Episode 210: Your Urban Legends XLII - The Worst Question We’ve Ever Asked
/Sometimes we ask a question on this show that simply does not have an answer. And that’s probably for the best. We talk hair-styling witches, flipping haunted homes, and… well you’ll just have to wait to find out.
Content Warning: This episode contains conversations about or mentions of sex, Covid-19, curses, war/violence/conquering, genitals, masturbation, ageism, religious persecution, ableism, “Satanism”, mental illness, death, plane crashes, and injury.
Housekeeping
- Recommendation: This week, Amanda recommends Keep Calm and Cook On with Julia Turshen. Check out our previous book recommendations, guests’ books, and more at spiritspodcast.com/books
- Merch: Check out our new digital merch, including the Cool Cryptid Compendium, at spiritspodcast.com/merch!
- Multitude: Whether you're a podcaster, a creator, or interested in learning more about how our podcasts get made, we have dozens of free articles and videos for you! Find them at multitude.productions/resources
Sponsors
- Skillshare is an online learning community where you can learn—and teach—just about anything. Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com/spirits and the first 1,000 people to use our link will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership. This week Amanda recommends “iPhone Photography: How to Shoot & Edit Conceptual Photos on Your Phone” by Amelie Satzger.
- ThirdLove is on a mission to find a perfect bra for everyone. Get 10% off your first order at thirdlove.com/spirits.
- Function of Beauty is hair care formulated specifically for you. Save 20% off your first hair care order at functionofbeauty.com/spirits
Find Us Online
If you like Spirits, help us grow by spreading the word! Follow us @SpiritsPodcast on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads. You can support us on Patreon (http://patreon.com/spiritspodcast) to unlock bonus Your Urban Legends episodes, director’s commentaries, custom recipe cards, and so much more. We also have lists of our book recommendations and previous guests’ books at http://spiritspodcast.com/books.
Transcript
Amanda: Welcome to Spirits Podcast, a boozy dive into mythology, legends, and folklore. Every week, we pour a drink and learn about a new story from around the world. I'm Amanda.
Julia: And I'm Julia.
Amanda: And this is Episode 210: Your Urban Legends #42.
Julia: That seems not right in terms of numbers.
Amanda: You know, it's just time marches on and here we are just organisms in the universe doing our best.
Julia: We really are. And this episode, I think, we did our best. I think we really did our best.
Amanda: We brought some bold questions to the fore, had a rollicking discussion, had a much needed drink halfway through.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: And, you know, we hope that this brings you a laugh, conspirators.
Julia: It, certainly, brought us a laugh.
Amanda: It did and what brought a smile to our face it was seeing the new patrons who joined us: Katie, Erica, Castor, Lindsey, and someone who is very creatively named Little Vomitspiders running around.
Julia: Honestly, very evocative.
Amanda: Extremely creepy. We really appreciate your support. Thank you so, so much and thank you to our supporting producer level patrons: Uhleeseeuh, Allison, Debra, Hannah, Jen, Jessica, Keegan, Kneazlekins, Liz, Megan Linger, Megan Moon, Phil Fresh, Polly, Sarah, Skyla, SamneyTodd, and Alex Forbes. Welcome Alex.
Julia: Well, welcome. And, of course, we are fully in love with and would ask strange questions of all of our legend level patrons --
Amanda: Mhmm.
Julia: Audra, Chelsea, Drew, Frances, Jack Marie, Ki, Lada, Mark, Morgan, Necrofancy, Renegade, and Bea Me Up Scotty.
Amanda: Y'all are absolutely the best. And we so appreciate you taking the time out of your human days with your human dollars to support a podcast you love.
Julia: If you have, you know, fae days and fae dollars, I'm not sure how we would take those from you. I figure it's something like we leave it in a – leave it in a tree and then --
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, something like that.
Amanda: Yeah. We would not eat any fruit you gave us, but we would gratefully accept your gifts.
Julia: Mhmm. So, Amanda, speaking of gifts, because every recommendation you give me is a gift, what have you been --
Amanda: Aww.
Julia: -- listening to, watching, reading lately?
Amanda: Well, I was elated to see that Keep Calm and Cook On, which is a podcast by former guest and friend of the show, Julia Turshen --
Julia: Oh, hey.
Amanda: -- is back with a whole new season.
Julia: Oh, hell yeah. We love Julia. Not me. The other one.
Amanda: We do. We love Julia Turshen. And we really appreciate – I really appreciate. I know I'm speaking the real we – that she's speaks to really interesting people like in and around the food world. And they are nuanced. They talk about stuff like equity, compensation, mental health, personal and professional relationships, and balancing those things, volunteering. So, even if you're not particularly into the culinary world or, you know, listen to food media in general, I think this is a really great podcast about work and careers as well. And Julia is just an absolute dream. So, that's Keep Calm and Cook On.
Julia: Go check it out. Download it on your podcatcher.
Amanda: Ooh, what a nice little song.
Julia: Ooh, thank you. It was more of a like, you know, when actors can't sing very well so they just have them like kind of sing talk?
Amanda: Oh, yes. That's how I would – that's how I would be if I were, in my later years, asked to, you know, voiceover like a really fabulous act or something in, like, an animated movie.
Julia: Mhmm. You would do a great job with that.
Amanda: Thank you. So, as the year dwindles to a close, we will soon be recording a follow up episode to previous Urban Legend episodes for January. So, if you have written in on an Urban Legend, whether we have read your email on the show or not and there's developments in the case, please let us know. Just write to us. Go to spiritspodcast.com/contact and just include the word follow up somewhere in your email.
Julia: And then our, our fabulous filters will put it in the correct place so we'll see it.
Amanda: Absolutely. And our final reminder to you in this intro is that Multitude publishes free resources for creative people of all kinds. So, whether you are a podcaster, a creator, or just interested in learning more about how our shows get made and other podcasts you like, we have dozens of free articles, and videos, and recordings of panels for you to check out for free because we love you. You can go to multitude.productions/resources to read all of this.
Julia: They’re a lot of fun and I think very good tools to maybe start a business or something like that.
Amanda: I always find myself thinking about new projects and kind of planning and, and, you know, starting new things to get excited about around this time of year. So, I hope it's helpful to anybody who is thinking about starting something fun.
Julia: Yeah. Time is fake. And you shouldn't really, you know, start things at the end or beginning of the year because time is fake. But, if that works for you, go for it. Check out those resources, multitude.production/resources.
Amanda: So, without further ado, we hope you enjoy this truly buckwild Hometown Urban Legends episode.
Intro Music
Eric: I have a email – we're jumping straight in.
Julia: Whoa.
Eric: We do have a thing on the website that says, “May we read your message on the podcast,” and you can check yes or no. And this does say no. So, I cannot read this verbatim.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: But, luckily, it doesn't come from a person.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: So, I don't think we're at any trouble.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric: Someone's tried to sell us a website --
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: -- via the email. I, I --
Julia: What is the website?
Eric: I’ll – the website is streamwizard.com.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: And we can buy that. So, I'm not reading this verbatim. I don't know if there's any legal consequence for our contact form. But I just think it's very funny that someone's like, “I think you're the people looking to buy this domain.”
Julia: Stream Wizard.
Eric: I'm just like wondering, like, like – because I saw it. I was like, oh, maybe someone found like – because we did joke about, like, Spirits After Dark or --
Amanda: Right.
Eric: -- like, sexyspirits.com or something like that at one point. So, I was like, “Oh, maybe someone found that – one of those silly domains we were talking about months ago is available.”
Julia: Mhmm.
Eric: But, no, someone's just trying to sell us random, random wizard websites apparently.
Amanda: Don't worry. We do own spiritsafterdark.com.
Julia: Incredible.
Eric: We do.
Amanda: We do. Yes.
