laughs)
Amanda: May I pause you while you recover?
Julia: (laughing) yeah.
Amanda: That mysterious vibrating was a train, by the way. It was not a ghost.
Julia: It is a ghost and track.
Amanda: I was picturing a giant worm moving through the bedrock of Portland...
Julia: We had already talked about ghost trains, we might as well just embrace it.
Amanda: Yeah, that's true.
Eric: Very excited to edit this.
Julia: So "the bar called Fagiani's," I love Italian things so much, "...Cocktail Lounge and Liquor Store was owned by two sisters: Mirial Fagiani and Anita Fagiani."
Amanda: A cocktail lounge where you can bring liquor home with you? That's ideal! I love it!
Julia: Yeah, love it.
"The two sisters inherited the bar from their father, who ran it in Napa for a long time. Anita opened, as usual, on the night of July 10, 1974, but the next morning-"
Eric: We have a thing.
Julia: You love specific dates.
Eric: If it's too specific, it's not good. I want things that are lost to time, because then they feel removed from the reality we live in. If it's that specific, it feels like it could be real, and I don't want any of this to ever be real. Ever.
Julia: You just want it all to be fake.
Eric: Mm-hmm (affirmative). That would be the best.
Julia: So, "Anita opened on July 10, 1974, but the next morning, Mirial found her body stabbed and strangled in a blood-covered back room."
Eric: She found her own body?
Amanda: Whose body?
Eric: Antecedents are important here.
Amanda: Our whole tangent interrupted the listener's email.
Julia: Mirial found Anita's body, her sister, in the back room, covered in blood.
"She locked up the bar, and left it untouched for decades, refusing to sell or even lease the building until her sister's killer was caught."
This is just Hell House. This is a new inside joke where we just make Hell House references for Eric, and he's like-
Eric: We don't even make Hell House references, we just say something, and then we go "This is just Hell House."
Have you guys seen Hell House on Netflix? It's very good. It's mostly a family drama, that is also spooky. Very good, check it out.
Julia: "I've heard that the crime scene, including the blood stains, was left untouched as well, but I'm sure how true that actually is. The murder went unsolved for 36 years until 2010, when the killer was identified and charged."
Amanda: Whoa! It's a murder that's solved!
"After this, the building was reopened," thank God, "as a trendy restaurant named, simply, Fagiani's with a rooftop bar. I ate there myself, and remember the aioli being very good."
Amanda: Now is this a hipster, old Spaghetti Warehouse?
Julia: Possibly because "however, the building has since closed, and the building is empty again."
Bad luck, maybe.
Amanda: I think what Napa needs is a mediocre chain Italian restaurant that is definitely haunted, with a trolley car.
Eric: That's what Napa needs.
Amanda: It's what I said.
Julia: Alright, the final story starts with "This one I have no reference for." They provided references for all the other stories, which I appreciate.
"One of my friends lives in a house that was right next to a vineyard, and we used to always go walk around between the vines. At some point, we came across a collection of abandoned buildings in the middle of a vineyard. Some contained-"
Eric: A collection.
Eric: So many.
Julia: "Some contained farming equipments, others had once been homes. The one I remember most clearly was a house. We went inside, and there were dead flies covering the entire floor of the living room."
Already, just real-
Julia: Real bad.
Eric: Real quick, I'm just gonna make a quick editor note, I have to tell my girlfriend not to listen to this part of the podcast. She doesn't like swarms, so this is just for me later.
Amanda: Okay, cool.
Eric: Not for you guys, she got mad at me this morning because I didn't tell her the newest every little thing where they talk about a swarm of bugs, so I'm just making sure I get that...
Julia: I agree, also gross.
"There was a staircase leading up, but form the outside there was no visible second floor."
Julia: "We also found a back room of another building, in which someone had spray painted four words in red: "club house" and "murder joint.""
Amanda: Club space house?
Julia: Club house, murder joint.
Eric: Okay, but why did they say the word forwards? Is something gonna be spray painted backwards?
Julia: No, no. Club house, and then murder joint. Four words.
Eric: Oh, four words! Forwards! I thought you meant forward. 'Cause I was expecting something to be spelled backwards. 'Cause I think of Clubhouse as one word.
Julia: Things spray painted on a wall backward would be pretty impressively creepier-
Eric: Just because, earlier we had Redrum, which was famously backwards as murder, and that's the whole...
Amanda: Yeah, oh it is, isn't it?
Julia: (laughing) Amanda's never seen that movie.