Eric: Excellent. I couldn't remember if we – what we actually bought.
Amanda: Oh, we do.
Eric: Oh, we tried to buy spiritspodcast.xxx.
Julia: Yes, that was the other one.
Eric: That was, like, $150 a year. It did not seem worth it.
Julia: That’s too much money.
Amanda: Yes, too much.
Julia: Do the porn sites make that much that they can pay for that? That's my question.
Amanda: Yes, Julia.
Eric: My understanding is porn makes a decent amount of – decent amount of change.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: I mean it’s quite a large industry.
Julia: That is true.
Amanda: I think it does for the website operators and not so much for the performers.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: It’s my understanding.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: My favorite thing is when those solicitation emails negg you. And they'll be like, “Hey, I really liked your blog post. No one will see it because your SEO is wrong.”
Julia: Yep. Love it. Love it.
Eric: Yeah. Just like, “What are you doing?”
Julia: Why do you need to shame me in order to make me buy your product? That's not how customer service works.
Amanda: I don't know. And we are not – we are not here for shaming on Spirits Podcast. We're just here for creeping you out.
Julia: We are here for shaming you if you make terrible decisions in the face of the supernatural.
Amanda: That's true. That's true.
Eric: Light, lightly shaming.
Amanda: What I said was not right.
Julia: Lightly shaming in a loving way because we want what's best for you.
Amanda: I actually have a very sweet email from Jenny which is about like a miscommunication that is not, in fact, shaming.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Okay. Okay.
Amanda: So, this one is called Real Life Trolls on the Isle of Rùm.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: I'm in.
Amanda: So, Jenny writes, “I live in a small town in the West Highlands of Scotland. And, though we all revel in myths and legends up here, especially over a wee dram, there's not many folk who are truly nerdy about them with. There are so many wonderful stories from the highlands that I think you'll love. But here is the first and it takes place on the Isle of Rùm, which I thought was appropriate. I worked there last year and enjoyed learning more about this mysterious and beautiful island. Enjoy.
Julia: Now, Rùm is spelled like the drink? Or --
Amanda: It is, with an accent on the U.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: And Jenny very helpfully included pronunciation. And it is pronounced like rum.
Julia: All right. Tight.
Eric: There you go.
Amanda: This is the tale of a mountain and how it came to be named.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: This story is becoming more and more widely known as tourism continues to grow in the Scottish Highlands. And folks are trying to take advantage of this new business opportunity by always looking for the right hook to encourage people to visit their little spot. I, however, heard the story from my friend and colleague while we walked together across the wind scoured yet richly biodiverse hillside of Hallival, one of the hills on the Isle of Rùm where I lived and worked for a year and where this tale takes place.
Julia: Remember how in the Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster episode --
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: -- we talked about how the Loch Ness Monster was probably a way of promoting tourism in the Scottish Highlands.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Anyway, just think about that. That's awesome. Go ahead.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah, 100 percent,
Eric: Julia is just thinking about tourism for some reason.
Julia: They’re talking about how the story's becoming more widely known. And I think part of that is probably like an increase in tourism. So, Scottish Highlands, tourism. Loch Ness.
Eric: I was – I was thinking of quarantine joke --
Julia: Okay. Fair enough.
Eric: -- about thinking about going places.
Julia: I don't want to go anywhere until 2022.
Eric: No, I, I fully agree.
Amanda: That's why I've been reading lots of RomComs set in Scotland. It's very fun.
Eric: RomComs?
Julia: RomComs.
Amanda: RomComs. Nice. All right. Back to Ginny, the Isle of Rùm is one of the small isles, a wee collection of four islands off the West Coast of Scotland. You might be interested to know that the other three islands are called Muck, Eigg, and Canna.
Eric: I am interested.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: You’re right. I am interested to know that.
Amanda: Eigg is E-I-G-G pronounced like egg. I just really – I would love to sort of have like a tiny baby island in the middle of Muck and Eigg called MuckEigg.
Julia: Cute.
Amanda: The name Muck derives from the Scottish Gaelic for porpoise because it looks like the breaching back of the wee dolphin cousin.
Julia: Aah.
Amanda: I don't know where the names Eigg and Canna come from. But J.R. Tolkien has a house on the Isle of Eigg and found much inspiration for the landscapes of Lord of the Rings from his time here.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: Between the sixth and ninth centuries, Canna was believed to be occupied by early Christian monks and used to be home to a monastery. Most creepy and cool TM, however, Canna has a cursing stone, one of only two found in Scotland. Apparently, this is usually an Irish thing.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: You can turn the stone to curse your enemies. Anyway, back to the trolls.
Julia: No, hold on. We need to discuss how it's like, “Oh, yeah, you know, cursing your enemies, usually an Irish thing.”
Amanda: I don't know about cursing stones.
Julia: Okay. I don't – I don't either. That's – that's your relatives, Amanda.
Amanda: No, I mean, apart from the Blarney Stone, which is not our part of Ireland, I, I don't know what this could be. So, we have to look into it.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Anyway, back to the trolls. The year was 872 AD. The wind was high and the sea wild as the Viking longship cut through the water. A water which seemed to rise from beneath and fall from above in equal measure. Relentless. They sailed beneath the native blackened skies. They sailed for the Outer Hebrides to fight and conquer those islands far to the west. But, as the ship sailed to the sound of rum – incredible here --
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: -- the waves rising. As they pass between the Isles of Rùm and Eigg, they heard, even above the wind and rain echoing through the night, the cries. As they drew near the looming bulk of the island and the mountains rose before them, a blacker black than the surrounding darkness, the cries grew louder. Hundreds – thousands of voices it seems. Mournful screams and desperate cackles fills their ears. Layers of sound, which ebbed and flowed at the next wave, rose and fell letting the terrifying sounds crash over them again and again. Their boat tossed in the swell and the screeches seem to come from all around. “Trolls,” a man cried. “There are trolls in the mountains here.” Now, for these Norsemen, troll meant demon-themed and dangerous magic. If only the Mighty Thor would cast a bolt of lightning down to quell those fearsome otherworldly creatures, but the ghastly and terrible sounds didn't abate as they passed along the south shore of that lonely isle. Only when their boat had left the hulking inky form of the island far behind did the unearthly cause of the mountain trolls fade from the air leaving these fearless warriors to instead hear them in their minds.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: Every creak of the boat, every clink of the metal, the dreadful shrieks would chill their bones once more. Trollaval, they called it, the mountain of the trolls.
Julia: Ooh, love that. Good title.
Amanda: The year of 2020 --
Julia: Whoa.
Amanda: -- and I'm walking across the sunny hillside after work with two friends who have lived on the Isle of Rùm for several years. As we reached the crest of the [Inaudible 11:40], which is the wee shoulder between two peaks. This is, like, the fifth use of the word wee and I just so appreciate it. Thank you. The blue and sleek fleck sea stretches out before us. The mountain Hallival comes into view to the south and beyond rises Askival and Trollaval. On this beautiful balmy summer's afternoon with the Multitude TM of colors; purple heather, orange deer grass yellow asphodel, green sedges, and the pink stems of cloudberry, it feels like a magical place, a place of nature, of secret peace and power. We continue upwards. And, as we do, I noticed the wind blasted grass is somehow greener in some places than others. It's only when I look closer beckoned over by my friend that I see it, the burrow, small, dark, and deep.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Amanda: The hole sits at the top of its wee bright green patch. And there are hundreds of them scattered all across the hillside as if some giant was finger painting. The hillside is dotted with lighter richer green splotches, each with a little burrow accompanying it. Mike tells me to listen. So, I kneel down and pressed my ear into the opening.
Julia: No.
Amanda: I can hear them, the faint high snuffles and peeps. They are hidden deep within the mountain. And it is only at night that they reveal themselves. It is – now, I must tell you the truth of the tale. But my account of my walk in the Rùm hills is factually correct. Trollaval and the other Isles on Rùm are indeed littered with burrows within which curious creatures dwell. These beasts, however, are not the terrifying fens the norsemen feared. Rather, they’re manx shearwaters, a seabird whose nesting habits make them both safe from predators as well as mysterious.
Julia: Huh! I was gonna guess badgers.
Amanda: Their burrows high on the hillside – what, Eric? Why are you laughing?
Eric: The – just badgers.
Julia: Badgers.
Eric: I was gonna guess badgers.
Julia: I was gonna guess badgers. Maybe a hedgehog. I don't know if hedgehog burrow or not.
Amanda: Rats. I don’t know. Yeah. I never in a million years would have guessed birds.
Julia: Uh-umm.
Amanda: But these manx shearwaters are seabirds whose nesting habits make them both safe from predators as well as mysterious. Their burrows high on the hillside are free from rats and the parents only returned to them at nighttime to minimize the chances of being picked off by sea eagles. Guys, I don’t know about sea eagles.
Julia: Sea eagles.
Amanda: Or other avian foe.
Julia: Isn't that just a seagull?
Amanda: I sure hope not. Now, I feel very silly.
Eric: What’s that guy up to, Jason Segel? [Inaudible 13:53] in a minute.
Julia: I don’t know. We watched the movie where he shows his penis twice recently and that's all I know about Jason Segel.
Eric: You watch the movie twice or he shows his penis twice?
Julia: No, he shows his penis twice in the film.
Eric: Okay. Because I was like, “That's Missing Sarah Carter or whatever it's called.
Julia: Missing Sarah Marshall. Thank you. You got me there.
Eric: Yes, that was close guys.
Amanda: Guys, can we return to the wholesome birds, please?
Julia: Mhmm.
Eric: Yes, sorry. Sorry.
Julia: Sorry. We'll start talking about Jason Segel’s penis.
Amanda: It is as these birds returning on mass that they raise they're terrifying and ghostly cries so the air is filled with the sounds of thousands of moms and dads calling to their chicks. It was the manx shearwaters that the Vikings heard that night and assumed quite understandably that the hills were full of trolls. And, to add to this wonderful tale of misidentification manx shearwaters are definitely birds of the sea and sky. Their legs are positioned much further back than birds, which spend more time on land. And, so, they find walking quite a challenge. I like to think that their waddling gait adds to their mountain troll identity. They're also known to be the longest lived bird in the UK with one final old fellow found to be over 50 years old.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: And, finally, to add to their cute appeal, when they are waiting to return to their nests, they will form little rafts outside sea floating together until it gets dark enough for them to feel safe to return.
Julia: That's so cute.
Amanda: There is also a, a video that Jenny linked us to that we will link for our patrons in the director's commentary.
Julia: Hmm. Is it a video of the calls?
Amanda: The calls are there. Some, like, night shots of the adorable birds. And it's worth it, guys.
Julia: I need you to know that the scientific name for the manx shearwater is Puffinus puffinus.
Amanda: Oh, my god.
Eric: Very cool.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Very cool.
Amanda: This cannot be more wholesome. Thank you, Jenny. I know it's somewhat of a – of a non-creepy start to this episode, but I think we all deserve it.
Julia: No, I like it. That was very sweet and very, very evocative in its imagery.
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: Julia, I would love for you to go next.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Because I have a story that I think we're all gonna need --
Julia: A refill after?
Eric: -- to decompress with after.
Amanda: Oh, my good god.
Eric: So, I'm – I’m preparing for that possibility.
Julia: All right. Well, my story comes from Lizzie and it is titled The Time I Accidentally Spend Friday the 13th at the Most Haunted House in Our Region of Australia.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: Incredible. Again, I'm not here to shame our listeners, but maybe schedule out your trip so they don't fall on Friday the 13th. I don't know. Just a suggestion. I only discovered the show this year. And I've listened to the entire back catalogue in the last three to four months. You guys are phenomenal. And I absolutely love the show. Anyway, I thought I should write in and tell you about something that happened as recently as yesterday, Friday, the 13th. They wrote this on Saturday, the 14th, clearly. Let me preface this by saying that I am very much superstitious about this day. 100 percent bad things happen on Friday, the 13th. I have other stories about it, but they're definitely not “Eric safe.” So, my partner and I live in a small town called Menangle in the MacArthur region of New South Wales, just on the semi-rural outskirts of Sydney, Australia. We have the cutest moo cow neighbors. Anyway, we were meant to be having dinner with my parents, brother, and a couple of our friends on the night of Friday, the 13th. And all week I've been trying to book this cute little country club – actually, not a snobby one – that we like to frequent sometimes during the week to get out of the house now that COVID restrictions have eased up here in New South Wales, but the phone just kept ringing. Anyway, so, we get to the actual day of our little dinner catch up and I finally get through to the country club and try to book, but they're closed for the night for a wedding reception. See? Bad luck. Immediately, I panicked because I can't fit eight people for dinner in my tiny house. So, I looked around and find a very pretty-looking country club in the neighboring town of Camden. I booked for dinner and everything seemed to be running smoothly again letting me think that maybe this day won't be so bad. So, 6:30 PM rolls around and we arrive at the country club. And we see what looked on Google images like a beautiful big old country estate is actually a dilapidated 200-year-old mansion with some creepy ass vibes. Like, legitimately looks like something out of a horror film set.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: I was upset because, one, the pictures look so nice. And, two, I'm starting to feel like I fucked up with trying to find a nice scenic location for dinner.
Amanda: I mean I've also been led to believe that everything in Australia is six hours away from everything else. So, they might have driven hours to get here.
Julia: Yeah, it – well, they said the neighboring town. So, I'm going to give the lower estimate of about an hour.
Amanda: Yes, still bad.
Julia: Anyway, my partner tries to cheer me up while we wait for our friends to arrive. And, when they finally get there, one of them starts laughing and asks me if I know that this is the most haunted house in the MacArthur region. I'm thinking he's joking because it's Friday, the 13th. Basically, I tell him to stop messing with me until I Google it. As it turns out, the house was the site where two children died 40 years apart, but the bodies of the children were kept in the basement of the old house until they were prepared for burial.
Amanda: Nooo!
Eric: Nooo.
Julia: There had been TV episodes and paranormal investigations on this house. And there have been actual ghost tours run that take you through the house. People claim to hear footsteps in the house and sensations of being touched on the ankles by children running around. Needless to say, I freaked out. Thankfully, the dining area is separate from the old mansion. So, we had a nice ghost free dinner with our family and friends. Though my friends won't ever let me forget the time I accidentally booked a haunted mansion for dinner on Friday, the 13th, knowing how superstitious I am. Maybe I'll work up the courage and see if they're running ghost tours of the house and check it out and let you guys know how it goes. Please do that. Thank you.
Eric: Of course. Yes, definitely do that.
Julia: Hoping you all stay as well as can be in these crazy times. I'll send some photos of the haunted Studley Park Mansion, both what Google Images make it look like and what it actually it looks like. Thanks for reading, Best, Lizzie.
Eric: Perfect.
Julia: Guys. Why did I not book a extremely haunted mansion for my wedding? That seems like such a – such a mistake in hindsight.
Eric: Counterpoint, we never went inside.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: It could have been haunted.
Amanda: I did. It was a very sweet little maritime museum. And I think in the darker it would have been quite haunted. There were some --
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: -- like, tools that look a little menacing. I think there was, like, a life-size figure with a costume on. That's always bad. So, in the daytime, charming, beautiful, very wedding like, but it could have had a sort of day to night scenario. That could have been.