Eric: Also, it's about how the moon landing was fake, but...
Amanda: Okay, we'll talk about that later.
Julia: "We therefore, named this place "Club House Murder Joint" and would often go there to get spooked, scream, and run away."
Like you do as a small teen.
Julia: "We were also convinced that we would get arrested if anyone found us in there."
Again, much like you do as a teen.
"Anytime a car drove past on the road up the hill, we would scramble into a hiding place. It was great fun-"
Amanda: Do not hide in the ghost house!
Julia: "It was great fun, but it was demolished sometime back."
Julia: "Anyways, thank you for the stories and laughs, enjoy. Chelsea."
Amanda: I did not enjoy, Chelsea.
Julia: Oh, I'm sorry.
Eric: We did enjoy, we enjoyed.
Amanda: I was horrified, in a pleasant way.
Julia: Is this why people take roller coasters?
Eric: I don't know.
Amanda: I don't know, my tum is too delicate for roller coasters, I can't do it.
I did once come across an abandoned root cellar, in a field in Ireland, and went "Nope!"
Julia: That was the correct choice.
Amanda: ...and went back the way I came.
So, this email is from Dariah, and the subject matter is "Spoops in Salem."
I may, nope that is a complement to us, not to you.
Julia: It's just for us!
Eric: But you're all great. You're all great.
Amanda: Not that you don't deserve it, but that you don't want to hear me reading a complement about me, that sucks.
So, "Today, I have a spoopy business to attend to with this email. Unfortunately, not of spaghetti variety, but it could be, if you scrunch your eyes, and but your mouth in a spoopy spaghetti-eating position. Then maybe, just maybe, a ghost nood would slip into your mouth."
Julia: I'm sorry, what?
Amanda: You heard me.
Eric: This is nood spelled nood, and then leaving out the les.
Amanda: Like a noodle.
Eric: A noodle.
Amanda: Yes, Eric Silver, this entire trip, has been calling noodles "noods"
Eric: It's been very frustrating.
Amanda: Extremely. It's extremely strange for a passerbys.
Eric: He walked back to the hotel, and he yells "I just got some noods!" And I was like, I don't want to know about that.
Amanda: By which he meant, lo meine. He's like, "I went to a Hawaiian place, and they gave me noodles.
Eric: I was just like, I don't wanna know!
Amanda: Okay, so Dariah says:
"I grew up in a pretty Christian household. My dad's a pastor, and his whole family ended up being in the ministry, except for me. I'm your local pastor's kid witch down the block."
Julia: Hell yeah.
Amanda: No big deal. Anyway,
"I wanted to tell you guys about a really weird story my mom told me. It is, ironically enough, about witches and spirits, and how the went after my parents' church way back before I was born. Now I've been practicing witchcraft and reading Tarot for almost three years, and I'm still a little confused by the story. All the witches I've known have been positive and loving. Even though most of them don't like Christianity necessarily, because of the Bible thumping, and all that."
Julia: You know, law's not pagan, it's fine.
Amanda: Yes, but who knows? Maybe it was different back in the 80's.
"So my mom-"
Julia: It was.
Amanda: We weren't there.
Julia: I did research on this.
Eric: I was there, though. I was there.
"My mom always started the story with the fact that they were living in Salem at the time; cool, right? Of course, there would be witches there. There are witches there a lot, it's great, highly recommend going to Salem, Massachusetts."
Julia: Hey, fun fact about Salem, Massachusetts, they are very much like "we didn't have witches, we just like sea-faring society, tell us about your boats!"
Julia: Yeah, they're really trying hard to kind of get away from the witch thing.
Amanda: Poor Salem.
Julia: And you really can't, but dudes, I'm sorry.
Amanda: My tattoo artist did a residency in Salem, last Halloween, and only did cult-style tattoos, it was very good.
Julia: Good for her.
Amanda: "However, it wasn't in Massachusetts. It was in Salem, Oregon."
Amanda: I think it's good because it's in Oregon, and I love Oregon.
"My family had just started a church in the area before I was born."
Julia: I don't know about starting a church in an area?
Amanda: Starting a church seems a little suspicious to me.
Julia: Yeah, I'm a little worried.
Amanda: I just, much like the old ghosts, are probably more predictable, I think old church, you kind of know what you're getting.
Amanda: New church, I'm a little worried.
Julia: No offense to anyone who goes to a new church, I guess?
Amanda: We can talk.
Julia: Yeah, we'll talk later.