Eric: Yes. I've – I’ve been in the main maritime museum. As I've mentioned before, I think that --
Julia: Mhmm.
Eric: -- I've been to multiple weddings at maritime museums, which is a weird statistic I have. And in that one – that one had some spooky stuff going on. It also had, like, the bones of a ship outside.
Julia: Oh, hell yeah.
Eric: Like --
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: But they were painted white. So, it looked – it looked very much looked like a ghost ship.
Julia: Ghost ship. Ghost ship.
Amanda: Ghost ship. Ghost ship.
Eric: I think maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe you did book a spooky haunted place for your wedding. You just didn't know.
Julia: Maybe. Maybe.
Eric: Let's – let's assume that.
Julia: Maybe I was so lucky.
Eric: Also, wasn't there, like, a lighthouse kind of thing. Like, that – that place definitely had like a spooky thing. There was, like, another structure. There was, like, a structure. A big barn kind of thing. That – that's – some – something spooky is going on in there.
Julia: Yeah, it was like a, a shipbuilders
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: -- like workshop.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I, I – Julia, I bet you – I bet you did good and you booked a spooky spot for your wedding. You just didn’t know.
Julia: I, I might have. I just might not know.
Amanda: Or maybe --
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: What if --
Julia: What if?
Amanda: What if this was the pre-haunting? What if it becomes haunted later when something bad happens and then it sort of flicks between the beautiful idyllic memories of a lovely summer afternoon wedding and whatever horror happens later? Or maybe, in the future, the, the wedding was so memorable and great that our, you know, memories and, like, we're on a loop just enjoying ourselves – our, like, echoes are there. And then future people are like, “Oh my god, some lady in a white dress.” And it's like it was just Julia dancing, but they don't know that.
Julia: Hauntings are just memories imprinted on a place.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: And I absolutely could be haunting that in future – in future generations. That makes me so happy.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Good job me.
Amanda: Totally.
Eric: Well, here's my story --
Julia: Oh, boy.
Eric: -- that I think that I feel – that I feel like is one of these classic prompts for us to discuss. It's a short story, but I think we'll – we'll have a good – a good chuckle and a good – a good conversation afterward.
Julia: Great.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Here we go.
Amanda: I’m nervous.
Eric: This comes to us from Emma and she writes – Oh, I – the title is I Gave My House a Friendly and Maybe a Little Bit Sexy Spirit.
Julia: Oh, I didn't see this one.
Amanda: Ooh.
Julia: I’m very excited to talk about it.
Eric: Yes. Okay. So, Emma writes, “So, I think my brand new house may have a spirit. My husband and I are the first ones to live in it as it's a new build. So, we're not exactly sure how it got a spirit, but I'll tell you my hypothesis. So, my father-in-law heard a voice when he was alone with my two dogs telling them to hush and be quiet.”
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric: Not maliciously either. Just trying to get them to calm down. We've also found a sock in the kitchen sink. Not quite the right place to wash it, but very close.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Here we go. Here's the part.
Julia: The sexy part.
Eric: I've also found my vibrator out of its drawer a couple of time --
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: -- when both my husband and I have been at work. I'm not here to shame a spirit. So, I don't have anything else to say about this. Now, here's my hypothesis. Because my spirit and I – because – no. Because my husband and I are so loving, because we take care of each other and our dogs, I believe we imbued a caring and a little bit sexy spirit into our brand new house. Our house is alive with kind, helpful, caring energy. At first, the thought of a disembodied voice was a little creepy, but, hey, it means well. So, I think that's pretty cool. Here's my question. What would be the – worst isn't the right word – the object you would most likely – you would least like to see moved in your house by a ghost with the presumption that the ghost use that object as well.
Julia: Not gonna lie, Eric, vibrator’s up there.
Eric: Vibrator’s up there. Well, we can’t pick vibrator.
Amanda: I think also that's one of the – that will be a very scary sound to hear and not know where it's coming from. The vibration I mean not any ghost enjoyment. Because, disembodied, that shit could be anything. And I think I would be extremely upset to hear it. I think something very heavy. I think just coming to my house and seeing something very heavy that move that couldn't have rolled out, that the dog couldn't have gotten. Like, whatever it is, that would be the most kind of intimidating to me.
Julia: I have a question and you guys can red card it if you need to.
Eric: Excellent.
Julia: Do you think ghosts can orgasm?
Amanda: Absolutely, Julia. They're just energy. They're always halfway there.
Julia: But it's like – I just like – can the ghosts utilize the vibrator?
Eric: Hold on. I want to – I want to --
Julia: Okay. Sorry.
Eric: I want to correct, Amanda, seriously. Amanda’s presumption is that ghosts are constantly edging.
Julia: So horny all the time.
Amanda: No. No.
Julia: Constantly orgasms.
Amanda: It’s just they are – don't you think that ghosts are kind of at, like, a higher frequency that they're just – that there's – they’re like --
Eric: Yes. But, but being 50 percent there at all times is a lot more than – like, I will – I'll give you like 10 and be like, “All right, I'll let that pass with the no further – no further things. 50 percent, whoof!”
Amanda: Okay. I'll say partway.
Julia: All ghost are teenage boys going through puberty in Amanda’s mind.
Amanda: I’ll say partway then. Partway there. They're primed.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, I mean I – yes, I’ll – I'll accept partway there. That's perfectly fine. Halfway is, is too far --
Julia: It’s too much.
Eric: -- for all – for all ghosts.
Amanda: We also talked about the fact that getting corporeal is, like, shocking for a ghost. And, so, I think any sensation would be pretty overwhelming for a ghosts. That's all I'm gonna say.
Julia: Yeah, because the idea that you're like experiencing, like, nothingness and then you're experiencing like physical, like, reactions and physical sensation, that would be super overwhelming. But, like, my question is can a ghosts get corporeal enough that they can utilize a vibrator.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: One has to hope.
Eric: I mean, if you can pick something up, then you can presumably put something down.
Julia: But that requires then the ghost to, like, physically manifest their hand and then, also, physically manifest the part that they're vibrating.
Eric: Yes.
Amanda: I think – I think that was enough will a ghost can get it done.
Julia: So, it has to be an extremely powerful ghost, which we’ve, like, established from, like, the lore of ghost.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Yes, we know. It can’t just be like some new, newcomer ghost. It’s got to be --
Julia: Well, exactly. So, it's like --
Eric: This – I'm not saying all ghosts could get orgasm.
Amanda: Or maybe just a fresh ghost.
Eric: I want to be off the record. Not all ghosts can orgasm.
Julia: But that means, like, the colonial Revolutionary War ghost – he Revolutionary War goes has to figure out what a vibrator is and what it does.
Amanda: Or maybe it has to be a really fresh ghost. Don't know.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Now, fresh ghosts have more power than old ghosts.
Amanda: I, I said it --
Eric: Oh, boy.
Amanda: I said it because it came into my mind, but I think you're right, Julia, that the older the ghost, the more – the more of a fine vintage we have going on. The more power is amassed.
Julia: Mhmm. Mhmm.
Eric: I will – I would say for, for my – for my prompt – for my question that I asked --
Julia: Mhmm. Mhmm.
Eric: -- I would say, like, hold my toothbrush.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: That'd be creepy. Yeah.
Eric: Because it's one of those things where, like, it always goes back to where it started. So, like, if that's been moved around – and also I don't want a ghost brushing their teeth with that.
Julia: Yeah, you also said the assumption that it was used.
Eric: Especially some old Civil War ghost, oof, there's definitely some gingivitis getting on my toothbrush that way.
Amanda: I would like to revise to maybe, like, a treasured childhood object.
Eric: Mhmm.
Amanda: Like, if my childhood stuffed animal was suddenly, like, in the middle of my bed, I think I would leave the house screaming. That would be extremely bad.
Eric: Yeah, because that – because that's doubly scary. Because that it's either a ghost put it there or you might think that the object you love is just haunted.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So, neither option is good.
Amanda: Or, you know, serial predator scenario, also bad.
Eric: Well, yes. Yeah, let's – let's – let's assume the, the worst case real situation.
Julia: Here's the thing.
Eric: Mhmm.
Julia: I have ADHD, which is partially a memory disease. So, if things aren't where I left them or I remember leaving them, they're just gone for me. They just don't exist anymore. So, the idea of, like, ghosts moving things in by home is terrifying but, also, like, could just be my husband moved it and I don't remember him saying he was going to move it or actually moving it.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: It’s par for the course I feel like. It has to be something that, like, is a constant in my life and then I notice it's been moved. That would be the scariest part.
Amanda: Maybe like the necklace from around your neck. Also, bad.
Julia: Also, bad.
Amanda: Emma, I want you to make sure that your dogs did not move your stuff and maybe double check on that cabinet or box or whatever. Other than that though, this has been a, a fascinating and productive conversation.
Eric: It's sure has been. And, now, I think we much – we do, like I predicted, need a refill.
Julia: Oh, 100 percent.
Amanda: Very much so.
Julia: Let's go.
Amanda: Let's go.
Midroll Music
Amanda: Julia, sometimes, when I am trying to find stuff to watch and I kind of cycle through all my apps and I'm not really sure what to watch, I, honest to god, put on a Skillshare class because just seeing people who are competent and soothing talking about stuff that they know how to do well is just – really, like, scratches a part of my brain that I really need scratched sometimes. And I recently enjoyed a really fantastic kind of, like, mind warping class. It's called iPhone Photography: How to Shoot and Edit Conceptual Photos on Your Phone by Amelie Satzger.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: And it is like, you know, those photos you see that are beautiful on the internet with, like, a person's body but, like, a – the head is, like, a bouquet of flowers or something?
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: Yeah. So, she teaches you how to shoot those photos on your iPhone. So, it is extremely neat. And they're just beautiful. Like, it's sort of demystifies it in that it's, you know, teaching you how to do it. But I'm still just mystified that anybody makes that work. It's truly amazing.
Julia: It's also wild that you can just do it on your phone. You don't need to buy, like, a very expensive camera to do it. That's wild.
Amanda: Exactly. This class and thousands like it are available to you on Skillshare. You can explore your creativity at skillshare.com/spirits. And the first thousand people to use that link will get a free trial of Skillshare premium membership.
Julia: Again, that's skillshare.com/spirits. And the first thousand people will get a free trial of Skillshare premium membership. It is a great gift to yourself and to other people. And it's the perfect thing to send someone for the holiday season.
Amanda: Thanks Skillshare.
Julia: Amanda, I, I have a confession to make. And it's that I haven't gotten my haircut since September of last year. Maybe.
Amanda: Fair. Fair. Understandable.
Julia: It’s been a while. And I always worry that, like, going that long without a professional haircut is going to damage my hair somewhat. But, since I've started using Function of Beauty hair care products, I do not have that worry anymore. They are the world leader in customizable beauty offering 100 percent custom solutions just for you. You just have to take a quick but thorough quiz and tell them about your hair goals, which I love the idea of hair goals because everyone's hair, besides mine, is hair goals. And you can choose the color and the fragrance that you prefer. I know that you prefer, like, less of a fragrance if no fragrance at all. I like – just, like, pummel me with rose scent. Yes. Next, Function of Beauty’s team determines the right blend of ingredients and then they bottle your custom formula to order. And then they deliver that personalized formula right to your door in this very cute customizable bottle. It even has your name on it. And you get like the pumps, the stickers. You get little gifts. And they give you detailed instructions describing how to use that hair care regimen, which is like, “Oh.” It's like going to the hair salon and then telling you, “Okay. So, for the next couple weeks, you got to make sure to do this, this, and this. And only wash it with cold water.” I was like, “Thank you, Function of Beauty. That is very helpful.” So, what are you waiting for? Go to functionofbeauty.com/spirits to take your quiz and save 20 percent off your first hair care order.
Amanda: That is functionofbeauty.com/spirits to let them know you heard about it from our show. And then they'll come back and be a sponsor again. And you get 20 percent off your hair care order when you go to functionofbeauty.com/spirits.
Julia: Thanks, Function of Beauty.
Amanda: Juliaw I sent you a picture over the weekend. But I got a new tattoo this past weekend. Julia: Ahh.
Amanda: And it is very exciting. I’m getting my other arm done in, like, a beautiful kind of upstate New York Adirondack sleeve. And it goes up onto my shoulder, which is awesome. But that meant that I needed to find the right outfit to wear to the tattoo parlor --
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: -- so that my artist could clean everything and get the bandage on and, you know, get everything set without a bra strap or shirt strap getting in the way. So, I pulled out the only strapless bra that I have ever in my life been able to wear. And it is from ThirdLove.
Julia: Oh, hell yeah.
Amanda: This is a company that designs bras for your perfect fit. They use measurements from millions of people to design bras with all-day comfort and support. I was there for seven hours in different kinds of weird positions, you know, just getting everything done and getting my lines all set. And I did not have that band dig into me. I did not have any spillage. I did not have, you know, like, weird positions where I had to, like, readjust it. They are truly bras that fit and work and that is incredible. The thing I love the most I think is, A, it starts at just $45, which anyone who wears bras will know is a pretty good price.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: And then, secondly, they more than 80 sizes. They have bands from sizes 30 to 48, which is much bigger than you normally see. They have, like, a huge range. And they have cups from double A to I, including half cups. So, I really feel strongly about the fact that you guys can use their fit finder quiz, which is their quick, fun online quiz that asks you a few simple questions and then gives you your perfect fit in just 60 seconds to figure out the best size and style of bra for you.
Julia: Yeah, as a person who didn't know that they were a half size until I took this fit finder quiz, it is extremely, extremely useful. Also, I didn't know that, like, my breast shape matters in having a good fit. But the fit finder quiz taught me that and it's very cool. And they stand behind their products. If you don't love it, every customer has 60 days to return it. Returns and exchanges are free and easy. And ThirdLove’s team of expert fit stylists are dedicated to helping you find the perfect fit. And they're available for help via chat or email.
Amanda: Honestly, being able to ask somebody a question about what size would be best for you is such a huge deal.
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: And they give back too. They have donated over $20 million in bras to people in need, which I think is just fantastic. So, if you want to take the fit finder quiz and find your perfect bra, they are offering Spirits audiences 10 percent off your first order. Just go to thirdlove.com/spirits to find your perfect fitting bra and get 10 percent off your first purchase.
Julia: Yep, that's thirdlove.com/spirits for 10 percent off today.
Amanda: Thanks, ThirdLove. Now, let's get back to the show.
Eric: So, we are back with our – with our drinks ready to do the second half of this episode. I have upgraded my, my drinking game.
Julia: Wooh.
Eric: That – that makes it sound like it's gonna be different than what I'm about to say. But I – my, my, my go-to sipping whiskey – mixing whiskey is Bulleit – Bulleit Rye.
Julia: Mhmm. Good quality shit.
Eric: But I recently – it's like – it's like it's good, but it's not, like, expensive. And it's not – but it's also, like, not, not, like, cheap bad quality.
Julia: It's like the kind of stuff you would find at a nice bar, but not, like, paying $50 for a glass.
Eric: Yes, which did happen to me early this year when we were --
Julia: Mhmm.
Eric: -- when we were in LA and I got – I got duped. I was like – I was like, “I’m gonna order one drink.” And then I had a bill of $35.
Julia: Whoops.
Amanda: And it was like, “That's what a bottle costs.”