Amanda: "When they started services, they saw that they had quite a few runners in the area. Except they were running laps around the church, instead of just passing it on the sidewalk."
Julia: I was confused, as to what you meant by runners for a second, then I was like, Oh! Joggers!
Amanda: Me too. Cool.
Eric: Wait, is that not what you mean?
Amanda: No, it's joggers.
Eric: Okay, they're just running around the church?
Julia: They just running all around it.
Eric: That's weird.
Amanda: So they were "weirdly running around the church, instead of passing it on the sidewalk. Odd, but nothing to be too concerned about. Daily, the runners would run around the church a few times, and then leave. But that is when the weird stuff started happening. Pastors and workers in the church started having the weirdest dreams. Dreams about these dark, shadowy animals attacking them and their families. Rats, panthers, spiders, anything weird and creepy. They quickly escalated to full-out nightmares. My brother Josh was one of the ones who had it the worst. The nightmares were full of these shadow snakes attacking his brother. Lots of them. And, according to Josh, he wasn't dreaming. He was seeing the snakes literally slither from under the floor and go right up to his brother's bed."
Julia: Oh, boy.
Amanda: "They enacted violence upon him, and then Josh would start screaming, and my parents would come in."
This is very Hell House, huh?
Amanda: "Jonathan was young, but he was having bad dreams too. My parents also had dreams about snakes."
Julia: I'm a little concerned. You're like, "Oh we started a church, and now we're dreaming about snakes."
Amanda: Oh yeah, no.
Eric: The most evil animal in the Bible.
Amanda: In the Bible, that's true.
Julia: That's debatable.
Eric: Literally Satan.
He's a snake.
Eric: Goats, also not good.
Julia: Goats are so cute, though.
Amanda: I love goats.
Eric: Yeah, but they're all very bad in the Bible.
Amanda: Only the rams.
Eric: I'm not denying their cuteness.
Julia: But, we're in the now-times. Now we eat cheese from the goats.
Amanda: I know, goat cheese does not hurt my tum as much as cow cheese. It's great. Okay.
"It was even worse when one night my mom woke up in the middle of the night, and floating above her and my dad was a hooded figure with a rope in his hand."
Julia: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Amanda: "Quickly, she realized that she was seeing the hand strangle my dad in his sleep."
Julia: Oh, boy.
Amanda: "She even heard his gasps, but being a godly woman, she called on Jesus' name, and repelled the spirit. And it did go away. However, the next morning my mom told my dad about it, and he was shocked, because that same night, he had woken up in the night, and had the exact same experience, expect the spirit had been choking my mom."
Amanda: "They came to the conclusion that it was a demon that had attacked their family."
The person that said "nope" I completely agree.
Nope, board up the church, leave town, never come back.
Julia: This town don't want you there!
Amanda: "Weeks went by, and the whole leadership of the church was having these insane experiences. Not only that, but the church wasn't doing that great. There was low attendance-"
Julia: I'm sorry, I wonder why...
You come to unburn yourself of your sins, you leave with some demons, is that how it usually works?
Amanda: "There was low attendance, things weren't working out. So after a few weeks, they stopped one of the joggers and asked why they were running around the church, not seeing a correlation at that point between the nightmares and the runners," why would you?
Julia: Yep, nope.
Eric: Is the answer, like a perfect quarter-mile lap, and there was just not a track nearby?
Julia: It's actually true. It's actually .666 miles.
Amanda: There it is.
Eric: Even better.
Amanda: "So it's a little unclear if the runners told them this, or if my parents found out on their own. For now, Ill just pretend the runner told them, ha ha. But the runner said that he was part of a witch coven. They'd been running around the church, putting spells and curses on the church so they wouldn't thrive in the city."
Eric: Rude. Rude.
Amanda: Again, not super true...
Eric: Look, whatever your affiliation, it just seems unnecessarily aggressive.
Amanda: Yeah, and not in line with witches that we know.
"I don't remember what my parents did about it, I think they told them not to run on the property anymore, or something?"
Julia: (laughing) That'll solve it.
Amanda: "But in the end, they didn't ever see those joggers again, and things went pretty well after that."
Amanda: That's the story of the spooky church in Salem.
Well, thank you so much for joining us here at the Hauxton, curtesy of Listen Up Portland, thank you it's been such a fun trip and experience for all of us. Thank you so much all for coming.
Eric: Thank you to all of you.
Thank you to Eric, the sound guy!
Amanda: And remember to stay creepy.
Julia: Stay cool.