Eric: And then I said, “YOLO,” and I just ordered another. I was like, “Why not?”
Julia: At this point --
Amanda: Oh, pre-COVID.
Eric: And you know what? Might have been the last I was at a bar. So, good choices. Anyways, I upgraded my drinking thing by finally looking at the Bulleit and getting – getting the nice 10-year aged Bulleit.
Julia: Wooh.
Amanda: Wooh.
Eric: I was like, “Let's – let's try it out.” And it's good. It's good. Not, not much to report there. It's just a bit nicer quality of the, the Bulleit whiskey that I'm used to.
Julia: Nice.
Amanda: I do have to put in a quick plug for Seagram’s whiskey.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: It's bad, but it's fine.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: It's good to mix. It's fine in an old fashion. It's good for a party. I just want people to be less judgmental of our – of our plastic bottled friend Seagram’s.
Julia: Yeah. No, I think, if it's a mixing whiskey, more power to you, you know.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Get the cheap stuff. You're mixing it anyway. Who cares?
Amanda: Well, my dad did a, a nice distance visit to my home last month and brought a extremely heavy present and said, “Open this on December 1st.” And, so, I had an inkling. But, when we opened it, it was, in fact, a advent calendar of German beer. So, I just want to give my dad a shout out. I think he bought many of them for many people in his life. I don't feel bad about that. It's a great present. And, so, each day, I've opened a new German beer. All the titles are in German. So, I can't tell you – and all the cans. So, I can't tell you the style, the name, but I can tell you it's tasty and it's a nice present.
Julia: Oh, hell yeah, Brian. So good. What a great gift. I've been digging into more Long Island Brewery stuff. And I’m really liking, as kind of like a casual drinking beer, the Shore Thing Lager from Blue Point Brewery, which is very, very good. It is, like, a little bit citrusy. It's also a little tart. And they add a little, like, sea salt to it. Like – so, it's not like – it's not salty like a gose is. But it does have that kind of, like, tangy salinity on the back end. And I really like that as kind of, like, a – like, casual sipping beer.
Amanda: That's very you. Nice choice.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Thank you.
Amanda: This email comes to us from Alyssa. And it is titled Malawian Urban Legend Hairdressing Witches.
Julia: Ooh, hairdressing witches. Ooh.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: I'm very excited.
Julia: I need one of those right now.
Amanda: I have been listening to all your urban legend episodes since Halloween. And I've been inspired to send in one of my own. It features some terrifying African folklore. To explain my perspective on it, my mother is from Malawi and my dad is English. I visited often, but I've never lived there. She used to tell me various Malawian ghost stories as a child. So, these are from years ago and not part of my day-to-day culture. Just a disclaimer in case some of the details have been distorted. But I'm telling you this as she used to tell it to me. The story that always creep me out the most, because it was based in fact, was about the Malawian witches. They're called mfiti. Many Malawians, especially in rural areas are superstitious and believe in witchcraft and black magic as fact. Mfiti are specific type of witch and they're not really the type you'd want to have in your coven and hang out with.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: As my mom used to tell it, they specialize in black magic using human body parts.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: You can pay them to do black magic on your behalf, but they also have their own agenda and you do not want to piss them off.
Julia: Doesn't everyone have their own agenda at the end of the day?
Amanda: I think it's very smart though. You can't just have a magical service provider and hope it all goes the way you want it to.
Julia: Yeah, you got to pay those people.
Amanda: Mom showed me a carving of what they look like once. Because of their evil deeds, their bodies are distorted. They're thin, have elongated heads, and a rounded potbelly. Side note, they're usually also older women. You can see where the stereotype has probably come from. As I said, black magic is spoken of in hushed voices in Malawi, but it's a fact of life. You often hear of murders in remote villages where body parts have been harvested. And the legend is, if you ever find your own body has been mutilated, it's probably an mfiti out to get you. Most commonly, this can be in the form of mysterious cuts where they’ve taken your blood while you slept. Horrifying.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: But another favorite for them is to take locks of your hair. And that shit has happened to me more than once.
Julia: Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Eric: Oh.
Julia: Also, just a quick disclaimer, just remember that physical beauty or lack thereof does not determine someone's worth or whether or not they're good or evil.
Amanda: Definitely. And I think the, the Disability in Fairytales episode that we did is a great kind of primer on how, you know, bodies that are not very narrow idea of normal are often made to seem evil. So, it's a very good thing, I think, to stay curious and critical when you see a physical description of like a, you know, evil person. Spend a little time with that, you know, and interrogate that and kind of ask why these features are being categorized as such. My earliest memory of it is probably aged about seven. I woke up one day and had a random short section of hair right at the front of my head gone. A, that's a bad place to take it from me.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: B, so terrifying. Oh, my god.
Julia: It reminds me of when you accidentally would get gum in your hair when you were in kindergarten. Then they'd had to cut around it. And then you're just like, “I just got a weird bald spot there now. Cool.”
Amanda: Well, at least, then you’d know.
Julia: Mhmm.
Amanda: So, I showed my mom and she said, matter of factly, the mfiti must have taken it. Her evidence, you didn't find any hair on the pillow, did you? That's because they've taken it all.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: For visuals, I have curly mixed race hair Type 3C. I very rarely cut it. And, because of the way it falls, I do notice if it's uneven because that section will stick out and be asymmetrical. Several times over the years, I found sections of hair are suddenly shorter than they should be. This could be explained away by my hair being quite fragile and fine. But, in all these incidents, there is no hair on the pillow. Where does it go?
Julia: Several times is too many times.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. The most extreme incident was about three years ago. I was straightening my hair. And, as I did so, I discovered I had a new short layer going all the way around my head.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: I would have just thought that an enthusiastic hairdresser had added in some new style without me noticing, but the last time I'd been to the hairdresser was two years before that.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Amanda: It really confused me. It was a very distinct deliberately cut layer. And it couldn't have been there long because I would have noticed it. I have no history of sleepwalking or anything like that. Even if I've been awake, I'm not sure how I would reach the bit at the back of my head. My only conclusion was that the mfiti had come back and needed a whole chunk of hair this time. Very considerately, instead of taking the random section at the front of my head, they've given me a tidy hairstyle.
Julia: But that means they needed more hair for a more powerful spell probably.
Amanda: Well, as far as I know, I didn't feel any ill effects from their curse. So, they must have used my hair and a spell on someone else.
Julia: Okay. That’s fine.
Amanda: I laugh about it. But, honestly, if I told this story to some of my older Malawian relatives, they'd be terrified and probably call for some sort of religious intervention. So, if you ever wake up and seem to be missing some hair, blood, or fingernails, the mfiti say hello.
Julia: Oh, boy. You know what? I feel like I would donate my hair to a good cause of cursing people who, who fucked with other people. I would be fine with that as long as I'm not the one being cursed.
Amanda: Yeah, it feels like sort of placating where it's like, “You'll leave me alone. I'll donate materials as needed.” You know, it's kind of a much creepier version of the kind of milk on the stoop, you know, like, to feed the, the Domovoy or the fairies. But this was – this is terrifying and fascinating, Alyssa. And I'm glad that the latest incident left you with a style you liked.
Julia: Yeah, at least – at least, it is a good style and not just, like, patchy and weird.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Julia: My next story is from Macklin. And she wrote the subject line, Demons by the Cat Litter? Satanism in the suburbs?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Yes, I'm in.
Julia: So, she writes, “I've been listening to Spirits for several hours each day for well over a month starting from Episode 1 in order to get through my incredibly monotonous and mind numbing data entry job. My brain would have probably completely atrophied by this point if it weren't for y'all. So, thank you for the continually intriguing and engaging content. I'm not completely caught up yet, but listening to all of the urban legends has made me itch to share a spooky story from when I was a kid. I lived in a suburb of Fort Worth, Texas until I was about 13. I essentially grew up splitting time between my house and that of another family. Sometimes, my brother and I would play there. Sometimes, the other kids would come to our place. The parents of this family were very close friends with my parents. And two of their kids were in the scene grades and classes as my brother and I. So, we weren't technically family, but I call these adults my aunt and uncle and thought of the kids as my cousins. These family friends were a rather spooky bunch. Growing up with them whether at their house in the suburbs or on their ranch has made me convinced of some existence of paranormal spirits despite having never had any paranormal experiences myself.”
Eric: This family, the monsters.
Julia: The Addams. This email includes my favorite mystical story from this family, but there are many others, including Will of the Wisps in an East Texas thicket, Chupacabras on the cattle ranch, ghosts in Dubai, et cetera. This story, however, takes place in that very house where I spent so much time as a child. I never knew this as a little kid. But, when I got older, my mom told me all these stories about how Aunt C saw spirits walking around the world. Not everywhere or every day, but often enough to where she couldn't dismiss them as tricks of the eye or one-off events. To be more specific, she would see dark indiscernible figures right before and around the time something bad would happen. She started picking up on this ability when she was in college. And, going to a lot of big house parties, she would sometimes see figures looming in dark corners of these houses and, eventually, make the connection between these figures and something bad happening. These stories terrified me. And I refuse to go to any big off campus house parties when I was in college because of them, for better or for worse.
Amanda: Probably wise.
Julia: Around 2004 or so, Aunt C was going about her day and walked into the laundry room to put some clothes in the washer. There, crouched in the corner next to the cat's litter box, was one of those shadowy figures. Except, instead of having the outline of a tall and lanky man like usual, this one was more like a gargoyle. She was shocked. She had never seen one of these figures in the house before. And she had been living there for years at this point. After that, every time she went into the laundry room, the spirit was there. The cats also started refusing to enter the room forcing the family to move the litter box elsewhere so that the cats would stop peeing on the stairs. Cats are wild. The laundry room became filled with a dark energy that the older children and their dad could feel too even though they couldn't see the gargoyle in the corner. A while after this, one of the younger kids started acting very strange. I was a teenager when my mom told me this story. And my mom withheld a lot of details because, one, this kid was my friend. And, two, she knew it would make me freak the fuck out. So, while I still don't know everything that went down, I knew that the kid was exhibiting behaviors that made the parents worried that they were possessed by something. I was told that the kid had knowledge about their parents’ pasts and knowledge in general that would have been impossible for them to know. But I'm fairly confident that there was way scarier stuff happening that my mom never told me about and which I'm perfectly happy not to know. Eventually, the family learned to live with these odd occurrences and accepted the laundry rooms bad energy as the new normal. Then the washer broke or flooded or somehow destroyed the flooring. So, the family had to take out the warped wood and put some new tiles down. But, when the original flooring was torn out to reveal the concrete --
Amanda: What was under there?
Julia: -- the concrete underneath --
Eric: Nooo.
Julia: -- there were a lot of strange symbols painted in red under the corner where Aunt C had been seeing --
Amanda: Nooo.
Julia: -- the gargoyle.
Amanda: That's so much worse than finding stuff.
Julia: I mean that is stuff.
Eric: Spooky laundry. Spooky laundry.
Julia: Spooky laundry. After searching online for the origin of these markings, they turned out to be ritual ruins associated with a satanic cult. I'm gonna pause the story real quick here. Satanic cults really aren't a thing. It is a thing that we were scared of in the 80s and 90s because we, like, created this legend of it, but it's – it’s not really a thing. Anyway.
Eric: Did not exist on the whole.
Julia: Did not exist as a whole. And the, the current satanic church is not like a satanic cult. They're not, like, doing animal sacrifices and stuff like that. Anyway, they must have been put there by the previous owner of the house and covered by new flooring when the house was sold to its new and unexpecting owners. That is a good real estate company that was like, “We should probably cover up the satanic ruins, huh?” Like, it's gonna cost us a little money to put in those new hardwood floors, but it's probably worth it.
Eric: But the problem is then you've cursed the wood above the ruin.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's a whole – you really got to do it right if you're gonna flip a house and remove the Satanic --
Julia: The Satanic ruins. Yeah.
Eric: -- ruins that are on the floorboard since – you got to sandblast those away.
Amanda: Certainly, it would be too long and expensive to paint over them.
Julia: So, the family obviously sanded those markings away immediately before they put down their new flooring because they're smart people. Clearly. Aunt C has not seen the gargoyle figure since. The bad energy of the room disappeared. The cats willingly roam once again. And the youngest child's terrifying behavior ceased. Why the strange occurrences started up so suddenly after years of peaceful living in the house remains a mystery. But, regardless, there was definitely something going on in the laundry room. I'm just glad I never saw anything. I'm perfectly happy with only five senses. Thank you for your incredible podcast. Macklin.
Amanda: Aww. Cute.
Julia: Very, very good. Very scary, but very good.
Eric: Have you seen that wild TikTok about this kid describing the moments before you die?
Amanda: No.
Julia: The what?
Eric: Oh, my god. There’s a TikTok where it's like this, like, big YouTube voice TikTok kid. Like, he's like, “Here's what happens the moments before you die. First, you lose all of your desires.” But the second thing he says, which is my favorite. Like, I – this is on my – I retweeted those recently. So, you could – you could look at it, although, my tweets auto delete now after 30 days. But he says, “Then you'll lose all of your senses starting with thirst and then taste. And your sight, hearing, and touch.” It's like – it's like a thirst then taste – thirst, thirst and hunger – thirst and hunger. Thirst and hunger aren’t senses.
Julia; I was gonna say taste is thirst. No.
Eric: Yeah. I was like, “What is happening?” It's – it's so funny. I can't tell if it's a parody or it – this is a thing that the, the teens believe about the moments before you died. It's hilarious to me.
Amanda: I think Gen Z are smarter than us and always doing somewhat of a parody.
Eric: Yeah, they’re – they’re something else. Well, I've got a shimmering grandma ghost almost --
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: -- goodbye story.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: It's – I have – I've made sure it's Eric safe. So, don't you worry.
Amanda: Good.
Eric: This comes to us from Anna. Anna and Emma, I've picked very similar names this episode. And she writes, “Hi, Julia, Amanda, and Eric. My husband, also an Eric and I have been listening to Spirits since 2018. And we regular quote the show to each other and reference you all as if you're our friends rather than brilliant podcasters
Julia Ooh.
Amanda: Aww.
Eric: I'd love to know what quotes.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Like, fans, like, share around with, like, the – I don't know. I don't know what the inside jokes of the fan community of Spirits is.
Amanda: I would love to know.
Eric: But I'd be fascinated to know. You could – you could tweet at us any, any inside jokes you and your friends group have via our podcast because I would – I'd love to know what, what the community is doing outside of that.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I hardly remember what I said a few minutes ago, much less over the last five years.
Eric: It's true. Like, I always thought it was so weird when podcasts would be like, “I don't remember anything I said at this episode.” And then, like, I'll edit one of these episodes and be like, “I don't remember any of this at all.”
Julia: It's like going to a party and trying to recall the small talk that you did two weeks ago.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: It really is.
Julia: I don't know what I said.
Eric: It's very strange. Anyways, I'll – I’ll continue this story with – from Anna. Anna. Anna. Anna. I never know which – I never know how to pronounce it if it's an Anna or Anna. All this is too tricky. Anyways, she writes, “I'm not sure if this qualifies as a hometown urban legend TM TM TM, but it was definitely spooky. And I thought, at the very least, you'd appreciate the story. To preface it's important to note that my grandmother is this wonderful dichotomy of the stereotypical delightful sweet grandmother figure and the equally – equally stereotypical stubborn sailor mouth, no nonsense New Yorker.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: She is a goddamn delight and one of my favorite people in the world making this story all the more alarming.
Julia: That's all I want to grow up to be. It’s the stereotypical [Inaudible 52:08].
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, I mean you're definitely on that path.
Julia: Listen, thank you.
Eric: I was away at training a few months ago sleeping on a horrendous uncomfortable cot in an open air bay that was somehow simultaneously oppressively humid and freezingly cold.
Amanda: Hard combo.
Eric: I have vivid and highly realistic dreams and this night was no different. In my dream, I was back in my college dorm room and hanging out with my old roommate. She was leaning against the desk and I was sitting on my bed. We were bullshitting about something unmemorable and irrelevant to the story when, all of a sudden, my roommate jerked her chin towards the corner of our room and asked Anna, “Is that your grandma?” Startled by the abrupt change in conversation, it took a second for me to redirect my attention. When I looked at the corner, I saw a shimmering glowing shape hovering above the ground. I can only describe it as an orb of starlight beautifully refracting subtle rainbows. It wasn't shaped like a human, but I was struck with the overwhelming sense of my grandma's presence.
Julia: I just – I need to pause here.
Eric: Mhmm.
Julia: Because your friend saw a ghostly orb and then asked her, “Is that your grandma?” Not, “Check out this ghost orb.”
Eric: Hey, wait – wait. When you know, you know.
Julia: Just wild, wild. All right.
Eric: When I acknowledge starlight grandma, the orb – the orb drifted smoothly over to me and I felt a slight depression in the mattress next to me. There's no – there's a note that I missed when I was pre-reading this. Directed towards me, which is spooky. Eric, before you get all weird about me acknowledging the spirit, I have to stress that at no point did I expressed any feeling but the kind of calm and safety that real grammar gives me. No fear or even apprehension.
Julia: Okay. Okay, fair. Starlight grandma never said a word. And, even though she was still orb shaped and not at all corporeal, I felt familiar arms encircle me in a warm hug. With that, the glowing figure faded into nothing taking the sense of grandma’s presence with her and leaving me an overwhelming sense of both peace and farewell. After that, the dream picked right back up with my college roommate. Not relevant anymore.
Julia: Starlight grandma is the name of my Icona Pop cover band.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Excellent. Very good.
Amanda: That’s very good. I woke up not remembering much about the roommate part of the dream, but vividly recalling the details of starlight grandma. I immediately texted my mom to see if real grandma was okay. She called me a few seconds later asking what prompted my concern and I relayed the details of my dream to her. Important note, my mom is wildly into dreams. And it wasn't uncommon growing up for my brothers or I to receive a worried call from her prior to a flight or sporting event warning us about a foreboding dream she had the night before. I'd be okay with a worried dream before a sporting event.
Julia: Mhmm.
Eric: Not so much about a foreboding dream about a flight. Then I never want to know about dreams where someone has foreseen a bad plane situation.
Julia: Yeah. No, don't tell me
Eric: When I finished detailing how starlight grandmother – I keep saying grandmother but it says grandma. Starlight grandma had faded away.
Amanda: So formal.
Eric; And how it had seemed like she was saying goodbye. My mom told me that she had just got off the phone with grandpather – with grandpather, that’s not even a word.
Julia: Grandpather.
Eric: Grandpather. I got off the phone with my grandpa when I texted. Apparently, my grandmother had fallen out of bed and hit her head on the nightstand. Grandpa took her to the hospital and, apart from a black eye, she ended up being totally fine.
Julia: Oh, okay. Cool.
Amanda: Oh, good.
Eric: I can't help but wonder that if that brief moment she was knocked unconscious, she took the opportunity to visit her granddaughter and reassure her that everything was going to be all right. Love you all and the podcast. You are beautiful human beings working to bring a little light and magic into a very dark and unmagic world. Stay creepy and cool, Anna.
Julia: Now, the – this is a common story. The, like, grandparent coming to visit me after they've passed away --
Eric: Mhmm.
Julia: And us not knowing about it kind of thing.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Do you think it shows favoritism among the grandchildren?
Eric: I mean maybe.
Amanda: Maybe.
Julia: Like, all of a sudden, you know, cousin Mary's like, “Yeah, grandma came and visited me in a dream before she died.” And you're like, “Well, fuck, Mary. Okay. I guess you're getting the inheritance.
Amanda: I mean, on the other hand, it's possible too that the grandparent visits the, the kids that they think most need reassurance.
Julia: That's much nicer.
Amanda: I think.
Eric: Maybe the grandmother visits them all at the same time. And --
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: And only some people remember the dream.
Julia: That’s [Inaudible 56:30].
Amanda: And then depending --
Eric: Most people don't remember their dreams.
Amanda: And then depending on the quality and number of interesting items for the ghosts to avail themselves of when you're not home, that's where they decide to stay.
Eric: Mhmm. Yeah, makes more sense.
Julia: Valid.
Amanda: Well, guys, another urban legends in the books. Another, another bold question that we've dared to answer.
Eric: Yes.
Julia: We, we answered a bunch of pretty bold questions [Inaudible 59:50].
Eric: Possibly the most bold question of them all this time.
Amanda: Quite true.
Julia: Ghost, at least, 50 percent horny all the time.
Amanda: And, listen, if you guys want to weigh in, you know, tag us on Instagram, hashtag us on TikTok. We'll be looking. Let us know.
Julia: Are we gonna be looking on TikTok?
Amanda: I will be looking on TikTok. I love TikTok.
Julia: Amanda can look on TikTok.
Eric: Embed your TikToks at a tweet. Send them our way. .
Amanda: Yeah. Or send on Instagram, that's much better. Yeah, we're old so Instagram is our platform.
Eric: I don't know. I'm scared of Tick Tock and I have not downloaded it still.
Amanda: Oh, it's fantastic, dude. You got to get on it. Maybe that will be creepiest if I opened – if my phone opened itself while I was not holding it and just scrolled through TikTok and was, like, liking various things, I don't blame them because it's very entertaining. And I think the ghost should also be able to have entertainment, but I'd be like, “You're throwing off my algorithm, man.”
Julia: Didn't we have a TikTok ghost?
Eric: We did. Yeah.
Julia: I swear we had a TikTok ghost. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah. That was swiping and doing stuff.
Julia: Oh, hell yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much everybody. And, remember.
Julia: Stay creepy.
Amanda: Stay cool.
Theme Music
Amanda: Thanks again to our sponsors. At skillshare.com/spirits, the first 1000 people to use this link will get a free trial of Skillshare premium membership. At functionofbeauty.com/spirits, you can save 20 percent off your first hair care order. And, at thirdlove.com/spirits, you'll get a 10 percent discount on your perfect fitting bra.
Outro Music
Amanda: Spirits was created by Amanda McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, and Eric Schneider with music by Kevin MacLeod and visual design by Allyson Wakeman.
Julia: Keep up with all things creepy and cool by following us @SpiritsPodcast on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Tumblr. We also have all of our episode transcripts, guest appearances, and merch on our website as well as a form to send us your urban legends at spiritspodcast.com.
Amanda: Join our member community on Patreon, patreon.com/spirits podcast for all kinds of behind the scenes stuff. Just $1 gets you access to audio extras with so much more available too; recipe cards, directors commentaries, exclusive merch and real physical gifts.
Julia: We are a founding member of Multitude, a collective of independent audio professionals. If you like Spirits, you will love the other shows that live on our website at multitude.productions.
Amanda: And, above all else, if you liked what you heard today, please share us with your friends. That is the very best way to help us keep on growing.
Julia: Thank you so much for listening. Till next time.
Transcriptionist: Rachelle Rose Bacharo
Editor: Krizia Casil